In other words, my girls’ Halloween costumes. Oh, yes they did.

I swear on the life of my laptop, 99% their idea. No, brainwashing was not a factor in this idea, but who can blame them?

Blurb Halloween Photo Contest at The Parent Blogger Network entry: Funniest Costume(s)

Completely nommable

Cousin’s 1st Halloween together (+ my sis, Jackie)

PhotoHunt: Blue - OK, I stretched the theme this week, but there’s blue in every pic!

• My girls are dressing as Mr. Obama & Mrs. Obama for Halloween. Believe me when I say with 100% honesty that this was my 2yo’s idea. No, there will not be dark make-up or afro wigs. But there will be two brown babies. Stay tuned for pics this weekend.
• Is it possible to eat just one mini York Peppermint Pattie at a time?
• Lately, I’ve been eating way too much for a fat girl to eat.
• Do this now: Google fat ass girls. Go. Do it now. I’ll wait.
• Hi! I’m #3! I guess that’s why 9% of my visitors are looking for Lovely Lady Lumpy Butts.
• I have a serious addiction for all things Presidentially political. My nerves are shot waiting for Tuesday night. I check Daily Kos & Huffington Post 100 times a day and watching Keith Olbermann & Rachel Maddow are mandatory. Guess whom (who?) I’m voting for!
• Why didn’t anyone tell me earlier that being an aunt is even better easier than being a mom? I get to visit my little man, cuddle on him, smell his head, take his picture, maybe change a diaper, then off I go for a full-night’s sleep. Greatest. Thing. Ever. since my own kids.

When I found these shoes for Claire, my first thought went to Kelley, the shoe whore & my Aussie hot-bitch girlfriend. My second thought was, “I wonder how big these shoes come in so I can fit my fat foot into them.”

Kelley - this picture is for YOU. You may die.

I don’t want to hear any snide comments from Mr. X about my carpet. I have 2 young kids and 2 nasty dogs. We plan to get the carpet replaced next year. As long as I make lots of money from your shout-out, sir.

I would definitely describe myself as a ‘people person.’

But I’m not.

I’m a long-time friend person who will talk to anyone as long as I think it’s a short-term conversation.

I’m not shy. But past a “Hi! How’s your kid? Aren’t our kids in the same class?” real-life Twitter convo, I stick with my core group of friends.

I have a long-time friend who’s been my BFF since 1st grade (except 6th grade - bygones) who lives here in Orlando. And I have a core group of friends I met while teaching whom I miss seeing on a daily basis. But past them, I don’t make new friends.

I don’t want to.

They’re too much work. Too much drama. Too much cleaning, planning, idle chit-chat, blahblahblah.

I’ve made some good online friends and have actually met a few, and I would consider a few to be long-term friends and would be sad if they disappeared. But I don’t have to clean for them. Or plan my day around them

I don’t want more friends.

I’m too lucky with the friends I have for anyone else live up to them.

For now, I’ll life my real-life as a Twitter convo.

Every girl needs a sexy interweb blogger girlfriend like me. It’s now required, so get out and get you one.

JUST KEEP YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF MY KIM.

Kim came to town today and visited us at La Casa Cesordenado (Messy House). I am one lucky interweb blogger girlfriend. Not only is Kim THE HOTNESS, she brought me flowers, cannolis (funny Kim thought she’d find a bakery in Orlando - this ain’t Long Island), and my girls their own gift bags.

Yeah. I got flowers and cannolis from my HOTNESS interweb blogger girlfriend. Commence jealousy.

And bonus - she bought us lunch. Holy jackpot. BACK OFF, BITCHES. SHE’S MINE.

I think I caught Patrick putting the moves on her, but she recognizes she’s too hot for him, so I’m cool with that.

We went to a Dave & Buster’s-type place called Firkin Kegler and had nommy burgers then stuck around to play some arcade games. Kim almost beat Patrick at air hockey, but she let him win to save his manliness. I let her win at Nascar racing so she wouldn’t make me pony up some cash for lunch. She gave Patrick a run for his money on basketball shots, but in the end, Patrick let himself win.

My girls are natural athletes thanks to their parents, so they whooped up on some air hockey themselves.

I’m almost embarrassed to put myself up in this picture cause she is so much THE HOTNESS, but alas, our lurve is based on non-physical attributes on the interwebs, so what harm could it do.

We’ll be heading up to LI soon (we hope), and we’re definitely letting you pay for having dinner!

I lurves Lotus

Part 2 (see Part 1)

Last night, Hockeyman and I dressed up for our friends’ annual Halloween partay. And this is how we dressed:

Dick in a Box
Don’t know that reference? Shame on you! Visit the link and enjoy.

Let’s get a close-up of that shot.

Me & 2 of my besties (missed you Steph!)

I lurves Lotus

This is a two-parter for many reasons, the main being I don’t want to tarnish my kids’ pretty pics with the pics from our Halloween pics.

Oh, and they are worth the return visit. Yes. They. Are.

Pumpkin Heads
Please note Claire’s new ’smile.’

Claire

Searching

Carving

Jackie O’Lantern

Mad propz, yo, to HockeyMan for hiz carving skillz.

Oh, you Disney folks and your fancy advertising and catchy songs used for my 4- and 2-year-old children to covet your movies.

You motherpunching asshats.

While Hockeyman spent his evening at his first World Series game in St. Pete, I got stuck was left suckered into spent the time with my girls.

What better way to pass the time than to surprise them by going a movie they’ve wanted to see for the last 57 months. Why so long, you ask? Because the asshats as Disney promote their jerkwad movies for 6 months before they’re released, and I get to hear, “I wanna see the ‘EYE, CHIWHAWHA’ movie,” 145 times.

I figured I’d be the fun mama who finally takes my girls to see their long-awaited feature film at the “movie store.”

Note to self: Next time you have the girls alone all f-ing day, putt them to bed at 6:30pm instead of spending $14 to listen to one kid whine wanting to leave and the other scared at the mean people in the movie.

Disney people - your marketing machine worked. We gave you our hard-earned money. You gave me a heaping, steaming, juicy, corn-filled load of dog shit.

What do I get for going to see a talking dog movie? The thought of trying to pass my 92 minutes of talking dog hell by thinking of ways I can be eating my own face.

I actually had high hopes for liking this movie considering my life-long goal is to be the crazy dog lady with 8 Chihuahuas.

The absolute WORST non-part of this dog-poo-of-a-movie: That endearing song-and-dance routine with 500 performing Chihuahuas from the trailers are not even in the FUCKING MOVIE, so I had the pleasure of hearing my 4yo ask a MINIUMUM of 12 times when she could dance. NOT COOL, you Disney marketing asshats. Not cool.

Tonight marked the first of two times this week where I get to spend quality time with two of my favorite bloggers: Dawn @ Mom2My6Pack and Kim @ Jogging in Circles.

What do they have in common besides being incredible people, great bloggers, and acutally think I’m worthy of their friendship? They both have THICK regional accents.

I’m talking, you-know-what-airport-code-from-which-they-originated-as-soon-as-their-mouths-open kind of accents.

Their difference: Dawn has no clue she has an accent where Kim apologizes for it on a near-daily basis.

I crashed Dawn’s relaxing evening by the resort pool with my nutty pool-stairs-only girls, her 6 water-baby kids, nommy cheeseburgers, Dawn’s ‘mommy drink,’ and one strange birdman befriending our young girls.

I loves me an accent since I don’t have one, so I tend to notice them when I hear them. I’ve talked to Dawn several times over the last year, and have watched her interviews at 5 Minutes for Mom, so I know FOR SURE that she has a Chicagoland accent.

Yeah, you know she’s from the Mid West as soon as she says “because I said sooo, Jaaaaackson!”

Funny thing though - she has NO CLUE she has an accent, and neither do her kids. She even announced to the world via Twitter than I was ‘making fun’ of her endearing accent. No. No making fun. Just pointing out a fact. Even Mr. Dawn, Joe, agreed with me. (According to Dawn, you should never believe Joe, but that’s up to you to decide. I’m on Joe’s team on this one.)

I’d love for you, my tens of readers, to evaluate the evidence. I have a gentlwoman’s bet on this one with Dawn. Let me and her know if she does or does not have an accent.

Again, not making fun. Nope - just another reason to love Dawn.

Kim - your day for my accent evaluation is coming on Sunday. I’ll be rubbin’ up on you while you whisper sweet nothings in my ear with your luscious Lawng Iiiiland accent.