Dear The Universe,
Oprah once told me that if I “put it out there to The Universe,” that I would get back what I put out. I don’t think she was talking about putting out in the literal sense of the term, so I’ll keep what’s in my pants to myself for now. I think she meant that if I wanted something, I should tell you, The Universe.
I’ve done this before, this “putting it out to The Universe” thing. You really came through for me when I asked for a close parking spot at Target and put all of my focus on getting an unexpected check in the mail. I appreciate that $4.67 refund check that showed up from an over-payment to my doctor’s office. It just proves to me that asking for your help and putting things out to you, The Universe, really does work.
This time, I’m asking for a little bit more than a close parking spot at Target and a refund check in the mail. I’m asking for a reprieve from the incessant, not-so-subtle hints from my daughter that she have an iPad.
Yes, The Universe, I realize my 8-year-old daughter already has her own Kindle Fire, a few Nintendo 3DS & DS systems, my old iPhone/iPod Touch, and way too many other electronic entertainment systems to mention. She’s what some would call “spoiled.” I would call her “determined and focused on attaining a goal.”
Just as an example (I’m sure you already know this because you’re All-Knowing, The Universe), she heard on the news this morning that a boy was awarded $50,000 by the NHL for doing good deeds to fight bullying. Her first thought wasn’t, “Maybe I should do good for my community, too!” or “Wow – that money could help with his college education!”
Anna’s comment on the payout: “I WOULD SOOOOO BUY AN iPAD WITH THAT MONEY.”
That’s right, The Universe. The kid is laser-focused on having an iPad (or iPad Mini – she’s not a size queen) being gifted to her. It’s at the top of her Christmas Wish List. She’s hyper-focused on knowing what apps she can get, movies she can download, and even how to divide up her time between spending time on her beloved future iPad and all of her other activities.
Unfortunately, this mama hasn’t yet hit the Lotto, been awarded a cash gift for my good deeds, or had extra dollars land in my checking account. And having already explained to her that Steve Jobs was a tyrant and won’t allow Santa’s Workshop to manufacture anything Apple-related, we can’t blame dear old Santa for being an asshole and not delivering on her Wish List. It’s all on us this year.
What I’m putting out there, The Universe, is that I need an iPad (or iPad Mini – again, we’re not size-ist). I’m not putting this out there in the hopes that a rich friend and/or family member surprises us with a white box on our front porch (though, if that happened, AWESOME!). I’m putting my wish out to you in hopes that I’m pointed in the direction of some way to pay for a said iPad or to a contest I could win.
Because seriously, The Universe, my child is annoying the crap out of me. I get that you may think that “if it’s not one thing, it’s another,” and you’re probably right. I should work on teaching my child to be thankful and grateful for what she has, not what she doesn’t have.
But I more than kind of want an iPad, too. So if this “putting it out there” to you, The Universe, works for her, it might work for me, too.
Obi Wan Kenobi The Universe. You’re my only hope.
Love & wanton tongue kisses,