This is your official reminder to put on a bra.

Your day would have been SO much less exciting today had you not seen that.

You’re welcome.

shock & awe

Don’t you hate it when bloggers publish stupid-ass posts when they don’t have a good post to write? If you have nothing to say, say nothing. (I have a problem taking my own advice.)

*NSFK = Not Safe for Kids (for those of us who work around kids)

I’m a joiner.

Adam made me do it.

1. Go to the “Random Article” link on Wikipedia. Write down the title of the article. This is the name of your band.

2. Go to “Random Quotations” and the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3. Go to Flickr and click on “Explore the Last Seven Days”. The third picture will be your album cover.

Dudes. I thought it’d be a lot weirder, but this could actually work. I’m kidnapping Aunt Becky and starting a band.

Photo source

Warning*

The older and wiser I get, the lower my inhibitions become. Or maybe that’s the vodka. Whatever the case, I’m pretty much willing to do a lot of stuff without being embarrassed as long as I get paid.

Except…

Wear a bikini.

Ever.

Even if/when/in my dreams when I’m skinny, I will never, ever wear a bikini.

Even if I was paid by Jenny Craig to go on the Oprah show and got to wear some weird binding pantyhose deal that put an bizarre line down the middle of my belly (I’m looking at you, Kirstie Alley).

Oh, Kirstie. The crazy looked good on you then.

Even if I was skinny in the real world, but in Hollywoodland I was considered fat.

Oh, Love. You're beautiful in my book, even if my sister finds you extra annoying.

Even if you just take a picture from behind.

Oh, sweetheart. No. Just, no.

Even if I weighed 76 pounds.

If you add 140 pounds, this me.

Even if it were for a joke at my expense.

That's pretty much me, just without the dark hair & belly scar

I am definitely too chicken shit to put on a bikini.

*Warning: This post contains photographs that may or may not make your eyes bleed, your stomach turn, and/or make you put down that donut.