OK, peeps. I know it’s been a while. But this is worth the wait.

The following are pics from my mother-in-law’s house. We didn’t spend Christmas day there, but we came up on the 28th to celebrate Clausemas.

To give you perspective, her townhouse is about 800 square feet. ALL of this is inside her living/dining room (except the last pic). I shit you not - this is mind boggling.

And our inheritance. Hellooooo, eBay!

THE TREE - can you count how many ornaments are on this tree? We guess it’s in the 1000s. About 1/2 of them move, light up, or both. It is held up with a brace and wire. Yes, my friends, this is our inheritance. All Hallmark ornaments ready to sell on eBay once she kicks the bucket.

At least we have something to sell when she’s in the nursing home to pay for her stay.

Wizard of Oz Mini Tree

And, yes, toilet paper.

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She had a boo-boo. Really.

Last night, we drove all the way (25 minutes) to Bennigan’s for the delicioso dessert I mentioned a few days ago. We had a nice dinner, the girls were good, and we had some major laughs (check back Wednesday for the picture).

And wouldn’tchaknowit.

Friggin place ran out of BANANAS. How the crap do you run out of bananas when you’re a restaurant advertising a delicious banana dessert? Argh.

But everything happens for a reason, right?

In the 3 seconds it takes me to kick and scream and whine complain to HockeyMan, I think to myself, “Self, you didn’t really need those extra 500 calories and 30 grams of fat you would have eaten had bananas been in plentiful supply. Self, God is telling you that you don’t need to keep eating crap food even if it is delicious and you drove out of your way to eat it. Self, why don’t you chock this up to fate that today is the day to stop eating dessert.”

But, no. Fate would have it that we would be sat in a booth at the front window of Bennigan’s with no other customer seated in our section (maybe that was because we have 2 noisy toddlers in tow). And fate handed us a treat.

As we were staring out the window across the street whining discussing the lack of bananas and how we’ll have to come back another day, the beacon shone itself.

Hot Now

Yes, my dear blog friends, the bright orange Krispy Kreme sign flicked on just as we looked out the window.

How can I make that up? You can’t control fate. You can only give in and eat a Hot Now glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut or two.

Deeelish.

Please! Instead of feeding the poor, donating to charity, or bathing your kids, VOTE FOR MY PICTURE ON TOPMOMMA.COM!

See this picture>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Click on it when you go to TopMomma.com.

Don’t even think about leaving before clicking. DO IT.

NOW!

Do it cause you love me.

Do it cause you know I’m a dork cool like that.

Do it for the love of Oprah.

Do it for me.

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Check out the review I posted today on Mamas Like!

Oh yeah, and that other site I work on 18 hours a day, Good for the Kids. Tell your friends. Tell your family. Tell your bloggers. Tell your message boarders. You can still order in time for Christmas delivery!

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We encountered this lovely lady during our trip to SeaWorld this weekend. I’m all for women’s rights, loving the pregnant body, and being yourself. But we couldn’t help but stare and take a picture for my blog.

This picture has NOT been doctored (other than the black bar). This is a REAL picture of a REAL belly on a REAL tourist.

Without making the jokes you know I wanna, I’ll let you make up your own mind on whether or not this is something to wear to SeaWorld.

If you know me, you know I love a list and sweets. So why not combine the two into a list of my favorite restaurant desserts? Keep in mind, these are restaurant desserts. The homemade stuff doesn’t count. Why? Because my mom’s Pecan Pie can’t compare to any other dessert on earth. It just doesn’t compare.

In order:

1. Bahama Breeze: Bananas Supreme - “Sliced bananas and vanilla ice cream on warm banana-nut bread, with hot, homemade butterscotch brandy sauce.” Lord. Help me now. I do not. Will not. Don’t even ASK me to share this with you. I’ve heard about other desserts at BB, but I’ve never tasted them. This is THE best. Ever.

2. ESPN Zone: Mighty Duck Hockey Puck - The thickest, most delicious brownie ever. Sadly, it is no longer offered at the restaurant. It’s been about 7-8 years since I’ve had it, and I think of it often. It will be falling from the #2 spot soon. Sadly.

3. Bennigan’s: BANANAS FOSTER XANGO - “Creamy original and banana cheesecake layered with rich caramel, wrapped in a flaky pastry. Served warm with vanilla ice cream, banana slices and topped with caramel, Bananas Foster sauce and whipped cream.” This, my friends, is the reason for this post tonight. HockeyMan ordered this delectable dessert tonight whilst I protested, and we discovered a new reason to drive out of our way to Bennigan’s. Go there NOW and eat this low fat dessert.

4. Smokey Bones Barbeque: Bag of Donuts - Fresh to Order Hot Cinnamon Sugar Donuts - If you have resisted this in the past, resist no more. They recently added to their strawberry dip (yes, dip) a chocolate sauce dip. Oh, Lordy, Lordy. Dip them both and eat. Ahhhhhh….

5. Maguire’s Irish Pub: Lucky Chocolate Brownie Pie A La Mode - Baked daily, topped with ice cream. The. Best. Brownie. EVER. Trust me - I’m a professional brownie eater. If you’re ever in the panhandle of Florida, you MUST visit Maguire’s for the best food and desserts.

6. Olive Garden: Chocolate Lasagna - This dessert is only around from time-to-time, and thank goodness for that. I can only take it once every few years and in small doses. It is SO incredibly rich and thick, but SO gooooood.

OK, so I have two favorite brownies, but one is retired. I LURVES a brownie.

What are your favorite RESTAURANT desserts? (I need ideas.)

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

The Best

I just spent the last 45 minutes of my night doing the best thing I can think of doing: watching Grey’s Anatomy with my 2yo sleeping on my lap. Trouble/Bear/CaCa has a tendency to get up in the night and crawl into our bed or onto the couch (depending on how early it is), and tonight she crept out at 11:30pm. What better way to spend my TV-watching night than with my baby sleeping on my lap. The Best.

Open Letter - My Vow to My Husband

Today, I did something shocking. I washed several loads of laundry, folded them, and put them away - in drawers. With the girls awake. I know, I know. As a dutiful housewife, that is my job and duty to my family. But, as I’ve mentioned in the past, I am the suckiest housewife ever. No, I do not need a pat on the back or flowers; just recognition that I’m moving in the right direction.

So as as wife, mother, and sucky housewife, I give you my vow:

I, wife, mother, sucky housewife, do solemnly vow from this day forward,

* to keep your clothes drawers stocked with clean underwear, socks, jeans, sleep pants, t-shirts, and polo shirts. This will avoid early-morning trips to the laundry room where the commencement of digging through ten loads of various person’s clean clothing begins.

* to keep towels stocked in the bathroom as to avoid the need to dry yourself after your shower with an available clean guest towel, hand towel, beach towel, rag towel, or dog cage towel.

* to keep the children’s clothes drawers stocked with clean pajamas, matching outfits, fitting jeans, and age-appropriate clothing. This, too, will avoid early-morning trips to said laundry room (see above), our children from wearing “my parents went to Cozumel and all they brought me was this stinking t-shirt” shirts, and sleep clothes that are dug out from the bottom of the drawers with a “size 3 months” tag.

* to keep my mother/Laundry Fairy from visiting for 4 days and doing laundry for 3.8 of those days.

This, my dear husband, is my solemn swear to you.

All I ask in return (you knew it was coming) is to puuuuhhhhhhleeeeeease do the dishes. I will get them started; I just NEED your teensy tinsy bit of help every day to do the dishes.

I love you, my dear HockeyMan.

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Visit Mamas Like and Good for the Kids, dammit!

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Thirteen gifts we’re giving The Boss and Trouble for Christmas:

1. Melissa & Doug pretend food - What? MY kids getting stuff that I sell? *By the way - that right there is shameless self-promotion.*

2. Play kitchen - learn ‘em early - Do as I say, not as I do.

3. “The Green Computer” - LeapFrog ClickStart

4. Games for the Green Computer

5. Friggin Pizza Elmo - Trouble SHRIEKS when she plays with it in the store. Lord help me now.

6. Bannaids - stocking stuffers

7. New Hallmark ornaments - that will make Grandma Karen VERY happy. To give you an idea of how happy this will make her, picture her Christmas Tree(s): 800 ornaments. Yes, 800. 1/2 of which are moving, lighting up, or moving & lighting up. She doesn’t have inheritance. She has Hallmark ornaments. She is the woman who waits outside “her” store in July when the put the first ornaments out for the year. What does this mean for us? When she kicks the bucket, we’re eBaying those suckers. CHA-CHING!

8. Wonder Pets Stuffed Animals - The phone. The phone is ringing. The phone. We’ll be right there.

9. Books - various Dora, Mickey Mouse, and Elmo award-winning, educational literature.

10. DVDs - various Dora, Mickey Mouse, and Elmo award-winning, educational cinema.

11. New Princess TV - because 4 TVs isn’t enough for our house.

12. Pinky Dinky Doo, Tyler Dinky Doo, & Mr. Guinea Pig - I sell them. *Shameless self-promotion.*

13. Whatever other random gifts I can throw in at the last minute from what I sell.

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Check out more of what I sell at Good for the Kids, and some other great stuff at Mamas Like, dammit!

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