A Leader is Born

5 Generations

And then there was Claire…

 Happy Mama’s Day!

This, too, will be gone.

My imaginary IM bloggy friend, Amanda at Shamlessly Sassy, has demanded I answer her pressing question.

I sit here tired, weaning off meds (cause my friggin Dr. office won’t call me back), and busy beyond belief. (But I’m kind of glad to post tonight b/c my mom is here in town and won’t be reading my blog for a few days, so hopefully she won’t go back in the archives and find this.)

I wasn’t even planning on posting tonight. THAT’S how tired I am.

But NOOOOOO. Miss Sassy is stalking me, demanding/pleading/begging me to write about peni. The peen. The man stick. The love stick.

I am giving in. I will answer:

“New question: What do you think about penises? Have you ever been randomly flashed by a stranger? If there was a new handy computer tool called a penis, would you use it?” 

THINK about them? I try not to. I’m gay. My husband knows.

Randomly flashed? No, thank GOD.

New handy computer tool? Does it count as a computer if it runs on batteries? If so, then yes, I use it.

Happy now, Miss Sassy?

How about questions for YOU since you FORCED me to answer tonight - How much do you weigh? How much did you weigh when you graduated high school?

Personal enough for you?

Thursday Thirteen: 13-1 answers to your deepest darkest weeniest questions

On a serious note, your questions were really weeny.  If you have better questions for me, I’ll answer more next week if more are asked. Jeez, peeps. Grow a pair and ask!

Bronson Said: I won’t get to see my Mom this weekend, but want to send her something, something not flowers, got any ideas or guidelines?
Easy answer: Porn. That or chocolate. Either would make a good mom happy.

Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy) Said: What is the best Christmas gift you have ever received?
1st place: TiVo. Changed my life for.ev.er. Mama LOVES some DVR.
2nd place: $1000 cash. Only happened once, but every year, I wish and I wish and I wish.

Tara R Said: what would you do if your mom moved into your house… I’m gonna need some ideas since my mom moved in last week!
I’d allow her to clean.

if you had to move somewhere else where would it be?
Canada. Probably Vancouver. May be a reality if Obama or Clinton doesn’t make it into office.

what do you hope your girls grow up to be?
Gay. Boys are icky.

Angie’s Favourite Sister Said: Have you ever tried to kill your baby sister? If so, how and why?
CLEARLY, YOUR perception of “kill” and my perception of “kill” are a bit different. You may have THOUGHT I was trying to kill you by dunking your head under water repeatedly while laughing at you trying to catch your breath. But I blame you for hanging around me when you, as the younger sister, needed to get your own damn friends, and then you wouldn’t have those horrible laughable memories.

Sister-In-Lay Said: So waht are you going to get for your AWESOME sister in law for her up coming 29th b-day?
I wasn’t aware I had a Sister-In-Lay. But I’m getting my sister-in-law a whole wad of nothing. How about a hug? Eh? Hug?

Xbox4NappyRash Said: What could I say to you to make you send me cash buck money?
Is “cash buck” like a butt load? The Euro-to-classy-American lingo didn’t quite make it, so I’ll assume you mean butt load of money. I guess if you told me you have a guarantee pill to make me lose 25 75 pounds without the side effects of alli, I’d send a cash buck.

Little Miss Sunshine State Said: When your cutie-patootie girls get bigger will you let Hockeyman put them on a Pee-Wee hockey team?
I want Anna to start tomorrow.

Or will you say Noooooooo and make them take ballet instead? Because Geez, they’re GIRLS and all.
They can do hockey and ballet together if they want. I guess you can call that figure skating, but don’t tell Patrick that.

Pride in putting poo in the potty.

Keep the questions coming.

Lazy Mama is back and has another challenge.

I KNOW you wanna know more about me cause I’m just that interesting.

And because I’m a lazy-ass MO FO, I challenge you, my tens (not millions like Dawn) of readers, to ask me ANY question. And yes, I’ll answer it as truthfully as I’ll let my mom read I can later this week.

So bring it on my imaginary friends. Whatcha got for me?

DO IT. All the cool kids are asking questions. Don’t you want to be a cool kid?

I’m not one to usually remember funny quips said around Messy House, but this was, by far, the best advice I could pass along.

A naked Claire Kong, aka Trouble, was found digging for black gold. As her mother, I of course, tell her, “Stop digging in your butt!”

An inquisitive Anna, The Boss, Banana, asked, “Why you telling Caa to not dig in her butt?”

Mommy Dearest says, “Cause it’s not nice to dig in your butt.”

Anna Banana responds, “You don’t digg in your butt or else you get a hole in your butt.”

Sounds like good advice to me.

The picture below isn’t really a picture, but rather the capture of a feeling of a friend to many bloggers has inside.

I luckily and gratefully call Lotus my imaginary/blog/IM friend and was devastated to learn she lost her baby last week. Please visit her site and wish her well.

Weekly Winners is her idea, so I found it fitting to pay homage to her and her loss this week.

Many smiles to you, Lotus, John, and Braden.

Continuing on… This should be short ’cause I have to pee, and I’m too lazy to get up to go.

MommyTime asked, “What the most ridiculous thing you did in your teens?  in your 20s?  Pictures not necessary but of course an added bonus…”
Most ridiculous thing I did. Hmmm. I’m not sure if you mean ridiculous “stupid” or ridiculous “silly.” Here are some options:
- In my teens, I broke up with my long-time boyfriend over the phone during a commercial break in BH 90120. I still feel bad. Not that I feel bad “regret” feel bad. Just was dumb.
- In 9th grade I had my hair cut to resemble a mushroom and wore a pink lace dress.
- During high school, I always had a boyfriend. ALWAYS. I needed attention. That’s pretty ridiculous.
- In my 20s, I went to a friend’s wedding and got falling-down drunk in front of old high school “friends” and puked in one of their cars.

K8Spade noted, “Oh, and p.s, I’m subscribed to you, so you better get your ass in gear and give me somethin to work with. I gotta pull the baby out of the dog crate again.”
Back off, bitch. I’m working here. And the comment about the baby in the dog crate? I think I love you.

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls noted, “I’m always up for cute kid pictures…  :)”
Awww… shucks. I don’t want to turn off my 5s of men readers (Bronson - I see you) by posting frivolous pictures of my adorable girls. So I combined cute kids with pooping. All mens like pooping.

Shamelessly Sassy asked, “What is your favorite mistake?”
Claire aka Trouble - I know, I know. Kids are not mistakes. But we weren’t planning on getting pregnant with her for 6 more months, but at least she was planned for some time. But Claire being Claire, she did it on her own terms. I was on the pill AND breast-feeding, and I STILL got knocked up. She’s very willful. Yeah - we’ll go with willful. Jebus and Oprah, help me.

Colleen asked 57 questions - here are 3, “Attempt to solve the world’s largest riddle: Why in God’s name does the older kid have to play with whatever the younger kid is playing with, even if it means abandoning a pricey electronics toy for a bowl and a wooden spoon?”
We, parents, are stupid. We think our kids have to have the best of the best to make it to the top of their class and have the highest IQ therefore thinking we need to buy expensive electronics instead of letting them discover and imagine. Wow - that was a rant on myself. Bad mommy. I’m giving them sticks and tape to play with tomorrow instead of a $2400 computer.
“If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?”
Dubai to the Burj al Arab with someone else paying.
“Of all the trips you’ve taken in your life, which was your favorite?”
I can’t pick a favorite, but one I remember is a trip to North Carolina in high school w/ my family. I just remember being really relaxed in the mountains. And for some reason, I read Helter Skelter about Charles Manson. I was a weird kid.

Tara R asked, “what do you want for mother’s day?”
Peterbrooke Malted Milk Balls.
Huh-huh. I said milk balls. Huh-huh. I said balls.