I’m totally out of fashion, and if it means I have to dye myself orange, I’ll stay that way.

I’ve noticed in my recent travels around the country up-and-down the DirecTV guide and to Target, women (and boys) are now dying themselves orange.

I just. Don’t. Get it.

Not one stinkin bit.

Really? You wanna take your healthy skin - black, white, pale, olive, etc - and turn it orange. By FRYING it?

Even if it’s tan-in-a-can, it looks weird.

The first person I recall noticing having dayglo orange skin was Charlize Theron at the Oscars in’04. She was actually shiny. Pssst… I don’t think they dayglo orange greased up look is healthy. If my skin were orange and as shiny as a greased up Butterball, I’d be be rushed to my gynecologist dermatologist.

Not only is this odd practice stupid, but potentially dangerous. Hell, not potentially - it is dangerous. There are tanning salons popping up  in every shopping center around Pleasantville urging the tweens to get their tan on. In the next 20-30 years, I can envision Dermatologist’s offices replacing the tanning salons.

I feel like I’m sitting up on my high horse with my clear pale skin, but seeing this trend of orange day-glo shiny skin is so out of my element, I need some guidance.

Saying, “Good morning, Sunshines!” is how I like to start every morning rising at 5am excited to head on out for my morning jog.

Aaaahhhhhh….. There’s nothing like fresh morning air flowing through my hair and breezing over my glistening taut skin as I jog through the tree-lined streets in my neighborhood.

Coming home an hour and a half later, I find a pot of chamomile tea waiting my arrival along with a bowl of steel-cut Irish oatmeal and fresh fruit prepared by my adoring husband.

Enjoying my rain shower in the early morning with a full stomach and twitching muscles of a just-run 10k is my idea of perfection.

Well, it would be if any of that ever came true.

True Life:

Dragged out of bed at 8:30am to my 4yo asking, “Mama! When are you gonna GET UP?”

Make Microwave pancakes for the spawn.

Drive chillins to their school in my PJs.

Drink my 1/2 coffee, 1/2 half & half at 9:30am.

Awake at 11am finally.

Good fucking morning.

SCREAM!

Visit my TWO Bloggy Giveaways: $50 Gift Certificate & Fun Stuff

The whole (OK, lots of people - 99% women) blog world is all atwitter with the latest Bloggy Giveaways Carnival.

I’m giving away 3 items (whaaa??? yes, I’m that awesome) from my store, Good for the Kids, for the Carnival. Please leave a comment below with the name for each item you’d like to win. I’ll pick 3 winners on Friday, August 1st, 11:59pm EST.

1. Zoobie Pet value up to $34.95

Zoobie™ Pets embody an innovative and newly patented concept. Each Pet is a plush toy, a soft pillow and a comfy blanket all in one! They are the perfect childhood companion! Zoobie™ Pets also make for the ideal traveling companions for children. They keep children entertained when they are awake and comfortable when they are asleep.

To win a Zoobie Pet, leave the name of the Zoobie you’d like to win.

2. Squeaky Sneakers value up to $27.95

Squeaky Sneakers provide a cute soft “squeaking noise” after every step! Your baby or toddler will squeal with delight when he or she realizes he is the one making the squeaking noise! Very comfortable. The way the shoes are designed, a baby or toddler steps on air and forces it through the “squeaker” in order to produce the squeaky sound. As a result, your child is literally “walking on air”….if only they had them in adult sizes!!! Safety feature of knowing where your kid is in crowds should he/she scramble out of your hand. Just listen for the squeaking noise!

To win a pair of Squeaky Sneakers, leave the style name of the Squeaky Sneakers you’d like to win.

3. The Safe Sippy value $16.95

This VERY hard-to-find Safe Sippy cup was back in stock, but I was sold out of over 100 cups in less than 20 hours!

The Safe Sippy™ stainless steel drink cup was created in response to the growing body of emerging scientific evidence about the dangers of toxic chemicals used to make many plastics. We chose stainless steel because it is clean, stable and durable. Because stainless steel is stable and inert, it does not interact with the foods and fluids it comes into contact with. So what you put in is what you get out.

To win a Safe Sippy cup, leave a comment with the color of the Safe Sippy cup you’d like to win.

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Make sure to leave a comment with the information required for the item(s) you’d like to win. You can win only one of the items up for grabs, but you can enter all in one post for each item. For example, if you would like to win each item, leave ONE comment with the required information for EACH item you’d like.

If your name is drawn and you don’t include the name of the item(s) you’d like to win, I will pick another winner. Sorry, doods. Gotta be picky.

The Zoobie Pet giveaway is only open to US residents, but the Squeaky Shoes and Safe Sippy cup giveaways are open to everyone.

Winners will be notified via email, on this blog, and on Prizey.Fetch.

Thanks for visiting!

Pssst… Want a discount code? Use code 10AWLN for 10% off your order through Aug 1.

Pssst pssst… We have another Bloggy Giveaway at the Good for the Kids Blog. Click over for a chance to win a $50 gift certificate.

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Check out more Weekly Winners at Sarcastic Mom.

I got a new phone 2 weeks ago, so I thought I’d try out the camera. All of these were taken w/ my new iPhone camera.

Girls Holding Hands

Waiting

Damn Car Naps

Stealing a Moment

Bananas Supreme
We drove 45 minutes and spent $25 in gas & tolls for this dessert.
And it was WORTH IT.

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Visit Good for the Kids blog for my latest giveaway!

Hanging Claire

As you should know, I run a web store called Good for the Kids.

Today, I started a program where you, the blogger, can host a giveaway for me, the store, and you, the blogger, gets free stuff.

Go here for more details.

Now.

Do it.

Excuse me, sir, but when you cut in front of me to open the door to sneak your nasty ass inside of the bookstore, while I have two young girls, then DON’T EVEN FACKING BOTHER TO HOLD THE DOOR OPEN, you are an ass.

This may not seem like a big thing, the whole holding-the-door-open-for-the-lady-and-her-children. But it is.

I’m a Feminist. Not the bra-burning, death to Whitey, cut-off-your-nuts Feminist. I’m even a member of NOW or I was until I forgot to pay for my dues for this year.

But, I do want to be considered an equal when being considered for a job or picked for the team. But at the same time, I want to be able to cry to get out of a speeding ticket, I want the seat you’re sitting in if there are none left, and I want you to HOLD THE DURN DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND MY GIRLS.

So, Mr. Oblivious, can you please take your kicks off of Sir Chivalry’s balls, and hold the door open for me?

Love & kisses,

Me

Can you tell this kid LOVES penguins? What kind of a mom would I be if I didn’t force the kid to pet the damn penguin? That’s right, a pushover. No way, kid. You WILL PET THE DAMN PENGUIN.

SMILES!

Two other things to note: my smile for the camera, and the poor penguin wrangler’s face.

Classics.

I was asked to put up a list o’ crap I like for a blog swap I’m doing, but even if you’re not in the swap, I encourage you to send me something anyway.

• Chocolate (cliche, I know) - milk chocolate, brownies, cookies, baked goods in general
• TV, but I don’t know how you give TV, so we move on
• Daisies - not country daisies and not really retro daisies, but natural and fun daisies
• Puppy Dogs
• Blue - my fave color
• Photographs - taking them, looking at them, wishing I was better at taking them
• Chic lit, but I never get around to reading it (see: I love TV)
• Shoes - sandals, flip flops, Crocs (*gasp*), but in my old age and because I broke my foot last year, I have to have an arch. GAH.
• The scent of food (vanilla, cake, pies, etc.), but too much ‘fake’ scent gives me a headache.
• A lake house
• Water - my dream is to live on a lake, or eventually the ocean
• I DO NOT like scary movies. DONOTLIKE.
• Soda, but NEVER diet. I wish I did.
• I like new shirts. I’m a size XL or 14/16 at the fat girl stores.
• I like silly t-shirts like this one I own.
• Bags, purses, etc. I wanna be a really cool girl and have odd & quirky purses, but I never actually buy them.
• I think I could use a little bag for anything.
• Pink grapefruit lotions, but a MILD smelling lotion
• Herlarious note pads with dirty words. Tee Hee!

OK, I suck nutty balls. I can’t think of anything else.

Call me selfless.

Or boring.