It’s no wonder I turned out to be the Awesome person I am today.

According to Business Week Magazine, my hometown of Niceville, Florida, the little town on the bay where I was raised, is the best place to raise kids in Florida.

Best Place to Raise Kids in Florida: Niceville

Nearby city: Fort Walton Beach
Population: 11,874
Median family income: $71,888
Avg. school math score: 89.71 (State avg.: 68.43)
Avg. school reading score: 89.71 (State avg.: 65.91)

The town of Niceville, once known as “Boggy”, is in Florida’s panhandle along the shores of Choctawhatchee Bay. It has parks, a youth center, and sports fields and is home to the Boggy Bayou Mullet Festival (mullet the fish, not the hairstyle), which attracts thousands of attendees each year. ~Business Week

Home of the Mullet Festival! What better way to be presented to the business world than to promote the annual dirt-covered-feet, beer-guzzling, port-a-potty hovering, creepy-clown-show, fried-fish-baked-beans-and-grits eating, Billy Ray Cyrus-performing, windchime-selling, funnel cake-eating festival for a bottom-feeding fish.

And these folks:

This is MY town. I share it with ~12,000 other Nicevillians, most of whom are related or were transfered there by the military and stayed. Because according to my dad, “This is paradise.”

But I have to pick at the photo used in the Business Week article. That’s not Niceville. I hope it was taken in Destin, the beach town across the Bay, but there is no Gulf beach in Niceville.

Our “beach” on Choctawhatchee Bay looks more like this:

Heavenly.

Our dream is to move in with my parents back to Niceville, but until either my dad kicks off and leaves us his money or the tech job market grows, we’re here in Orlando, 7 hours away from the best place in Florida to raise kids.

I’m jealous of my friend Tara whom I found not because she lives in my town, but because she’s a blogger who happens to live in my hometown. I’m jealous of my high school friends who either “got stuck” or “got to go back,” depending on who you ask. I’m jealous of my parents who have lived and worked there since 1979.

And, yes, it is nice. Just don’t call it “Nashville.”

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: best places to raise kids, business week, florida, niceville

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Nearly every year for the last as far as I can remember, the state of Florida has offered sales tax-free shopping, or Sales Tax Holiday, weekends with the intention that parents of kids going back to school need a break on the cost of all the supplies and clothes needed. Florida sales tax varies from 6-7.5% depending on the county in which you live, so saving those pennies and dollars on your back-to-school purchases can add up if you’re buying a lot for your brood of darlings.

With the Sales Tax Holiday comes a government-issued list of approved taxable and tax-exempt items you may or may not need for little Johnny and Princess Suzy to use for school. Quoting from the state-issued list, “a list of clothing and accessory items and their taxable ( T) or exempt (E) status during the tax-free period if they are sold for $75 or less. (This list is not all inclusive.)” It’s pretty much anything you’d need for your crotch rockets to attend school and succeed is on the “tax exempt” list, but there are some items I have to call into question.

And for my favorite:

When I was pointing all of these out to Patrick yesterday, he took issue with me taking issue with these seemingly randomly-selected exempt items. He asked what solution I had for this random assortment of state-selected tax-free items.

My solution? Next year, the state of Florida need to consult with me on what should and should not be included in the Sales Tax Holiday item list. Look for the 2012 list to include beer, diamonds, margaritas, and televisions. If fanny packs and $75 tuxedos can be tax-exempt, why can’t the matching beer cans and big-screen TVs?

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: florida, floridiot, sales tax free dates, sales tax holiday, tax free

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I’ve decided to reverse my stance on being Judgy McJudgypants about people and kids who have sunburns. Living in Florida for my whole life, we see our share of Lobster People. Lobster People are those Northern/Midwestern/British folk who come to sunny Florida, think they can get away with no sunscreen for the first day to start their base tan, then end up babying their unevenly tan-lined, delicate fried skin for the remainder of their vacation.

We (or I if you’re a Floridian who doesn’t want to own up that you actually do this) secretly laugh at you and scoff at your decision to go without sunscreen. “YOU FOOL!” “You’re going to end up with skin cancer, you dolt!” “Good luck getting aloe vera gel back in Ohio, sucka!”

Today, I have a sunburn. It’s not a Def Con 10 Level Lobster Person sunburn, but I have a Def Con 6 Level burn that will result in my face shedding its burnt skin, likening me to a Leper in about 5 days.

I have delicate flower petal skin that’s not just white, it’s somewhere on the level of translucent. I fear the sun and its sunburning rays from May through September spending about $150 worth of sunscreen every summer. I don’t believe in “base tans” or in “laying out” or in “getting some sun.” I know sun is good for me in getting some Vitamin D, but I know I’ll get enough in my regular everyday life, and I don’t need to add additional sun rays to my skin.

My dad has carcinoma and melanoma, and I have bi-annual visits to my dermatologist where my freckly skin is checked and sliced of my *beauty* marks. My 1/2 Irish, all whitey girls are the same way. One of my girls has already been to the dermatologist for a questionable mole, so keeping our skin healthy is a priority for me. Seeing a “healthy glow” on me and my girls makes me nervous. But, I also don’t want to keep my girls locked inside all summer for fear of the sun.

We spent ALL DAY at the pool on Sunday. From 11am to after 5pm yesterday, we swam and ate and played at the resort pool as guests of my sister. Having resort pools within a few minute’s drive is really one of the best things about living in Orlando. Suckit, Northerners!

I applied sunscreen to myself and the girls AT LEAST 3 times each for the 6 hours were were in and out of the pool. I spent about 2 of the 6 hours under the umbrella with my baby niece, aka THE CUTEST BABY IN THE WHOLE WORLD, Paige.

We (not Paige) still got sunburned.

I’m embarrassed and ashamed and my nose feels like it may fall off and I’ll end up looking like Michael Jackson except I refuse to wear sequined epaulettes to distract from my missing nose.

But at least now we all have base tans.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 12 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: base tan, florida, paige, photo, pool, resort, sunburn, suntan

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Let’s talk dirty, sexy, money.

I miss that hokey show that lasted only 3/4 of a season, but that’s not really the point of this article. Still, we need a moment of silence for the Darlings.

***silence***

This is Part 2 of my “What the Eff is Going On In Education?” Series.

We’re talking about dirty, sexy, real money, except there’s no sexy in this money: the money teachers are paid to mold the brains of our nation’s youth.

You’d think the white men who sit atop the highest mountain in government would want our youth to be taught by the finest, highest paid, most celebrated professionals possible. But this is clearly not the case.

As I’ve written in the past, I was a public school teacher for 4 years with a Master’s degree in Elementary Education. Two of those years, I taught at a public Charter school, and the last two years, I taught at a typical county elementary school. The salaries I’ll be talking about here are the salaries earned teaching in the Orange County Public School system. All of this information is readily available on the OCPS.net website.

When I started working at the OCPS school with 2 years of instructional experience, I made about 34,000 per year with a $2400 “BONUS” for having a Master’s Degree in a related field.

(Sidenote: I made less per year as a bonus for having a Master’s Degree than it took to pay for one semester in Grad school.)

The current rate of pay for a brand new teacher, fresh out of college with a Bachelor’s Degree is $37,000 per year.

Let’s break this down into hourly pay, shall we?

180 days of school
14 days of pre-planning, post-planning, and contracted teacher work days
37.5 (paid) hours of work per week, required to be on school campus or at an in-service training

1455 hours contracted to work per year

$23.34/hour contracted to work for a first-year teacher

Not bad, right? Not really GOOD, but not horrible. It’s a good start!

Let’s take a look at other jobs in Orlando where you could earn about $23.34/hour worked, straight out of college:

• Business Systems Analyst - $25.00 Per Hour
• Technical Support Specialist I - $20.00 – $24.00 Per Hour
• Programmer Analyst – IT - $40,000.00 – $50,000.00 Per Year (hourly rate adjusted for more hours worked/year)

Not too bad, eh? It’s a good entry point into the workforce.

Now, let’s look down the road 15 years and see what’s available for seasoned, practiced professionals in the teaching field.

A teacher in Orange County is contracted to be paid $45,600 per year. Let’s assume she’s earned her Master’s Degree along the way, so we’ll add $2,605 to her yearly salary.

$33.13/hour contracted to work for a teacher with 15 years’ experience.

Now let’s take a look at what other jobs pay per year in Orlando with 15 years’ experience and a Master’s Degree.

• Vice President, Manufacturing & Product Design - $150,000.​00 – $225,000
• Senior Director, Projects and Applications (at OCPS) - $83,998.​00 – $95,376.​00
• Director of Merchandise Retail Store Design and Visual Presentation - $108,428.​80 – $135,536

JAW.

DROPPED.

I’m kind of speechless.

How is this OK in America? OK around the world? How is it socially acceptable for the women and men who teach the future corporate vice presidents and senior directors to earn a comparative pittance?

First step: Respect your child’s teacher. They probably make far less than you and do way more than what’s in a contracted day’s work.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: hourly, money, pay, salary, teachers, wage

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My left knee is still messed up. I have an MRI scheduled for June 21. Happy early birthday, Patrick!

When I take anti-inflammatories and darvoset, it feels a bit better, but only a bit. It still hurts like a mo’fo when I pick it up off the ground. You know, like when I do ANYTHING.

My girls were already going to my parent’s house for the week because I was going to Anissa’s (*sob*), so now I’m going up there with them so my mom can take care of all three of us. I’ll be the one on the couch being served sammiches and pie.

You think I’m joking.

She’s a good mom like that.

My mom can beat up your mom in a World’s Best Mom pageant. She’d kill you with her passive-aggressive statements and near-to-tears smile.

They live just across the inter-coastal from Destin, FL where tar balls and oil sheen has been spotted, but for now, it’s 99% clear on the beach. That is MY beach.

And of course, with my bum knee, I can’t hobble my way out to the sand without possibly tweaking my knee even more.

But I must go there. I MUST see it before it’s gone. As much as I’d like to think it wouldn’t and couldn’t happen, there’s an extremely likely possibility that MY beach will be ruined for years.

I must go and see it, photograph it, smell it, feel it.

Be there.

I will find a good place to go and be there without walking too far on my bum* knee.

That or I’ll tell myself, “It will be worth it to completely wreck my knee for getting to spend time on my beach with my girls.”

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

*Why is it that I keep wanting to add a “b” or another “m” to the end of bum? Stupid English language and its weird sometimes rules.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2010. | Permalink | 13 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beach, injury, knee

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One of the “Getting To Know Your Body” lessons that stuck with me from elementary school is the one about self-esteem. The one where the teacher is all, “don’t be a bully” and “you’re worth it” and “when you point your finger at someone, you’re pointing 3 fingers back at yourself.” There’s also that one about “making fun of other people is really only trying to make yourself feel better.”

Well, yeah, duh. That’s why I watch “Cops” and “Rock of Love I,” “…II,” & “…Bus” and why I DON’T watch “The Biggest Loser.” I only watch shows that make me feel better about myself and not worse. It’s also why I love websites like “People of Walmart.”

I need the failures of others to make myself happy.

There. I said it.

Truthfully, it’s not the ONLY thing that brings me The Happy. I have Zoloft for what remains after I laugh at others behind their backs. And maybe a little from watching my girls grow. And maybe a little more from hearing, “I love you and you’re the greatest wife and I can’t live without you and I’ll never look at another woman again as long as you live and who farted?” from my husband. And maybe the remaining sliver of my self-worth is drawn from my inner being that sings to Bon Jovi songs with dreams of puppy dogs and daisies in my head. (I could totally be a Buddhist.)

Really, am I any different than 98% of the world? I think not. I just admit it.

I’ve read other blog posts written by the self-righteous who say, “I find my happy within myself” and “I don’t feel the need to compare myself to others to fulfill my self-worth” and “I feel the sunshine and the moonbeams on my skin, and I’m rejuvenated with all that is good and happy and holy. The End.”

Those people don’t really read my blog. Thank GOD.

So when I spot a GEM of a woman to which I can compare myself, I snap a picture.

This, my dear friends, makes me grateful I have a Mama who taught me right.

And, yes, I do feel good today, thankyouverymuch.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 42 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: laugh, self esteem, shallow

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Wordless Wednesday

I’m outing myself as a Floridiot.

Swan or Goose?

You tell me.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 31 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: bird, florida, goose, lake, lake eola, orlando, photos, swan, wordless wednesday

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I’m calling out Mother Nature in Central Florida as the Floridiot bitch she is. She can’t make her mind up whether she wants to freeze the fruit or sing like Lil’ Jon and let the sweat drop off my balls. skeet skeet

As the latest cold front (cold front to me = temps in the 50s – suckit northerners) moved in and the heat moved out, we were treated to beautiful puffball clouds.

Anna looked up and said, “Loooook Mamaaaaaaa…. All the little clouds are in cloud school!”

I smiled and swooned and took a picture.

Cloud School

Photohunt: Heat

Author’s note: How awesome of me to include a cute story my daughter made up about clouds in the same post that I mention sweat dripping off Lil’ Jon’s balls?

I’ll tell you. Talent. I has it.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 16 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: blue sky, clouds, cold front, photograph, photohunt

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I’m an ass,

I wrote a post last week about the suckiness of Orlando, but I’ve had a change of heart in just a week.

Why?

Cause Mama got a FREE mini vaca!!!! WOOT WOOT!

Seems the MiL got a new timeshare at one of the ritziest places in all of the universes Orlando, and we got to come along for the ride. Saweeet!

We were planning on only visiting during the day. Then we decided at the last minute to stay one night.

Then Mama walked in the place.

And Mama decided to stay the WHOLE DAMN WEEKEND.

Holy SHIZ! Talk about resort living in luxury!

MiL got a two-bedroom suite w/ 2 balconies, full kitchen (totally went to waste, much like my own kitchen), two full fancy pants bathrooms, two king-size beds, and one whirlpool tub big enough to fit the five of us. And two of us ain’t what you’d consider “small persons.”

You can start your jealousy now. Cause I’m jealous of myself, and I was there.

Now I’m trying to figure out how to scam each of the timeshares around Orlando into letting us stay a night or two. If anyone has pointers on how to:

a) get access to the many resort pools in Orlando
OR
2) get a free night or two in any of the many resorts in Orlando

please contact me ASAP. I’m running short on nice weather around here. It’s about to turn hellish – as in, 95 degree heat with 99% humidity.

GINORMOUS (will someone tell spell-check this is a word) Bath Tub
GIRLS GONE WILD!

Swinging in the Pool

Girls in the Pool – If you’d like to start donating to this kid’s future orthodontic care, I’ll kiss you. On the lips.

Monkey See…

Water Baby

This pic is SOOC (“untouched by Photoshop” for those not INK (“in the know” for those OOTL (“out of the loop” for those not in my head))) For serious – BEAUTIFUL day.

Commence jealousy, sucka.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2008. | Permalink | 17 comments | Add to del.icio.us
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In doing extensive research on the subject of the once-fashionable jean shorts for my sister post to the too-short shorts, I discovered the term “Jorts.” Call me a girl on this one, but I’d like to compliment the creator of the term. You, my man, are da man.

Why, you ask, am I discussing the travesty fashion of the jean shorts?

It seems, my dear tens of readers, two of my cousins believe them to be acceptable attire in mixed company. For serious.

There are still people wearing the short jean. The Jort.

Who are these people and why do they still sport the Jort?

Two of these people are my cousin and my cousin’s husband. And they DEFEND their right to wear the jean short. They are PROUD of their jean shorts. They wear them in mixed company at times of sorrow, at times of joy, and at times of togetherness.

Anytime, my friend, is not the right time for the jean short.

They may convince themselves of the convenience or comfort or stylish looks of the Jort, but they need a visit from the Fashion Fairy and a healthy serving of knuckle sandwich.

Most Jorts wearers also don a Mullet (the hairdo, not the fish) as seen in the pictures available here. (My cousins may be the exception to the rule.)

Also perplexing is the propensity to TUCK in the printed t-shirt IN TO the Jorts all-pulled-together by a braided belt loosely knotted and flipped around (as cousin #1 exhibits).

The Jorts fashion is limited to the proud and true 50 States as I’ve never witnessed any other non-AmeriCAN in all of my 19 days of overseas travel donning the Jorts. If any of you exotics have spotted the Jorts in your local pub, be sure to snap a pic for posterity.

Even though I am a Florida native, I am NOT a Florida (UF) fan. (GO NOLES!) So imagine my elation when I discovered that UF fans actually LIKE wearing jean shorts and do it on purpose. How apropos that the the lowest of the low Floridiots would WANT to wear Jorts.

Lastly, I am inspired by the blog, Stuff White People Like, and I am going out of a limb and proclaim that black people DO NOT WEAR JORTS. None. Not one. This is a white boy phenomenon. I am challenging you, my tens of readers, to link to me a photo of a black man wearing Jorts.

Disclaimer: Jorts do not fall in the same definition as hip hop baggy man capris normally worn by young black men. Jorts are mainly stone- or acid-washed denim adorned with a belt and tucked-in shirt. I’m talking JORTS here, peeps.

Find me a black man in Jorts and you got yourself a $10 gift certificate to my store. (Limited to 2 gift certs in case I’m totally wrong in this.)

************************************

UPDATE:

Angela @ goinpopless is the 1st to submit a black man in Jorts:

Anyone else? 1 more gift certificate left!

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2008. | Permalink | 21 comments | Add to del.icio.us
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