We all know I’m not a small lady.

Or if this is your first time here, Hi! I’m not a small lady.

I’m not abnormally ginormous, but to say I’m a curvy, plus size lady is exactly accurate.

I love me some t-shirts. Living in Orlando will put anyone (who doesn’t wear modest clothing for religious purposes) in a state of frenzy for wearing clothes that keep you cool. From April through October, it’s balls hot here, and I hate it.

I know. I live here. You can tell me to shut up.

Because of my refusal (yes, I’m back to that) to wear anything without sleeves, I look for shirts that have sleeves. Working from home affords me the luxury of wearing any old thing I have lying around and not having to dress up for the boss.

Again, you can tell me to shut up.

Patrick sent me a link to this t-shirt today: R2D2 Love

Of course, because I’m currently in the market for a new Star Wars t-shirt to wear to Star Wars Weekends, I had to have it.

I went to check out to buy the shirt, and seeing the pretty lady in the picture wearing a woman’s shirt, I thought for a split second that, “Hey! These people have women’s shirts, too! I’ll get myself an actual women’s t-shirt to be all cute and stuff!”

And that split second of hope was dashed when I saw this at the checkout screen:

I am not a Juniors. To the best of my knowledge, most of the women I know aren’t “juniors” by way of default that they are women.

I don’t think this has to do with me having more cushion for the pushin’, but rather has to do with clothiers thinking that all women can, or should, fit into shirts designed for teenagers.

There are lots of non-plus size women who can fit into the junior-sized shirts, and I’m sure most of them feel proud to fit into something their 15-year-old daughter or coming-out son would wear.

But to not have the option for anyone over a size 14 to wear something that’s not “mens” or “unisex” frustrates me.

I still bought the shirt. Hell, I love the shirt.

I’m going to wear that Mens(Unisex) -XL R2D2-loving a trashcan shirt like the proud, plus-size, Nerd Mama that I am, and smile hugely when I get stopped no less than 20 times with compliments by the other Star Wars nerds at Star Wars Weekends.

Though, they’re probably just going to be staring at my plus-size boobs, and I’m OK with that.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 14 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: juniors, r2d2 shirt, ript apparel, star wars shirt, t-shirt, womens

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I’ve already established that we women are gross. It’s just a fact.

We get even grosser when we’re knocked up and have to push human beings out of our crotch holes or have them sliced out of our wombs.

The old and infirm have known the secret we women learn when we have babies at a hospital, and if it weren’t for their necessity and our lack of thought processes at the time after baby delivery, we’d have never listened to their secret-telling anyway.

The disposable mesh panties the hospital gives out after having a baby is one of the best inventions The Man has ever bestowed upon our just-birthed asses.

There’s no way a woman or gay man invented or designed these monstrosities of fashion, but every once in awhile, The Man gets it right. And in this case, “getting it right” means stretching the cotton mesh over our expanded asses and recently deflated mom pouches.

You’d never think that a one-size-fits-all underwear would actually work for a woman of any size, but in the case of the disposable mesh panties, they really do fit. I’ve not met or talked to one mother who couldn’t fit the un-designer hospital panties over their butts and under their hospital gowns; they fit every lady.

Today, I’m going to blow your damn mind.

Amazon sells the disposable mesh panties.

Seriously.

[Amazon also sells Ben Wa balls, but that's a story for another day.]

I will say though that they are not the exact mesh panties I received at the hospital after pushing out my babies, but they’re close. And just like my government-employed dad says, “Close enough for government work.”

Since I’m currently in the market for new panties, I may need to order some for my not-so-recently deflated baby pouch. Because if anyone can pull off sexy in disposable mesh panties, it would be me, right?

And now I just realized I mentioned my dad in the same post I mention pushing babies out of my crotch and Ben Wa balls. Damn, I’m classy.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: disposable mesh panties, hospital panties, mesh underwear

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You’d never know it from looking at me through the lappytop screen, but I have horrendous style.

Like, bad.

Like, my sister shakes her head at me when I show up at her house and wonders less-than-silently how we’re even related.

So like everyone else on the internet, I thought I’d give it a go at Polyvore to see just how bad my style measures up.

With some last minute help from alimartell, I don’t think I did 1/2 bad. (I’m required by no one other than myself to tell you that alimartell is not a fan of the Sperry’s, but I love them, so they stayed. She did love the striped shirt and picked out the wedges to include.)

Spring by awholelotofnothing

MICHAEL Michael Kors Plus – Plus Size Y/D Stripe 3/4 Length Sleeve Top

Levi’s Plus – Plus Size 542 Trouser Flare Jean

Sperry Top-Sider – Bluefish 2-Eye (Linen/Coral Seersucker Plaid)

Tignanello – Perfect 10 Studded Shopper

Lucky Brand – Textured Medium Oblong Hoops (Silver)

Obey – Danforth Necklace (Silver Oxide)

MICHAEL Michael Kors Plus – Plus Size V-Neck Poncho

Franco Sarto – Kashmir (Natural Canvas)

Now, if I could only get it together long enough to actually dress up when I leave the house, I’d totally get all of this cuteness.

All of these items I found on Zappos, with whom I am an affiliate.

Mama’s gotta make paper somehows, yo.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: clothing, nautical, plus size, polyvore

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It’s been a long time coming, this one about my panties.

I’ve been putting off finding a new favorite style of underwear for far too long. You can see it in the holes and the way the sides of my current undies roll down my hips.

*Faces covered to protect the innocent.

Those very comfy, very stretched out, very beige, very cotton “hipster” Granny panties on the left are approximately 6 years old. They are made by Barely There and are a size XL, which in the obscure world of lingerie, equates to an 8.

Those very new, very not stretched out, very beige, very someotherfabricthatisnotcotton “hipster” Granny panties on the right are approximately 2 days old. They are also made by Barely There and are a size XL, or the obscure lingerie size of 8.

Obviously, I needed the new pair of underwears I bought shown on the right. However, they are not the same style as the ones on the left. They may both be very boring beige and are both “hipsters” and they are made with similar fabrics, BUT THEY ARE NOT THE SAME.

This does not please me.

I, and I’m sure many other women around the world, would like to purchase the same panties to which I have grown accustomed as replacements.

Holy underwear is not cool. OK, except in the case of a draft, and then they’re breezy. But I want to replace my holy underwears with new, SAME panties as the ones like on the left above that I’ve grown to love.

I want the panties that don’t roll down my hips, don’t bunch up my ass crack, don’t show out of the top of my jeans when I bend over, and don’t cut off the circulation to my legs.

With this, I’m filing a formal complaint to the manufacturers of women’s underwear.

Attention All Ladies Undergarments Makers:

Because of the curvaceous nature of my body, shopping for new panties is an unpleasant task. I’m not sure you’re aware of this fact, as you seem to think I like changing how my underwears fit on my nethers.

Women don’t like change in relation to how our undies fit on our bottoms.

Once I’ve entered into this period in my life known as a certain age, I am comfortable in a style and a fabric and a fit and price. Unless my derrière drastically changes shape and size, I stick to what I know.

When you, the panties manufacturers of the world, decide to change up your styles and fabrics and fits of your ladies panties, I, a women of a certain age, am unhappy.

Please, Hanes, Bali, Victoria’s Secret, Barely There, Soma, Fruit of the Loom, etc, when you make a panty and it sells more than 10 pairs, I need you to make them FOR LIFE.

I don’t want to have to go Commando just because I can’t find the new Perfect Panty. It’s not pleasant. Trust me.

But, I’m sure you know that because you’re in the business of clothing the unpleasantries. 

Peace & love,
Angie

P.S. Let me know when you can make this happen. I have a drawer full of holy, breezy, stretched-out underwear that needs replacing. You’ll know I’m wearing the old, breezy, rolling-down panties when you watch me walk 10 steps, and I reach into my jeans to pull them back up around my hips.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: granny panties, panties, picture, underwear

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A few months back, I exposed myself on the internet. I’m pretty sure I blocked the actual post date and link from my memory because telling the world your weight is tough stuff, dudes.

Let’s just pretend that the experience motivated me to exercise and eat right and I’ve lost 20 pounds since then.

Yet again, I’m exposing myself for all the world to see. There’s no way in God’s Green Earth, Michael Jackson’s Neverland, Middle Earth, Tatooine, or Hades I would have exposed myself as I have been had it not been for Curvy Girl Guide. Born from the minds of a group of women, bonding to make the world a better place on the curves of our badunkadunks, CGG has encouraged me to accept my lovely lady lumps for being just that: lovely.

This time, I’m exposing myself in my swimsuit that’s not even a plus size.

WITHOUT A COVER-UP.

WITHOUT A T-SHIRT.

WITHOUT A TOWEL.

Holy Crap n’ Jeesus.

Thanks to Lands’ End, that’s me, baring myself for the good of a cause: Swimsuit Confidence.

And I don’t look 1/2 bad.

That’s just a tease of me baring it all. Click on the pic to go see the rest of me and the other hot n’ sexy Curvy Girls.

Disclaimer: I received this Lands’ End swimsuit in exchange for my part in the Swimsuit Confidence Campaign in partnership with Curvy Girl Guide.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 24 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: curvy girl, lands' end, swimsuit

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Oh dear sweet, sweet Baby Jeebus and Oprah.

The Easter Dress Holiday is nearly upon us!

You may be confused as to why I’d be super over-the-moon esscited that it’s Easter Dress Holiday seeing as I’m not a Christian, PER SE. But because my extended family is all up in Jesus’ bidness and celebrates things that Jesus does like spreading the chocolatey cheer of plastic eggs, jelly beans and deviled eggs, I’m all for Easter.

Or rather, I’m all for Easter Dresses.

When the sweet, sweet Baby Jeebus and Oprah bestowed upon me 2 gorgeous little girls, it was like they were saying, “Pangie, I giveth to you these girls to dandify in the most beautiful of all frills and matchy-matchy dresses once a year in celebration of the Easter Bunny.”

And I sayeth unto thee, “Thank you, oh blessed ones, sweet, sweet Baby Jeebus and Oprah, you’re my only hope. I will do unto thee as thee would do unto me, and I will bedrape my beauteous girls in the most frilly and matchy-matchy of all dresses I can find under $15 at Target.”

But this year’s Easter Bunny celebration will be more EPIC than all other East Bunny celebrations combined.

I HAVE A NEW BABY GIRL.

More specifically, my sister will have a baby girl just in time for the Easter Dress Holiday.

And friends, if you’re keeping count, that gives me my two girls, my 2-year-old nephew and my BRAND SPANKING NEW BABY NIECE to dress for the Easter Bunny celebration.

I’m gonna have to take a nervous-poop break just to finish writing this post.

I am that esscited.

Because this weekend while walking through my Mecca of Affordable Children’s Clothing, I spotted The Dress.

THE dress that my brand new, will-be-5-1/2-week-old niece NEEDS to be wearing.

I. DIE.

Luckily for me and everyone who will ever see the multitude of photographs that will be taken on Easter Dress Holiday, there are also same-but-different dresses for my girls.

Now I need to convince my sister that my nephew needs a matching pink boy suit with penny loafers.

… and their grandmother’s credit card on which to purchase all of these clothes.

It’s what the sweet, sweet Baby Jeebus and Oprah would want.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 16 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: children, easter dresses

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I’ve admitted before, I have lovely lady lumps and I don’t mean my boobies. I mean the cheesy lumps on my arse and my thighs. Being that I am a plumpalicious girl, I am standing up and protecting my fellow larger ladies and the rest of the world.

How? By calling a moratorium on shorts that are wider than they are long.

Unless you are in the top .01% of the ladies in the U.S., YOUR SHORTS SHOULD BE LONGER THAN THEY ARE WIDE. If this ratio is on the negative side, DON’T SQUEEZE YOUR FAT ASS INTO THE SHORTS.

Just because some clothing store makes the clothes and you can pull up the screaming zipper, DO NOT buy the shorts.

Oh, Sweet Baby Jeebus and Oprah. Here is my evidence from Old Navy*:

Allowing Old Navy (and others) to sell shorts at a 4 1/2″ inseam in a size 6 or up should be criminal. Allowing us larger ladies think it is OK to leave the house, much less purchase, any shorts less than a 5″ inseam (and still you gotsta have some NICE legs to pull those off) is a travesty.

And who are they joking with this picture of the shorts with a space between the legs? No woman who is a size 14 or up has any space between her thighs. You nasty nasty marketing picture-taking people are trying to make us think that those shorts (with pleats BTW) will allow our crotches to breathe.

Sorry, ladies, but wearing these shorts will only allow your ass to have a snack on some denim.

So, please. For the love of Sweet Baby Jeebus and Oprah. Stand UP and show your lovely legs! Just wear your shorts a little longer.

________________________________________________________________

*Originally published March 30, 2008 but still ever-so-awesome.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2010. | Permalink | 35 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: fat, girl, legs, shorts, style, thighs, women

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See? I don’t lie:

I can only hope that I’ll look this hot in these sexy panties (5 for $29 panties from Lane Bryant).

She totally has that “come hither and take this lace trim cami off of me” look.

Really, what’s sexier than a good sale. Not much, I’ll tell ya. Not. Much.

Except this guy:

Disclosure: I was provided a Lane Bryant gift card in exchange for the information I shared in this post. Still tho, it’s all my own opinion. I don’t lie. Nor am I shady. I’m also awesome. Obviously.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Lane Bryant, Sponsored, underwear

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To my surprise, I went to LB today just hoping to get a few new mom shirts (comfy, yet kind of stylish for the everyday trip to Publix, Target, & dinner), but I found, to my JOY, I’m now a size 4!

Well, in the new Right Fit sizing at Lane Bryant. I just like saying, “I’m a size 4.”

They had a whole section on their new sizing for curvy (ahem) women that is supposed to fit every curvy (ahem) body type. According to Stacey and Clinton, and now Tim & Veronica, you should try on lots of different jeans to find just the right pair. I usually just try on 1 or 2, get pissed at myself, and leave the store broken-hearted.

But today. Today was victory! I found jeans that fit! And leaving with a size 4 pair of jeans was the candied cherry on top. I ended up buying the Right Fit Straight Size 4 Petite (who knew?) dark wash jeans. Plus, they were only $39.95! For me, that’s expensive for 1 article of clothing. But, if they make my ass look good, and I can wear them for 6 months (I’m in Florida), they’re gonna be mine. I cannot WAIT to wear them!

Size 4… I just don’t want to know the equivalent sizing in regular jeans. I’ll just tell everyone I wear a size 4 and have them look at me funny.

BTW – This is NOT an ad. I wish it was so I could get paid, so if you’re listening Ms. Lane Bryant, I’m available. I’m just so happy I found these jeans.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2007. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
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