Thursday 13 + 7

Continuing…

41. Stupid people really annoy me. Not people who don’t have the ability to learn, but the people who refuse to learn. Take, for example, family members who feed their babies an entire piece of chocolate cake. I’m no mother-of-the-year, but for Jeebus-sake, read a book and know you don’t feed babies chocolate.

42. I hate apathetic people. Get a backbone and take a side or have an opinion.

43. I wish I knew how to understand Spanish. It’d be nice to speak it, but I at least wanna know what the Spanish-speaking people at Wal-Mart are saying behind my back.

44. I wear a size 16. At Lane Bryant. Sometimes.

45. I like wearing silly shoes, but I need more confidence and money to wear them more.

46. I have NO concept of why baby and child beauty pageants exist. Wait - I do have a concept. Moms who enter their kids into the pageants are living vicariously through their children.

47. I’m not religious. I believe myself to be spiritual at times, but not religious. I’ve never been to a church of a regular basis, so when people discuss the Bible, I don’t get 95% of what they’re saying. I need to learn more not for the faith aspect, but for the history.

48. I have two nasty dogs. Well, 1 nasty dog and 1 who has to live with the nasty dog. Nasty as in she drinks her own pee. I’ll stop there.

49. Someday soon, I will get my fat-ass to do the splits.

50. I love being in water and swimming.

51. I was a lifeguard at a Girl Scout camp when I was 16. Every day I was terrified that I’d have to save someone. Luckily I didn’t.

52. I’ve never lost a swimming race. Especially against my sister’s one arm swimming technique.

53. I hate money. But only when I don’t have any.

54. I was intensely moved by seeing Spring Awakening on Broadway in February. If I could, I’d pay for all of my readers to go see it.

55. I have recently come to terms with myself and my body. I REFUSE to let my body stop me from doing anything.

56. I have my dream home pictured in my head, but it changes every time I watch House Hunters.

57. Forget #55. I wish I had nicer boobs. Not necessarily bigger but a nicer shape.

58. I love sauce. Marinara sauce, cheese sauce, honey mustard sauce, Ranch sauce, BBQ sauce, etc. WPAT & XBox - say no more…

59. I have a pointy nose. So does my mom. So does my sister.

60. “Crazy eyes” scare me.

I’ve admitted before, I have lovely lady lumps and I don’t mean my boobies. I mean the cheesy lumps on my arse and my thighs. Being that I am a plumpalicious girl, I am standing up and protecting my fellow larger ladies and the rest of the world.

How? By calling a moratorium on shorts that are wider than they are long.

Unless you are in the top .01% of the ladies in the U.S., YOUR SHORTS SHOULD BE LONGER THAN THEY ARE WIDE. If this ratio is on the negative side, DON’T SQUEEZE YOUR FAT ASS INTO THE SHORTS.

Just because some clothing store makes the clothes and you can pull up the screaming zipper, DO NOT buy the shorts.

Oh, sweet Jesus and Oprah. Here is my evidence from Old Navy:

Allowing Old Navy (and others) to sell shorts at a 4 1/2″ inseam in a size 6 or up should be criminal. Allowing us larger ladies think it is OK to leave the house, much less purchase, any shorts less than a 5″ inseam (and still you gotsta have some NICE legs to pull those off) is a travesty.

And who are they joking with this picture of the shorts with a space between the legs? No woman who is a size 14 or up has any space between her thighs. You nasty nasty marketing picture-taking people at Old Navy are trying to make us think that those shorts (with pleats btw) will allow our crotches to breathe.

Sorry, ladies, but wearing these shorts will only allow your ass to have a snack on some denim.

So, please. For the love of Jesus and Oprah. Stand UP and show your lovely legs! Just wear your shorts a little longer.

My new TITANIUM glasses. I’m too cool for school.

Yeah, so this whole “economy going downhill and we’re all gonna be destitute in 9.4 months” is kinda scary. Scary in a way that sucks. Scary in a way that makes me wanna do something.

I’m a business owner. I never really thought I’d say that, but I have to admit, I like saying it. I try my best to make my business a professional, customer-driven company. Staying alive in the upcoming (and current) downturn in the economy (stupid) is going to be VERY important to my sanity family.

I want to start a grass-roots campaign to help support small businesses such as my own. I want to feel love from my fellow online bloggy community. I don’t mean shop in my store and only my store and spend every last “extra” dollar you have on my website. I mean support the small business online and where you live.

The small businesses are what is going to keep our economy (stupid) from hitting the crapper. Trust me - WalMart, Target, and any other Big Box stores are NOT going to go under just because you stop buying every little thing you need from them just because you can save $1.45.

Small businesses, like mine and other mom-owned web stores, will suffer and be forced out of business without your help.

I guarandamntee you that you WILL find deals and competitively-priced products from small business. Try the sites. Spend a few extra minutes online and see what’s out there.

For my Thursday 13, I give you 13 of some GREAT online stores, all of which are run by moms. You never know what you might find!

1. Good for the Kids - My beloved online store. Of course I’d be first!

2. B3 Boutique - mom-owned

3. Scrapless Creations - mom-owned

4. Super Healthy Kids - mom-owned

5. Allison Strine Designs - mom-owned Etsy store

6. My Little Monkey Boutique - mom-owned

7. Three Chickadees - moms-owned

8. I Wanted to Wonder - mom/mom-owned

9. Red Thread Confections - mom-owned DELICIOUS gourmet chocolates

10. Emily Allyn - mom-owned

11. For the Monster - mom-owned cloth diaper store

12. Mom Spit - mom-owned - I use this stuff EVERY day

13. Tees for Change - mom-owned - I LOOOOOVE her “green” shirts

I URGE you to start shopping with us small guys. It’s not only economy-friendly, it’s eco-friendly! Really!

I’ll be listing more online small businesses in later posts, so please please please spread the word to shop online with other small businesses. Even if you don’t post about it, spend a few $$ and help everyone.

This kid’s hair is gonna be the death of me. BTW - whey the throw themselves on the floor crying, I take pictures.

This 3-year-old can do things with a computer that would frighten the CIA.

Riding around Target on a PlasmaCar. She was so good, I ordered one the next day.

HockeyMan liked it, too.

Hey, it’s me. Without makeup. With post-baby acne. Lucky me.

So yummy! So yummy!

Welcome fellow par-tay ladies from the 5 Minutes for Mom Blog Party! If you haven’t heard of the par-tay, stick around, grab some dip, and join in the fun. Well, as much fun as you can have typing away on your compy ignoring screaming kids.

I’ve been blogging here since mid-2007, and I have a review blog with Dawn from Mom2My6Pack/Because I Said So called Mamas Like. I spend most of my time working on my web store, Good for the Kids, where I offer products for babies, kids, and mamas. It keeps me way too busy, but it’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I think I’m pretty good at it. Check it out. All of my blog readers get a discount using coupon code 10offblog. Bonus!

A little about the “Me” who is typing: I enjoy TV, food, and my compy (oh, MacBook Pro, how I love thee). I’ve been married for 10 years this September - 8 years too long. I have webbed toes just bad enough to where I can’t wear toe socks, I enjoy crappy TV, I enjoy good TV, and I hate cooking. I also hate cleaning, laundry, and general housework. I am on a mission to find a housewife who will work for free. My husband thought he married one, but he was sorely mistaken. To be a good housewife, I’d have to be my mother, and that just wouldn’t be good. HockeyMan says he’d trade me in for her any day just to get her cooking and clean socks, but he was under the influence at the time I’m sure.

Oh yeah - I have 2 kiddos born 18 months apart. To me, better worse than twins because the older one teaches the younger how to plot against me. Their names are The Boss & Trouble. Just check their birth certificates. They are THE CUTEST kids on earth. DON’T even think of telling me that your kids are cuter. Cause they ain’t. And my kids are way smarter than yours.

Now to the good stuff. I have a prize available on the main 5 Minutes for Mom Blog Party, but I’m offering a prize here as well! Two prizes! What could be better?

Leave a comment here by March 14 at 11:59pm telling me how pretty I look today or how heeelarious you think I am (for serious - not required, but SO nice to hear!), sign the Mr. Linky (not required for the giveaway), and you’ll be automatically entered to win a $50 gift certificate to my online store, Good for the Kids. That’s 50 big ones to spend on your kids yourself just for leaving a comment and getting your bloggy par-tay on!

Go shop now because just for shiz and giggles, if you happen to be the big wiener winner, I’ll refund the amount of the gift certificate PLUS domestic shipping costs back to you. BONUS BONUS! You can thank me later.
The winner will be notified here, via email (no need to leave your email address in the comment, just in the form), and on Prizey.Fetch.

Thanks for stopping by! Please come back. I need the validation and attention.

The contest is now over, but feel free to leave comments. I’ll always need comment lovin’. 

Front: The Boss, still-crapping-in-her-pants 3-1/2 year-old, way too smart for my own good, creative, imaginative, says, “How, ’bout that!” way to knowingly

Back: Trouble, short-fused, big hair, big smile, compassionate, says, “Come on, everybodeee!” way to cutely

Canine: 11-year-old pound puppy, recently discovered heart murmur, 10 pounds overweight, friendly (see above)

I’m not feeling as (can’t even think of the word now as I write) sarcastic and writerly as usual. I think it’s the 200 orders I have yet to ship out from being gone 1/2 of February.

Please submit ideas you’d like me to write about in the comments below. Maybe that will help…

Oh, Mama Oprah. Please give me some inspiration. And, yes, Mama Oprah, I know Mr. Tolle has taught us not to label ourselves and others, but right now, I don’t wanna think. I’m reverting back to my pre-New Earth ways for a few days.

Because of the number of fellow lay-dayz (HOLLA!) who want to join me and JackAss JackOff Jacquisha my only favorite sister in our old age, I’m accepting some suggestions for our future life. Good ideas can join us. Bad idea, find someone else to bother.

So far, here are some great suggestions for our future agoraphobic life:

Alcohol, and LOTS of it, suggested by MammaLoves.

BonBons - Hello? Why didn’t I think of that the first time around? VDog, you’re in.

HOUSECOAT! Wear it, and you’re in, Mommy Always Wins.

Bitching, or as Senora Patron said, a “bunch of vindictive women picking on unsuspecting and naive menfolk.”

So now I’ve decided to create a commune. Women and gay men only. You are MORE than welcomed to join as long as you have ideas on how to make our community a better place. Or, if you want to clean our house, you can come along.

On our first day in Manhattan, I think I ate 8000 calories in just dinner, dessert, and 2nd dessert.

Union Square Cafe ~ 7:30pm

I don’t drink beer, but HockeyMan does. It’s just a good pic.

Potato-less Gnocchi - Who knew? Mine

Serious Scallops Mine

Polenta with Goodness Ours

Banana Goodness Mine

Bull & Bear at the Waldorf=Astoria ~ 11:00pm

Real Waldorf Salad at the Waldorf=Astoria Mine

Onion Soup HockeyMan

Almond Creme Brule at Bull & Bear Mine

Key Lime Sandwich HockeyMan

Uhhhhhh….. How much for apps and dessert????
Our receipt at Bull & Bear at Waldforf=Astoria.

I’m thinking of going into a new career - food photog as long as I get to eat the food after.

Wordless Wednesday

I love you!

In honor of V-Day (and Mishi told me I had to), here’s 13 ways I say, “I love you”:

1. You da bomb.

2. Lurve ya.

3. You kinda stink. Can you take a shower before we…?

4. That was a GOOD one (fart)!

5. Later.

6. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

7. Miss you.

8. You make pretty babies.

9. Thanks for bringing me home a McFlurry!

10. Yes, you can take my girlfriend out on a date.

11. Here’s the remote.

12. Thanks.

13. You are such a dork.

I love you.