So, I got tagged by my bloggy friend, Secret Agent Mama, to tell you all about the 5 things you don’t know about me (yet). Here ya go:

1. I have webbed toes. It’s not major, but the 2nd two toes on each foot are connected about 1/2 way up the toes. It’s a family trait and Bear has them a LITTLE bit. I’m a freak. But I can swim better because of them. Try me. I’ll whoop your ass in a swimming race.

2. I want to have like 20 tattoos. Not exactly 20, but a lot. I have one from when I was 18 (like everyone does), but I want to be brave enough to have more. I know for sure I’m going to get another on the top of my back of my girls’ initials. But I want to get more all over. But I never will. Maybe it’s just because I like tattoo shows…

3. Even though I don’t like hanging out at the beach, I LOVE the beach. I grew up 20 min from the Gulf of Mexico that has the whitest sugar sand beaches, so how can I not love the beach. When I’m rich, I’ll live at the beach.

4. I was married outside in my parent’s backyard in the middle of a hurricane. Hurricane Georges was fast approaching the Gulf coast when we walked down the aisle in between feeder bands. It made for a VERY interesting honeymoon when we had to sleep in my parent’s back porch with only a window separating us from my grandparents. Our hotel room was evacuated along with the entire island were were supposed to be staying on for our honeymoon. Did I mention we slept on a fold-out couch? Oh yeah, and my MOM came to wake us up the next morning for breakfast. Good stuff.

5. I believe in the power of positive thinking and positive energy. I don’t want to get all crazy on ya, but I bet you didn’t know that about me. It works for me so suck it. (That wasn’t very positive.)

5 1/2. I also believe in “The Power of Love” by Huey Lewis & the News. What is there not to like about Huey Lewis & the News? Try getting THAT song out of your head. When I was a kid, our family would sing HL&N songs aloud together while riding our bikes. It was our version of a sing-along. Now you know why I am the way I am.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I think I may live in bubble of suburban sameness with yuppie overtones. I lead a normal life, with normal kids, in a normal house (hey, we just got it painted crazy blue!), and I drive a very normal car (ever try to find a minivan in a mall parking lot?).

I do have a Little Freak Tiny Person that lives inside me, but Little Freak sleeps most of the time. So I guess I understand that most other people have Bigger Freaks that live inside their heads.

And this is why I kind of understand why the Bigger Freaks win out and have their people type c-r-a-z-y phrases for Googling the internets. I’m obsessed interested in my StatCounter stats and check up on them often. I’ve started keeping a list of the phrases that lead people to my blog. Freaky deaky people.

You can keep abreast (ha - boobies!) of the running list of phrases on my blog page, THIS is How You Found Me?

slutty moms TWICE!

cherry popper

fugly grody

restaurant boobs

I’m a mom and need a job

ruby tuesday crouton

moms boobs show

happy and overweight

PUMPERNICKEL CROUTONS

lazy mom house a mess

I’m overweight and I cry a lot why is that?

gangsta name design

whole lot of people with nothing to do, nothing to prove

accomplished of woman

a whole alot of ass I HATE that they misspelled “a lot.”

“kiefer sutherland”

flickr tagged huge breasts

hello my name is template

Sometimes I wish Little Freak would come out and play more often, but for now, I’ll stick with my life of “normalcy.” But you just wait - I hear Little Freak waking up to come out and play.

I got a little strikeout happy tonight.

*********************************

It’s been a while since I’ve felt that “gotta-have-you-now-feeling” from another man.

But I did last night.

He liked and wanted me as I am - an overweight, stay-at-home, married mom of two toddlers.

Kiefer Sutherland wanted me to GO HOME with him.

And in one sudden waking flash, it all ended with the noise of hacking-up-a-lung from my husband at 5am.

Gee, thanks, hon.

I could have had Kiefer Sutherland.

****************************

I like to consider myself an edumacated person when it comes to pop culture, higher education, and regular-everyday-stuff. So, when I drive through Taco Bell on my bi-weekly visit to pick up my usual, I know what I’m putting in my body. Yeah, yeah. I know it’s crap, but it’s damn good crap. And when you have two toddlers, a full-time at-home job, and a lack of motivation to cook, you tend to drive-thru more than you should. *Justification alert*

Today was any other day at the Taco Bell drive-thru. I roll in my T&C up to the voice box (which, BTW, is a bit quieter than usual I notice) and order my usual: T6 Combo with steak baja chalupas, soft chicken taco, and mountain dew. Mmmm… tasty. EVERY FRIGGIN time I order, I think to myself, “I really need to look up the Nutrition Facts on this,” at the same time thinking, “I really DON’T need to look up the Nutrition Facts on this. Am I CRAZY? I don’t want to give ups the goodness of the T6 Combo for my health!”

I pull up to the window in the normal speediness of my Taco Bell. (They really are quick here!) I get the usual question, “Any sauce?” and I give my normal answer, “One hot, please.”

I get a look from the window lady.

TB: “Were you here yesterday?”

Me: “Um. No, not yesterday. But I’m here about 2x a week, but not yesterday.”

TB: “Oh. I remember that you always ask for ‘One hot’.”

Me: “Yeah. I always get the same thing.”

TB: “This isn’t good for you! You shouldn’t eat this!”

Me: THINKING: Uuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmm… Exsqueese me? Did you just turn into my father and tell me I don’t need to eat the food you are serving me from TACO BELL? Do you think I don’t KNOW what crap you are serving me? Do you think I am STUPID and didn’t read “Fast Food Nation” and give up all drive-thru for a year?

I guess I am stupid, because she continues.

TB: “I don’t eat this stuff. It’s so BAD for you. I just had a baby 4 months ago and I have to lose weight (patting flat belly). I can’t eat this stuff.”

Me: nervous laughing “Yeah. I know it’s bad. But, hey, ha, I don’t eat McDonald’s! Ha, I haven’t, ha, had McD’s in like, ha, 5 years. My kids have never even had it! Ha!”

Why am I trying to justify my addictions choices to the Taco Bell lady SERVING me this fattening food?

I know what I eat. I know it’s crap.

Hey, you have a crappy job lady. So THERE! TTTHHHH!

I’m going to eat my crappy delicious food. Lard and all.

Go suck it, Taco Bell lady.

See ya tomorrow!

The ‘rents are in town for the weekend. I’m not going to give you a rundown of the weekend or they crying that commenced whilst (love that word) looking for clothes. Email if you wanna know more. I’m too much of weeny to post why it actually happened.

To bide time, I suggested we take a trip to the mall. So mom, sister, the girls and I hopped in the T&C and rolled off to the tourist shopping central of Orlando - The Florida Mall. Personally, I like the mall, and the masses of people and tourists (not real people) don’t really bother me. I won’t, however, be caught DEAD there between Thanksgiving and New Years, but any other time isn’t a problem for me. But for mom, the masses are a lot to handle, and with two toddlers in tow with no stroller (really, what’s the point?), it can be a little draining.

BTW - mom’s fallen asleep in the recliner as I type. How women over 50 have young children, I have no idea.

One of my main reasons for going to this mall is they have a Ruby Tuesday. And Ruby Tuesday has a salad bar. And their salad bar has pumpernickel croutons. Pumpernickel croutons. I go to the mall and fight off the tourists for pumpernickel croutons.

After taking side trips into the M&M super store (someone PLEASE tell my who out there likes M&Ms enough to need dishes, purses, pajamas, clocks, and giant pens of M&Ms), the tea store, and Ann Taylor Loft (for the sis), we finally made it to the pumpernickel croutons Ruby Tuesday. I had to make the promise of the Disney Store if NaNa was a very good girl while we ate. Had to have something to hold over her head.

The first thing I always ask at RT is if I can get the salad bar and share it with the girls. Their comment is always, “Sure! HAHA - they won’t eat that much, so no problem!” Little do they know, my girls can DOWN some fresh veggies, beans, and grapes. (I need my own salad bar at home.)

So I go up to the salad bar, get the girls their little piles of fresh foods, and get to the end of the salad bar. And that’s when I see there are NO PUMPERNICKEL CROUTONS. Seriously, I almost had a heart attack. I had to keep control. Hey (nervous laughing) maybe they’re just out of stock and the salad bard stock boy hasn’t re-loaded the carafe of pumpernickel croutons. 1000 reasons are floating through my head as to WHY the carafe would be empty. Surely, (nervous laughing) someone else might love the pumpernickel croutons as much as I. (nervous laughing) So, I calmly tell the hostess that the pumpernickel croutons are (haha) out. She responds with a very reassuring response that she’ll make sure the salad bar filler knows and will replenish the pumpernickel croutons. Whew… Crisis averted! There will be more pumpernickel croutons when I return to fill my plate with my salad bar salad and pumpernickel croutons.

But this was not the case.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, when I returned with my sister to load my plate with my salad bar salad, I made my way down the salad bar all the while in the back of my head thinking, “They better have replenished the pumpernickel croutons carafe with more pumpernickel croutons” but, alas, THERE WERE NO PUMPERNICKEL CROUTONS.

Double heart attack. I stopped in my tracks with my salad bar salad in hand looking in vain for more pumpernickel croutons. I had to stop a waiter in his tracks to ask where the pumpernickel croutons were and to please find them for me. While he walked slowly (he obviously didn’t understand the necessity of locating my pumpernickel croutons and that I had travelled miles out of my way for said croutons) into the kitchen to locate my pumpernickel croutons, I asked the hostess once again where the pumpernickel croutons where and could I get some. That’s when she laid it on me. THEY WERE OUT OF PUMPERNICKEL CROUTONS FOR THE NIGHT. Triple heart attack.

Seriously people. I come to the RT FOR the pumpernickel croutons. *Open statement to Ruby Tuesday: Without pumpernickel croutons, you are just another mall restaurant with regular food, regular decor, and regular service. But, because you have the pumpernickel croutons, I go out of my way, walk through the food court (an Olympic sport with two toddlers), and weave through 1000s of tourists buying scalp massagers and crappy luggage to get to your pumpernickel croutons.

So, with my heart broken and my head hung low, I load my salad with sesame seeds. Joy.

I head back to the table where my girls are joyfully inhaling edamame, grapes, garbanzo beans, and carrots, and start to eat my regular salad bar salad. Joy. My sis kept a keen eye on the salad bar JUST IN CASE there would be more pumpernickel croutons to make their way out of someone’s ass to the salad bar. (That doesn’t sound appealing, and I almost took that out, but things that just appear come out of someone’s ass, so it stays.) She spied the salad bar boy coming out, so she made a mad dash up to the salad bar to check on the status of the pumpernickel croutons. SURELY, the could not be totally out for the night. I mean, (nervous laughter) they are Ruby Tuesday, and why would anyone go (nervous laughter) if they didn’t have the pumpernickel croutons.

While the sis was off fighting the good fight, our slow-ass waiter makes it around to check on us, and I let him know with all the sadness I can exude, that I was told there were no more pumpernickel croutons.

That’s when it came. Mr. Slow-Ass Waiter let me know that yes, the cook was at that moment, preparing MY pumpernickel croutons.

What? What’s that you say? OH HAPPY DAY!!! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! HALLELUJAH!

I immediately did a little happy dance and started making out with Mr. Slow-Ass Waiter Man let him know that we needed an entire vat just for our table. Seriously, Mr. Slow-Ass Waiter Man. LOAD US UP.

Not only did we get one huge plateful of pumpernickel croutons, we received TWO huge mounds of pumpernickel croutons delivered to our table!

That just goes to prove, never give up on your dreams. Positive directional thinking will get you everything you want in life. Even pumpernickel croutons.

*************************

What? You didn’t know I sell of these incredible products? Well, I do, and MANY more!

And for you, as my loyal reader, I’m offering a 15% off coupon code for your order. You’re welcome. Use code 15blog920 for 15% off your order until the ‘rents leave on Monday, September 23rd. Again, you’re welcome.

Melissa & Doug Wooden Toys

Lindie & Friends Handmade Multi-Ethnic Dolls

Baby Light & Clip Lighted Fingernail Clippers

Nuby Cups and Nuby Replacements

Argh - I realized I spelled my title wrong, so I changed it. I’m soooo tired.

The last few post I’ve made have been a bit, well, d..o..w..n.. I keep getting messages and comments trying to cheer me up, and though I truly appreciate the assistance, I’m generally a happy person. So, in this multiple-post night, I want to cheer myself up and hopefully cheer you up as well. The main reason?

My.

Parents.

Arrive.

In.

2.

Days.

So, because I lurves me a list, here’s a little list of things in my Happy Place (in no particular order):

* TiVo - the greatest invention since the television. If you know me, you know I lurves me some TiVo.

* Someone else doing the dishes. HockeyMan is doing them AS I TYPE. Shhhhh… don’t disrupt his flow, or I’ll be left with a grumpy man and dirty dishes.

* Someone else doing the laundry. My mother arrives in 2 days, so that means 2 full days of laundry before she arrives. To know her, is to know she LURVES her some laundry. She will force you to remove your pants on the spot so she can have a full load. The ‘rents drive for 7 hours to get here (not 10, or 20 or 30 - 7), and trust me, she will have laundry to do the night she arrives. If I don’t do the 15 loads waiting for me before she arrives, I will get the, “ANGELA! How can you let this happen?” NO ONE calls me that but her, so you know she’s serious. Happy Place, Happy Place Happy Place… At lease she’ll do the laundry while she’s here! WOOHOO!

* Baked goods. Really doesn’t matter what, just as long as it could be sold at a bake sale, I LURVES it. (I’m using that stupid word a lot tonight. I’ll stop now.)

* Eating out. Food. I HATE COOKING.

* My MacBook Pro. Aaaaahhhh… HowIloveyouso, my MacBook Pro!

* The two pairs of blue eyes that stare back at me and say, “I Wuv Woo Mama.”

* And a professional massage. HockeyMan’s no good at it and he’ll admit it.

* Comments on my blog. Please! Comment! Add me to your reader! PLEASE!

* **Shameless Self-Promotion ALERT** Sales on my website, Good for the Kids! It’s a fabulous website with lots of unique items for your baby, your child, and even yourself. Go ahead. Shop! It will serve us both by bringing me to my Happy Place and yours for getting something in the mail. And who doesn’t like getting something in the mail?

What’s in your Happy Place?

******

To start, I have to give mad props (what, am I 14?) to Se7en at Blogs Gone Wild! I put his feet to the fire to get the new design done quickly (for a reason I hope to explain later this week) for a very reasonable price, and he TOTALLY came through! We’re still tweaking some little things, but it looks AWESOME!

PLEASE update your RSS reader by clicking here: http://feeds.feedburner.com/AWholeLotOfNothing

If you don’t, you’ll miss out on all the love I have to give.

The two girls in the header are mine, of course. One in the trees, the other too shy to say hi.

****************** ****************** ****************** ******************

Stolen from Special K Family.

A: Me, P: HockeyMan (He wanted to play along. Not that he knew it would be blogged, but he played along.)

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
A: YoYo Chrysler
P: Tina Lexus

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
A: Vanilla Snickerdoodle
P: Chocolate Chocolate

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
A: Alyn
P: P.Lyn

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
A: Navy Dog
P: Black Dog

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
A: Marie Alexandria
P: John Rockville

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
A: Ly-Nan
P: Lyn-Pa

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
A: The Red Mountain
P: Blue Beer

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
A: Jack Rabbit Carlton
P: John John

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
A: Happy Reece
P: Eternity Twix

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
A: Marie Lee
P: Clifford Ann

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
A: Castleman Columbus
P: Krasney Kalamazoo

12. SPY NAME/BOND GIRL: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
A: Autumn Daisy
P: Fall Cactus

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
A: Pear Brasserie
P: Lime PJ

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
A: Danish Palm
P: Coffee Pine

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)
A: The Internets Breezy Tour
P: The Hockey Hurricane Tour

My first entry into SOS - Soap Opera Sunday.

“I’m the luckiest girl in the world,” I thought when he asked me to be his girlfriend.

He asked one day in writing, and I instantly responded with an emphatic, “Yes!” I truly was the luckiest girl in the world. All the other girls congratulated me on my accomplishment in attaining the crest of relationships. Him.

J had wavy blond locks and deep crisp blue eyes. His muscular arms wrapped around me and comforted me when I felt shy with him. I had never dated someone as handsome, as well-liked, and so secure. I felt so lucky.

We would talk endlessly on the phone about family, education, and dreams for the future. We would write to each other
about our feelings and family. J had my heart.

And then it happened.

We were at a social gathering with all of our closest friends. Music blared while we talked, joked, held hands. He put his arm around me.

Then the music slowed down. We went out to dance.

Dancing with J was a new experience. His arms were tight around me. And it happened.

My first kiss.

7th grade middle school dance.

What? You didn’t expect me to write about something serious did you? Though it is 100% true.

I hear he’s gay now.

I LOVE a list. I love reading lists, I love keeping lists, I love ignoring lists. So, here’s my list for this week:

Top 5 Reasons Why My House is a Mess

1. I’m a Lazy Perfectionist. It says so in my info up to the left. See? That means, I want things to be perfect, but I can’t possibly get them perfect, so it doesn’t get done. It’s a self-diagnosed excuse condition. It’s also the first step into becoming a hoarder. I can TOTALLY get those people.

2. My foot hurts. I broke it on Christmas Eve last year, and it still hurts. I tell myself I have to elevate it as much as possible.

3. I have 2 toddlers. It’s going to get messy again in less than 30 minutes, so why clean it in the first place?

4. My mom lives 7 hours away, so it’s not like she’s going to drop in unexpectedly. Why is this an issue? Think of Martha Stewart without the crafting skills and farm, and you have my mother. Her house is always clean, even the baseboards. She cleans them with a broom, then vacuums the dust. I’ve seen it and had to do it as a kid. Traumatizing.

5. It doesn’t smell yet. Every once in a while I’ll get a whiff of something rotting in the sink or in the fridge, so then I’ll clean it out. Until then, it can wait. I have to see what’s happening on the internets and check my email.

What’s your excuse?