One of the “Getting To Know Your Body” lessons that stuck with me from elementary school is the one about self-esteem. The one where the teacher is all, “don’t be a bully” and “you’re worth it” and “when you point your finger at someone, you’re pointing 3 fingers back at yourself.” There’s also that one about “making fun of other people is really only trying to make yourself feel better.”

Well, yeah, duh. That’s why I watch “Cops” and “Rock of Love I,” “…II,” & “…Bus” and why I DON’T watch “The Biggest Loser.” I only watch shows that make me feel better about myself and not worse. It’s also why I love websites like “People of Walmart.”

I need the failures of others to make myself happy.

There. I said it.

Truthfully, it’s not the ONLY thing that brings me The Happy. I have Zoloft for what remains after I laugh at others behind their backs. And maybe a little from watching my girls grow. And maybe a little more from hearing, “I love you and you’re the greatest wife and I can’t live without you and I’ll never look at another woman again as long as you live and who farted?” from my husband. And maybe the remaining sliver of my self-worth is drawn from my inner being that sings to Bon Jovi songs with dreams of puppy dogs and daisies in my head. (I could totally be a Buddhist.)

Really, am I any different than 98% of the world? I think not. I just admit it.

I’ve read other blog posts written by the self-righteous who say, “I find my happy within myself” and “I don’t feel the need to compare myself to others to fulfill my self-worth” and “I feel the sunshine and the moonbeams on my skin, and I’m rejuvenated with all that is good and happy and holy. The End.”

Those people don’t really read my blog. Thank GOD.

So when I spot a GEM of a woman to which I can compare myself, I snap a picture.

This, my dear friends, makes me grateful I have a Mama who taught me right.

And, yes, I do feel good today, thankyouverymuch.

Wordless Wednesday

I’m outing myself as a Floridiot.

Swan or Goose?

You tell me.

I’m calling out Mother Nature in Central Florida as the Floridiot bitch she is. She can’t make her mind up whether she wants to freeze the fruit or sing like Lil’ Jon and let the sweat drop off my balls. skeet skeet

As the latest cold front (cold front to me = temps in the 50s – suckit northerners) moved in and the heat moved out, we were treated to beautiful puffball clouds.

Anna looked up and said, “Loooook Mamaaaaaaa…. All the little clouds are in cloud school!”

I smiled and swooned and took a picture.

Cloud School

Photohunt: Heat

Author’s note: How awesome of me to include a cute story my daughter made up about clouds in the same post that I mention sweat dripping off Lil’ Jon’s balls?

I’ll tell you. Talent. I has it.