One of my favorite blogs, “Life Turned Upside Down” has posed some questions. So being me, and I love a list, I’ll answer.

1. Why does a gallon of milk cost more than a pack of cigarettes? The same reason fresh fruit costs more than processed. The health care industry NEEDS YOUR MONEY!

2. Why does my teenager think that by TELLING me that she isn’t going to do something that I won’t MAKE her do it? At least she’s not YELLING at you. And you did it to your mother - payback.
3. Why does my husband think it is fun to encourage my little male dog by calling him “Vlad the Impaler” (as in Vlad Dracul) (there is a story behind this and I will just say that it has to do with “short man syndrome”) I think you answered your own question.

4. Why does Al think I have OCD? ?Que?
5. How did my most unfriendly cat all of a sudden become a social butterfly? Cats are weird.

6. Why do so many people want to know what the lyrics are to the theme song from the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire? Cause it’s a ROCKIN show. That’s why!

7. What happens to boys between 5th and 6th grade to make their attitudes so different? Girls. And their weens come alive. Sorry, mom.

8. Just curious, who are my readers from Iowa and Florida? MEEEEEE!!!!! I’m in Orlando! It’s friggin hot. And not in a good way.

What? You didn’t know I sell of these incredible products? Well, I do, and MANY more!

And for you, as my loyal reader, I’m offering a 15% off coupon code for your order. You’re welcome. Use code 15blog920 for 15% off your order until the ‘rents leave on Monday, September 23rd. Again, you’re welcome.

Melissa & Doug Wooden Toys

Lindie & Friends Handmade Multi-Ethnic Dolls

Baby Light & Clip Lighted Fingernail Clippers

Nuby Cups and Nuby Replacements

Argh - I realized I spelled my title wrong, so I changed it. I’m soooo tired.

Thursday Thirteen - What I should be doing now to prepare for the arrival of the Parental Units.

1. Folding laundry. All 10 loads.

2. Cleaning off the kitchen table. Or doesn’t junk mail, canned goods, crayons, paper, and purses belong there?

3. Vacuuming. It’s late. Don’t want to wake the kids. They actually went to bed before 10. Shhhhh…

4. Picking up toys. What’s the point. Really?

5. Cleaning the toy room. See #4.

6. Preparing shipments for tomorrow. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?

7. Cleaning my dogs’ asses - OOF - they stink.

8. Putting away luggage. We JUST got back 4 weeks ago.

9. Take a shower. See #4.

10. Clean out the garage. Oh, Lord. Don’t get me started. Don’t EVEN get me started.

11. Cleaning my car. Oops! Can’t! HockeyMan took the T&C to hockey with him! I guess he’ll have to do it. But he won’t.

12. Unloading the dishes. Yes, they actually made it into the dishwasher. See #4.

13. Deodorizing the dog cage that sits next to the foldout couch where the Parental Units will be sleeping. See #7.

HAPPY PLACE. HAPPY PLACE. HAPPY PLACE.

HAPPY PILLS. HAPPY PILLS. HAPPY PILLS. I will be doubling up - that is FO SHO.

It will be a great weekend, once they get past the initial shock of messiness, but I have accepted and embraced this.

I’m happy! No worries! It’s a good thing!

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Not-so-wordless because it requires explanation.

The true sign of a mother. I am A. Lynch. Please don’t give me Potty Elmo for MY birthday.

The last few post I’ve made have been a bit, well, d..o..w..n.. I keep getting messages and comments trying to cheer me up, and though I truly appreciate the assistance, I’m generally a happy person. So, in this multiple-post night, I want to cheer myself up and hopefully cheer you up as well. The main reason?

My.

Parents.

Arrive.

In.

2.

Days.

So, because I lurves me a list, here’s a little list of things in my Happy Place (in no particular order):

* TiVo - the greatest invention since the television. If you know me, you know I lurves me some TiVo.

* Someone else doing the dishes. HockeyMan is doing them AS I TYPE. Shhhhh… don’t disrupt his flow, or I’ll be left with a grumpy man and dirty dishes.

* Someone else doing the laundry. My mother arrives in 2 days, so that means 2 full days of laundry before she arrives. To know her, is to know she LURVES her some laundry. She will force you to remove your pants on the spot so she can have a full load. The ‘rents drive for 7 hours to get here (not 10, or 20 or 30 - 7), and trust me, she will have laundry to do the night she arrives. If I don’t do the 15 loads waiting for me before she arrives, I will get the, “ANGELA! How can you let this happen?” NO ONE calls me that but her, so you know she’s serious. Happy Place, Happy Place Happy Place… At lease she’ll do the laundry while she’s here! WOOHOO!

* Baked goods. Really doesn’t matter what, just as long as it could be sold at a bake sale, I LURVES it. (I’m using that stupid word a lot tonight. I’ll stop now.)

* Eating out. Food. I HATE COOKING.

* My MacBook Pro. Aaaaahhhh… HowIloveyouso, my MacBook Pro!

* The two pairs of blue eyes that stare back at me and say, “I Wuv Woo Mama.”

* And a professional massage. HockeyMan’s no good at it and he’ll admit it.

* Comments on my blog. Please! Comment! Add me to your reader! PLEASE!

* **Shameless Self-Promotion ALERT** Sales on my website, Good for the Kids! It’s a fabulous website with lots of unique items for your baby, your child, and even yourself. Go ahead. Shop! It will serve us both by bringing me to my Happy Place and yours for getting something in the mail. And who doesn’t like getting something in the mail?

What’s in your Happy Place?

******

I’m sure that’s what they’ll be saying in a few years when they (those two cuties in the trees) can put sentences and reason together.

Today was my birthday. Not exciting, not overwhelming. Just a day. My friends were nice enough to get together and get me a spa gift card (I almost left right then to go get my massage) and have cake and ice cream. I definitely have only love for my skanks friends. I’m VERY lucky to have a small group of girls that I’ve know for a few years that I can depend on and drink with (and go to adult toy stores with) and laugh with. I’ve become extremely close with them, and I feel I’m extremely lucky to have my skanks. Don’t worry - it’s a term of endearment.

Back to my blog title. When I get stressed, or sad, or anxious, or happy, or mad, or the kids cry or whine, I eat. I don’t think I’m grossly overweight, but I am overweight. I do eat too much. I eat too much of the wrong thing. If only Dr. Oz and Bob Greene could come in and take over my health. That. Would. Be. Awesome.

Tonight, after I ate chocolate cake with chocolate icing with chocolate fudge chocolate ice cream, I had a HUGE takeout dinner of beef tostadas and the remaining 1/2 of my daughter’s quesadilla (for the 2nd night in a row). Let me tell you. It. Was. Awesome.

Why did I do it? Because I’m sad and tired and a bit depressed. Today I found out that something I really wanted to happen was not going to happen. It would have given my business such incredible exposure. But, things happen, and this is one thing that is not going to happen.

Oh, and my parents are coming on Thursday. Sigh… I LOVE my parents, but they don’t “approve” of my lifestyle of laziness. That means I have to do my quarterly Mom Clean. I HATE cleaning. So I eat. Do you see a pattern?

At least I’m not a drinker (occasional fruity Mama drink) or the title would be “Mama Drinks Because I Cry.”

I bought some Milano cookies today that I hear calling my name…

To start, I have to give mad props (what, am I 14?) to Se7en at Blogs Gone Wild! I put his feet to the fire to get the new design done quickly (for a reason I hope to explain later this week) for a very reasonable price, and he TOTALLY came through! We’re still tweaking some little things, but it looks AWESOME!

PLEASE update your RSS reader by clicking here: http://feeds.feedburner.com/AWholeLotOfNothing

If you don’t, you’ll miss out on all the love I have to give.

The two girls in the header are mine, of course. One in the trees, the other too shy to say hi.

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Stolen from Special K Family.

A: Me, P: HockeyMan (He wanted to play along. Not that he knew it would be blogged, but he played along.)

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
A: YoYo Chrysler
P: Tina Lexus

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
A: Vanilla Snickerdoodle
P: Chocolate Chocolate

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
A: Alyn
P: P.Lyn

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
A: Navy Dog
P: Black Dog

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
A: Marie Alexandria
P: John Rockville

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
A: Ly-Nan
P: Lyn-Pa

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
A: The Red Mountain
P: Blue Beer

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
A: Jack Rabbit Carlton
P: John John

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
A: Happy Reece
P: Eternity Twix

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
A: Marie Lee
P: Clifford Ann

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
A: Castleman Columbus
P: Krasney Kalamazoo

12. SPY NAME/BOND GIRL: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
A: Autumn Daisy
P: Fall Cactus

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
A: Pear Brasserie
P: Lime PJ

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
A: Danish Palm
P: Coffee Pine

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)
A: The Internets Breezy Tour
P: The Hockey Hurricane Tour

My first entry into SOS - Soap Opera Sunday.

“I’m the luckiest girl in the world,” I thought when he asked me to be his girlfriend.

He asked one day in writing, and I instantly responded with an emphatic, “Yes!” I truly was the luckiest girl in the world. All the other girls congratulated me on my accomplishment in attaining the crest of relationships. Him.

J had wavy blond locks and deep crisp blue eyes. His muscular arms wrapped around me and comforted me when I felt shy with him. I had never dated someone as handsome, as well-liked, and so secure. I felt so lucky.

We would talk endlessly on the phone about family, education, and dreams for the future. We would write to each other
about our feelings and family. J had my heart.

And then it happened.

We were at a social gathering with all of our closest friends. Music blared while we talked, joked, held hands. He put his arm around me.

Then the music slowed down. We went out to dance.

Dancing with J was a new experience. His arms were tight around me. And it happened.

My first kiss.

7th grade middle school dance.

What? You didn’t expect me to write about something serious did you? Though it is 100% true.

I hear he’s gay now.

I LOVE a list. I love reading lists, I love keeping lists, I love ignoring lists. So, here’s my list for this week:

Top 5 Reasons Why My House is a Mess

1. I’m a Lazy Perfectionist. It says so in my info up to the left. See? That means, I want things to be perfect, but I can’t possibly get them perfect, so it doesn’t get done. It’s a self-diagnosed excuse condition. It’s also the first step into becoming a hoarder. I can TOTALLY get those people.

2. My foot hurts. I broke it on Christmas Eve last year, and it still hurts. I tell myself I have to elevate it as much as possible.

3. I have 2 toddlers. It’s going to get messy again in less than 30 minutes, so why clean it in the first place?

4. My mom lives 7 hours away, so it’s not like she’s going to drop in unexpectedly. Why is this an issue? Think of Martha Stewart without the crafting skills and farm, and you have my mother. Her house is always clean, even the baseboards. She cleans them with a broom, then vacuums the dust. I’ve seen it and had to do it as a kid. Traumatizing.

5. It doesn’t smell yet. Every once in a while I’ll get a whiff of something rotting in the sink or in the fridge, so then I’ll clean it out. Until then, it can wait. I have to see what’s happening on the internets and check my email.

What’s your excuse?

How do you know when you’ve reached your breaking point?

• Is it when the kids make their 7th trip out to the living room after “tucking” them in to bed?
• Is it when you’re on a business call and one kid is crying, “IwannacolorMama IwannacolorMama IWANNACOLORMAMA IWANNACOLORMAMA” and the other is crying because she can’t find her pacifier?
• Is it when you really just want to lie down for 15 minutes because you didn’t get to bed until after 1am the night before and the kids were up at 7:30 and you can’t lie down because the kids are coloring the walls?
• Is it when all you want to do is sit by yourself and eat without a whining kid insisting on sitting on your lap?
• Is it when you realize you have only $150 to last you 10 days until the next payday?
• Is it when you find the dishes haven’t been done in 3 days and the kitchen is starting to emote a stench of rotten cheese and curdled milk?
• Is it when one of the dogs pees on the floor for no apparent reason?

I guess the moon is in the 7th hour because every other post I read is a frustrated mom wanting a day off. JUST ONE DAY OFF. As a mom, we don’t get a day off. I don’t have a time card that tells me I have to “work” from 8am-5pm and then leave it on my desk. My job lasts 24/7 - the worrying, the cleaning, the momness. I love my job, but even moms need one day off from momness.

Just one day off.

Please?

Or just really strong meds. Either one would be awesome.