Of course, I’d forget somebody’s birthday…

HAPPY 31st (?) BIRTHDAY TO DAWN!

Dawn (Mom2My6Pack) and I have become friends through the internets and met in person in October when someone hinted to someone to bring her to SeaWorld!

Go by and visit Dawn at her blog, Because I Said So, cause she’s hard at work writing her book and she needs some lovin.

And visit Mamas Like - the review blog that Dawn and I publish together.

Happy Birthday today to my sister, Jackoff Jackass Jack-O-Lantern BitchBitchBitchDetermined Jackie! You’re 30!!! That means you’re O.L.D. like me.

This month, actually this week, I have FOUR birthday presents to buy. Not just kiddo birthdays - adult birthdays.

I can’t just go out and buy the latest and greatest cheap plastic lead-paint-ridden toy for a 3-year-old. I have to actually THINK about what to get them.

That’s where you, my loyal tens of readers, come in. What should I get them for their birthdays? HELP!

Jackie - my sister - turning 30 today. She enjoys wine, crappy TV, wine, working out eating, wine, buying expensive purses, and wine.

Ma - my mother - turning 58 on Saturday. She enjoys wine, her grandchildren, wine, golf, wine, and reading catalogs.

Sorry, wrong picture.

Harlot* - skank friend - turned 30 March - She has crabs. She enjoys wine, her son, wine, kvetching, wine, and eating chips & queso.

Wannaseemyunderwear?* - skank friend - turning 28 this week (damn - I don’t know the exact date. Some friend I am…) - Skinny Bitch. She enjoys alcohol, playing Wii, alcohol, reading, alcohol, showing her boobs & her underwear, and alcohol.

*Some names have been changed to protect the innocent and their jobs.

 Trouble

She was posing, so I took advantage

Off to work

Potty training (not working)

The Boss going to work

A new medium

My best friend is having a baby

I’m giving props to one of my favorite blogs, i am bossy and I’m stalking her to force, no, make her my friend, and borrowing her “little known facts” section of her blog. I’m not as fancy-pants as her blog is, but I’ll get there someday. So, as a tribute to bossy, I’m starting “You Didn’t Really Want to Know This, but Now You’re Stuck Reading” or “YoDiReWaKnThNoYoStRe.” That’s a bit long, so how I’ll re-name it, “Farts and Other Stuff.”

*Around MessyHouse, when a fart is released, it is always answered in the form of a question: “What?”

*HockeyMan belches in word-form: “BUUUUUURRRRRP”

*I have webbed toes - makes me swim faster. It’s not geeeroooossssss, but some people get weirded out by them. I can still wear sandals and most people don’t notice. Unless their my closest friends, and then they just refer to me as “freak.”

*I know all of the words to Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar On Me. I’m a product of the early 90s.

*I believe that the album Ten by Pearl Jam is, and always will be, the greatest album in its entirety. DO NOT CHALLENGE ME ON THIS, or you will be blacklisted. I’m not sure how, but don’t test me.

*I can test HockeyMan’s 80s Hair Band knowledge by tuning to Sirius channel 23 (Hair Nation), and he can guess the band with 90% accuracy.

*My husband is David Beckham. Do NOT tell me otherwise.

It’s a freak show at MessyHouse. More freakishness will follow.

Tonight, HockeyMan and I attended our friends’ annual “Beerlitofest”/Halloween Party. After weeks of back-and-forth on what to wear (BritBrit/K-Fed, Bacon/Eggs, Plug/Socket), we stopped in to Target today to buy the clothes for our original idea - me-Fried Egg, HockeyMan-Chef. When I couldn’t find the white pants I needed (I’ll never say that again and mean it) browsing through every section of the women’s clothing, it hit me.

It’s Christmas time (what? already? no - the “man” just wants you to believe it’s already THAT time so you’ll start buying gifts now - BTW - did you hear Good for the Kids is having a store-wide sale? stock up now!), and Christmas PJs are already out. So, like any other non-creative, lazy, I-can-only-spend-5-minutes-dressing-for-a-Halloween-Party woman, I decided we’ll go as Christmas Morning!

What exactly does that mean? Pajamas! Annoyingly cute, fleece, reindeer pajamas with the biggest fluffy animal slippers I could find. HockeyMan found some “Family Guy” Xmas pajamas for himself and some Homer Simpson slippers.

Did I mention we had battery-powered Xmas lights around our neck? That’s the piece de resistance. Instant Christmas morning.

We were the HIT of the party! Everyone was so jealous that they had to put on silly makeup, wear tight tights, and masks while we lounged around in our PJs.

I don’t have pictures yet, but none are really needed to get across my idea for the BEST Halloween costume EVER.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Check out my post at Mamas Like today!

Dawn from Because I Said So will be on ABC World News Tonight TONIGHT!!!!!!!

Dawn and I are teaming up to write a WAHM product & site review blog called Mamas Like. It will be up and running tonight!

Come check us out!

I guess I’ve hit a wall of sleep deprivation. I really need to get to bed earlier than I have been (like before 1:30am). So I’m having a one-woman protest against thinking, and I’ll just post ideas for future blogs since I can’t think of anything else to write about.

1. My new friend Dawn at Mom2My6Pack suggests “compare and contrast the presidential candidates,” “Should Rudy Guilliani go by Rudy or Rudolph?,” and “The Italian Neo Realist Movement in film was neither Italian nor neo nor particularly a movement. Discuss!” See, I can’t even think of my own non-topics to talk about (and she really only thought of 2 of the 3). Thanks, Miss Dawn!

2. Kids say the darndest things. We have a rule in my house that you can’t say you don’t like something before you try it. My 3yo, NaNa, came to ask me what I was taking out of the oven (SHOCKER! I actually used the oven!), and I told her meatloaf. She started to say, “But I don’t liiiikkkkeee…,” and that’s when I gave her the Mama Look. She stopped mid-word and said, “Ooohhh, OOOO…KKKK….” It may not read as funny as it was, but for a late-talking kid, it was herlarious.

3. New Fall season TV shows. Holy crabs! This year’s shows are Uh-May-Zing-Ly Good. Some of my faves are Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money, Bionic Woman, Carpoolers, and Big Bang Theory. I usually have high hopes for TV shows, and then they fall flat. But this year, these shows are goooood. Any other suggestions on shows I need to see?

4. Adult-onset acne. I know, a little yucky personal, but it’s a major thing with me right now. I had really bad skin in high school, but once I got on The Pill, it pretty much cleared up. Now that I’ve had my kids, my husband has been snipped, and I’m no longer on estrogen-modifying meds, my skin is a WRECK. I’ve tried the basics, the “medical” stuff from TV (Hey, if it worked for Jessica Simpson, it should work for me, right? Ummmm, no.), and now I’m on some really expensive crap. Any ideas?

5. I have the best skanks friends in the world. Finally. I’ll expand in another post.

6. Food. Glorious food. I could write all my posts about food. But since I’m protesting today, I won’t write an actual post.

Damn. I actually made it to a whole post. I guess I’m not so brain dead after all, but now I’ve already written this, and I’m trying to get to bed before… Oh, crap. It’s already 12am. And the baby’s crying.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Two of my very good friends have 2yo boys a few weeks apart from one another. They’re both in the same day care class while their moms, both teachers at the same school, go to work.

Why am I sharing this info?

Becuase these 2 YEAR OLDS have HOMEWORK!

Yes, I said homework. For 2 year olds. In day care.

What was the homework for the 2 year olds in day care? Writing letters.

Exsqueese me? 2 year olds writing letters?

As a mom of two toddlers (3 & 1) with Master’s Degree in Elementary Education, I’d like to know what is this world coming to?

******************************