So yummy! So yummy!

Welcome fellow par-tay ladies from the 5 Minutes for Mom Blog Party! If you haven’t heard of the par-tay, stick around, grab some dip, and join in the fun. Well, as much fun as you can have typing away on your compy ignoring screaming kids.

I’ve been blogging here since mid-2007, and I have a review blog with Dawn from Mom2My6Pack/Because I Said So called Mamas Like. I spend most of my time working on my web store, Good for the Kids, where I offer products for babies, kids, and mamas. It keeps me way too busy, but it’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I think I’m pretty good at it. Check it out. All of my blog readers get a discount using coupon code 10offblog. Bonus!

A little about the “Me” who is typing: I enjoy TV, food, and my compy (oh, MacBook Pro, how I love thee). I’ve been married for 10 years this September - 8 years too long. I have webbed toes just bad enough to where I can’t wear toe socks, I enjoy crappy TV, I enjoy good TV, and I hate cooking. I also hate cleaning, laundry, and general housework. I am on a mission to find a housewife who will work for free. My husband thought he married one, but he was sorely mistaken. To be a good housewife, I’d have to be my mother, and that just wouldn’t be good. HockeyMan says he’d trade me in for her any day just to get her cooking and clean socks, but he was under the influence at the time I’m sure.

Oh yeah - I have 2 kiddos born 18 months apart. To me, better worse than twins because the older one teaches the younger how to plot against me. Their names are The Boss & Trouble. Just check their birth certificates. They are THE CUTEST kids on earth. DON’T even think of telling me that your kids are cuter. Cause they ain’t. And my kids are way smarter than yours.

Now to the good stuff. I have a prize available on the main 5 Minutes for Mom Blog Party, but I’m offering a prize here as well! Two prizes! What could be better?

Leave a comment here by March 14 at 11:59pm telling me how pretty I look today or how heeelarious you think I am (for serious - not required, but SO nice to hear!), sign the Mr. Linky (not required for the giveaway), and you’ll be automatically entered to win a $50 gift certificate to my online store, Good for the Kids. That’s 50 big ones to spend on your kids yourself just for leaving a comment and getting your bloggy par-tay on!

Go shop now because just for shiz and giggles, if you happen to be the big wiener winner, I’ll refund the amount of the gift certificate PLUS domestic shipping costs back to you. BONUS BONUS! You can thank me later.
The winner will be notified here, via email (no need to leave your email address in the comment, just in the form), and on Prizey.Fetch.

Thanks for stopping by! Please come back. I need the validation and attention.

The contest is now over, but feel free to leave comments. I’ll always need comment lovin’. 

Front: The Boss, still-crapping-in-her-pants 3-1/2 year-old, way too smart for my own good, creative, imaginative, says, “How, ’bout that!” way to knowingly

Back: Trouble, short-fused, big hair, big smile, compassionate, says, “Come on, everybodeee!” way to cutely

Canine: 11-year-old pound puppy, recently discovered heart murmur, 10 pounds overweight, friendly (see above)

I’m not feeling as (can’t even think of the word now as I write) sarcastic and writerly as usual. I think it’s the 200 orders I have yet to ship out from being gone 1/2 of February.

Please submit ideas you’d like me to write about in the comments below. Maybe that will help…

Oh, Mama Oprah. Please give me some inspiration. And, yes, Mama Oprah, I know Mr. Tolle has taught us not to label ourselves and others, but right now, I don’t wanna think. I’m reverting back to my pre-New Earth ways for a few days.

Because of the number of fellow lay-dayz (HOLLA!) who want to join me and JackAss JackOff Jacquisha my only favorite sister in our old age, I’m accepting some suggestions for our future life. Good ideas can join us. Bad idea, find someone else to bother.

So far, here are some great suggestions for our future agoraphobic life:

Alcohol, and LOTS of it, suggested by MammaLoves.

BonBons - Hello? Why didn’t I think of that the first time around? VDog, you’re in.

HOUSECOAT! Wear it, and you’re in, Mommy Always Wins.

Bitching, or as Senora Patron said, a “bunch of vindictive women picking on unsuspecting and naive menfolk.”

So now I’ve decided to create a commune. Women and gay men only. You are MORE than welcomed to join as long as you have ideas on how to make our community a better place. Or, if you want to clean our house, you can come along.

On our first day in Manhattan, I think I ate 8000 calories in just dinner, dessert, and 2nd dessert.

Union Square Cafe ~ 7:30pm

I don’t drink beer, but HockeyMan does. It’s just a good pic.

Potato-less Gnocchi - Who knew? Mine

Serious Scallops Mine

Polenta with Goodness Ours

Banana Goodness Mine

Bull & Bear at the Waldorf=Astoria ~ 11:00pm

Real Waldorf Salad at the Waldorf=Astoria Mine

Onion Soup HockeyMan

Almond Creme Brule at Bull & Bear Mine

Key Lime Sandwich HockeyMan

Uhhhhhh….. How much for apps and dessert????
Our receipt at Bull & Bear at Waldforf=Astoria.

I’m thinking of going into a new career - food photog as long as I get to eat the food after.

Wordless Wednesday

I love you!

In honor of V-Day (and Mishi told me I had to), here’s 13 ways I say, “I love you”:

1. You da bomb.

2. Lurve ya.

3. You kinda stink. Can you take a shower before we…?

4. That was a GOOD one (fart)!

5. Later.

6. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

7. Miss you.

8. You make pretty babies.

9. Thanks for bringing me home a McFlurry!

10. Yes, you can take my girlfriend out on a date.

11. Here’s the remote.

12. Thanks.

13. You are such a dork.

I love you.

knowing I can call or text and get a response any time, any day.

a kiss on my neck.

a pat on my butt.

watching Oprah with me, though you’ll deny it.

putting the clean sheets on the bed. Correctly.

touching my feet under the covers.

putting water next to my side of the bed.

letting me have the remote.

taking care of me, Sicky McSickalot.

not flinching when you fart.

farting and you don’t flinch. But I never fart.

loving my friends.

putting up with my family.

patience.

understanding.

letting me have my way.

being the best dad to my girls.

Thanks, Mishi, for making me think.

Cause I’m all about the crazy, I’m telling you, my tens of readers, my little quirks because Shamelessly Sassy told me I have to.

* I have webbed toes. The 2nd & 3rd toes on both feet are fused up to about mid-toe. I know. I’m a freak. But I can swim fast.

* I cannot sleep with my bed at ANY angle other than 90 degrees.

* I get dressed in the same order every day. If I don’t, I always forget my deodorant. Pwew.

* I cannot STAND chicken on pizza. I don’t like to eat it, see it, or think about it. Seriously? Chicken on pizza? *shivers*

* I love watching house hunting shows like House Hunters and Buy Me.

* I’m a grammar snob. If I make a mistake and catch it later, it KILLS me to know it’s been “out there” for all of the other grammar snobs to laugh at. The ironic thing about being a grammar snot snob is that I always have mistakes in my posts.

* My nickname growing up was Fro. Check out my Dorktastic pics for proof.

Fellow bloggers Busy Dad, Chicken Fried Therapy, Bliss in Bloom have set the challenge to take chances and write about it. I didn’t think I had anything to write about until I thought. And it hurt. To think.

Today, I finally decided to step up my game, and I made an appointment to get acupuncture. I’m really excited to finally get things all in line and chi flowing and ohmmmmmmmm….. Something’s gotta get fixed inside this body of mine cause it just ain’t working right.

For all that is holy, you MUST watch this video. I found it on Oh, The Joys who was linked from Sarcastic Mom. I’m home alone tonight (Whaaaaa???), and I just laughed aloud. (It wasn’t embarrassing until I just told you.) No pee came out - success!

13 Promises I broke made before I had kids:

1. I will never be “that mom” that goes everywhere in a t-shirt and sweats. They’re not sweats. They’re housepants.

2. I will continue to work to pay for my college loans. Those have to be paid back? Does Sallie Mae take scribbles on paper as payment?

3. I will continue to have a life of my own. By “life,” did I mean change human poo diapers and suffer through The Bee Movie?

4. I will discipline my kids to follow all of the rules I set. That’s a good one.

5. I will not allow my kids to have a TV in their bedroom. That one just fell through today. 3 1/2 years is good, right?

6. I will not allow my kids to whine or cry in public. Still intact. Believe me. OK, don’t.

7. I will feed my kids homemade, natural organic foods. Like Eggos, Ritz Bits, and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

8. I will not use bribery to get my kids to do what I ask. We’re using a trip on the Disney Cruise as incentive to potty train. Seriously. And they still won’t do it. I wonder if they’re mine.

9. I will not allow my kids to watch more than 30 minutes of TV a day. Sorry. Can’t be done in this house.

10. I will never dress my kids in matching outfits. Come on! My girls were meant to be dressed in coordinating outfits! Look at them!

11. I will start formally educating my kids early to instill a love of learning. They’ll catch up in Pre-K.

12. I will take my kids outside on a regular basis for physical activity. It’s too hot…..

13. I will not allow my kids to eat at McDonald’s for as long a humanly possible. I’ve actually kept to that one! I CAN keep a promise! I’m not saying they’ve never had fast food - just not Mickey D’s. It’s more my thing. I can’t eat McD or my sphincter will no longer be my friend. TMI, I know.

Thursday 13