I’ve been away for pretty much 2 weeks. And that sucks. I was first in NY for the humongoid Toy Fair, which was F.U.N. fun. When HockeyMan and I returned last Wed, we knew it might be short-lived b/c his grandmother was sick. She unfortunately passed away last Thurs night. So I decided (a bit too quickly I know now) that he should go BACK to NY (his family is from Long Island) and I would go to my parent’s house until today since they had my girls.

Oh, lordy. Mama can NOT live without her precious internets. Backstory - my mom’s compy died a few weeks ago, and with it, the internets connection went with it. So for the past 5 days, I’ve had spotty - at best - internets service. All of this travel has put me back, oh, 2 WEEKS on my website orders. Talk about some PISSED off customers. What can I do? I am but a one-woman company.

Anyhoo, here’s my 13 reasons why I LOVE being home:

1. It’s MY HOUSE. MINE.

2. It smells like MY HOUSE.

3. My DVR. How I’ve missed you Big Brother, RW/RR Challenge, ANTM, Mad Men, L Word, etc.

4. My bed. Nothing compares to your own bed.

5. My internets connection. Ahhhhh…. Continuous service!

6. Mess. My mother lives with NO mess. I can’t think straight with all that neatness.

7. My chair. My ass fits perfectly in MY chair.

8. My shower. All MY stuff is in there. And in full size bottles.

9. My toilet. I can crap away all I want in MY toilet.

10. My yard. I can let my dogs out without a leash to poo amongst the weeds.

11. My girls’ bedroom. They have their own beds. Ahhhh….

12. My Taco Bell. Even though I’ve decided not to eat fast food, I like MY Taco Bell.

13. MY INTERNETS.

Beer Goggles ~ If only I liked beer, that would look good.

Because of the number of fellow lay-dayz (HOLLA!) who want to join me and JackAss JackOff Jacquisha my only favorite sister in our old age, I’m accepting some suggestions for our future life. Good ideas can join us. Bad idea, find someone else to bother.

So far, here are some great suggestions for our future agoraphobic life:

Alcohol, and LOTS of it, suggested by MammaLoves.

BonBons - Hello? Why didn’t I think of that the first time around? VDog, you’re in.

HOUSECOAT! Wear it, and you’re in, Mommy Always Wins.

Bitching, or as Senora Patron said, a “bunch of vindictive women picking on unsuspecting and naive menfolk.”

So now I’ve decided to create a commune. Women and gay men only. You are MORE than welcomed to join as long as you have ideas on how to make our community a better place. Or, if you want to clean our house, you can come along.

When we’re old and gray and HockyMan has left and gone to Hoky Hockey Heaven and FratBoy has gone to Frat Heaven, my sister and I have decided our future together.

I lurve my sister.

We will be agoraphobic.

We will be hoarders.

We will watch We/Oxygen/Lifetime/TLC and shitty reality TV 24/7.

We will eat constantly.

We will have a gaggle of Chihuahuas and dress them up.

We will decorate with Chihuahua art.

We will not allow anyone into our C.H.A.O.S.

If you can live with that, you can join us.

1. Squeeze hugs around my neck.

2. Snoring in my face.

3. “Hi, Mama!”

4. “I made this for you.”

5. Spongebob Cheeze

6. Piithaa

7. “I wanna go to the park.”

8. Diapers

9. Cute outfits

10. Pig tails

11. Messy face

12. “That’s MIIIIIIIINE!!!”

13. “I love you, Mama”

Thursday Thirteen

On our first day in Manhattan, I think I ate 8000 calories in just dinner, dessert, and 2nd dessert.

Union Square Cafe ~ 7:30pm

I don’t drink beer, but HockeyMan does. It’s just a good pic.

Potato-less Gnocchi - Who knew? Mine

Serious Scallops Mine

Polenta with Goodness Ours

Banana Goodness Mine

Bull & Bear at the Waldorf=Astoria ~ 11:00pm

Real Waldorf Salad at the Waldorf=Astoria Mine

Onion Soup HockeyMan

Almond Creme Brule at Bull & Bear Mine

Key Lime Sandwich HockeyMan

Uhhhhhh….. How much for apps and dessert????
Our receipt at Bull & Bear at Waldforf=Astoria.

I’m thinking of going into a new career - food photog as long as I get to eat the food after.

Wordless Wednesday

I have two giveaways up at running. We’re heading out of town (see Haiku), so check out the giveaways!

Mamas Like - The Safe Sippy cup

Good for the Kids - Set of 6 Ty Beanie Babies 2.0

We’re gone on a trip
In our favorite rocket ship
Flying to the sky

Mama and Dada
Gone on our own for six days
No kiddos for us

Should we be happy
Or enjoy ourselves sans kids
I choose glad and sad

A moment of silence for Baby’s hand.

It’s not clear how Baby’s hand was injured the night of February 13, 2008. Sources are telling AWLN unknown forces, possibly of canine familiarity, are to blame for the missing 4th digit on the right hand of Baby. Injuries to Baby include a severed 4th digit, gnawed 5th digit, and a serious gash in the right palm. Because Baby is primarily constructed of man-made plastic, it is expected Baby will have a full recovery. However, Baby will live with a lifetime of rejection due to her unfortunate condition.

I love you!

In honor of V-Day (and Mishi told me I had to), here’s 13 ways I say, “I love you”:

1. You da bomb.

2. Lurve ya.

3. You kinda stink. Can you take a shower before we…?

4. That was a GOOD one (fart)!

5. Later.

6. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

7. Miss you.

8. You make pretty babies.

9. Thanks for bringing me home a McFlurry!

10. Yes, you can take my girlfriend out on a date.

11. Here’s the remote.

12. Thanks.

13. You are such a dork.

I love you.