Surfing the ‘net in our panties: it’s how we do. Though this picture was taken 4 years ago, it could have been taken yesterday, save for the pacifiers and nakedness. Now it’s just me and Patrick who surf the ‘net in our panties.

Pleasantville School [name changed to protect my kids from you weirdo stalkers] will be a BYOT school beginning August 2012
(Bring your own Tech)
Students in 3rd, 4th and 5th are requested to bring an ipad (tablet devise [Kindle Fire, etc.]) or netbook to school daily. Laptops and other devices which have internet access and good battery are also acceptable (iphone, ipod) .

Each classroom will have several devices which students who do not have personal tech will be able to share and use while in the classroom. However, they will not be able to load personal work or applications on the school machines.

Pleasantville School has always been cutting edge and we plan to continue to move our students forward.

The above was included in an email I just received from my girls’ public elementary school’s principal.

I wouldn’t want to be behind the principal’s desk today. I can only imagine the emails and phone calls with which she’s being bombarded.

Honestly, I’m kind of super excited that this is happening at my girls’ school. I’m not happy that I’ll be the one paying for the new tech my 8-year-old will be toting back and forth to school, but if I didn’t pay for it, the school would have to take money away from other things to pay for it.

They’ve already taken substitute teachers, cursive writing, recess for older kids, non-microwaved food, teacher’s aides, proper art & music curriculum, and copy paper out of the budget.

I’d rather buy my kid her own technology and have control over it than have more money taken out of her classroom. GOD KNOWS, they apparently need more money (or maybe just smarter people) for figuring out how to create and assess a standardized test.

To fill you in, Florida is where the State School Board makes arbitrarily tougher requirements for passing standardized tests, only to get the results back and find they set the passing score too high and have to pass an emergency rule lowering the passing score.

Without it, only about a third of students would have passed the writing portion of the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test, or FCAT, compared to 80 percent or better last year.

(Education Commissioner Gerard) Robinson acknowledged some things “slipped through” the Department of Education but promised they would be corrected. The department failed to sufficiently stress changes in this year’s test to school districts and teachers, he said. ~Miami Herald

I don’t want those yahoos responsible for getting my kid the best of what she needs. Whenever I can have control, I accept it without protest.

We are super massively extra fortunate to live in our neighborhood where the elementary school is the #2 ranked public elementary school in the state. Of course, this is Florida, so that’s not saying too much, but out of all the other schools in this assbackwards state, we’re in the tops.

To be one of the best, it unfortunately means making sacrifices. In this case, it’s a monetary sacrifice, and I’m not complaining. In other cases, it’s time sacrifices or discipline sacrifices. But to be the best, the expectations are high, and having been a teacher, I know what it takes and which fights to start.

Buying my 8-year-old $200 worth (I’m looking at you, Kindle Fire) of technology that will help her be a better learner, be a better student, and be a better member of society is not a fight in which I’m participating.

It will be a sacrifice for us to shell out several hundred dollars for her education, but at least we know 3 months ahead of when it’s required. We can be responsible parents by having Anna help out with the purchase so she understands the value of what she’s getting.

We will NOT be those parents who protest the evolution of learning just because it’s uncomfortable and different from how we did things growing up.

We are fortunate to have the opportunity to make this sacrifice.

We’re not above asking for help in supporting our kids, so if you’re buying anything from Amazon.com any time soon, how about using this fancy affiliate link to Amazon so they will pay me for your purchase? My make-believe budget thanks you.

UPDATED with this video that better explains BYOT (Bring Your Own Technology):

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 16 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: elementary school, ipad in school, kids, tablet

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I don’t know why or how I didn’t notice this before now.

It was only when I had to commit the egregious Crime of Misspelling when entering the “skip the ad” word into the video player box when all I wanted to do was watch Russell Brand go off on some heckler at his stand-up show.

Pee.Ess. As much as I hate ads in videos, I appreciate the ways to skip them, so kudos, PerezHilton.com.

Pee.Pee.Ess. I didn’t even watch the whole video because I was so enraged at Downy.

Pee.Pee.Pee.Ess. OK, so “enraged” is exaggerating my emotions a bit, but I’m not happy.

Amy Sedaris is one of my all-time favorite funny people. She’s in a crapton of TV shows as a guest star where she really just needs her own daily show replacing Chelsea Lately. Or maybe she can take over for that dinosaur, Jay Leno. Either way, she needs her own show, and I would watch it.

Not that this really has anything to do with Amy Sedaris and her funny ladybrain, but she agreed to be a part of this gut-wrenching ad campaign for Downy:

I have the same washer/dryer set that my parents gave us as a wedding gift way back in 1998, so needless to say, I need those wash boosters, and I’ve used these Downy Unstopables. However much this isn’t an ad or endorsement of the product, it does what it should and keeps out the old washing machine smell from my freshly laundered clothes.

But how could I have not noticed that the name of the damn product is spelled incorrectly? I have brought shame on my family.

And seriously, how can Downy, the big bad soap company that they are, have allowed for a product to have been named with a word that is spelled incorrectly?

Right at this very second, I have those tell-tell red-dashed lines under that word up there: unstopable. Even my lappytop realizes it’s not a word.

Ironically, “lappytop” is not a word and has the same red-dashed lines, but I’m not a multi-national company with investors and customers to attract.

I don’t know how these things happen or why they happen or what to do about them.

All I can do is rant on my piddly blog about the injustices done to the English language on the behalf of all grammarphiles (again, not a real word) out in the world.

And as always, feel free to point out the mistakes I have surely made in this post and all others as I am neither perfect, nor am I a multi-national soap company who feels I am above the laws of grammar.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 10 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: grammar, spelling, unstopables, unstoppable

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My rage is not controlled enough to properly express my hurt.

I physically hurt for the people who are so close-minded, so mean, so inappropriate.

But I hurt more for the people at whom the hate is directed.

Again with The Gays.

We still don’t eat at Chick-Fil-A because of their choice to support the anti-gay organization, Focus On The Family, among others. As much as I love a delicious CFA chicken sandwich with waffle fries and CFA sauce (drooling), I just can’t give my money to an organization that outright supports hate. My girls know why we no longer go there and miss it, so they have plans to have their grandmothers take them. Them are some sneaky children I’m raising.

This week, my good friend and superstar, Brittany Gibbons, was asked to have blog post she wrote about her decision to not allow her son to be in the Boy Scouts run in The Huffington Post. While it’s a huge deal to be recognized for her accomplishments as a writer, I’m more proud of her that she’s speaking for so many of us who refuse to allow for bigoted belief systems to affect our children.

But when Jude asked to join Boy Scouts, my heart hurt… because I knew we might have to tell him no. In fact, in my head, I was already screaming no, no way, absolutely not, not happening. But, I have this almost-6-year-old beautiful boy in front of me, who’s bursting at the seams to see his friends at meetings and get a free mini catapult for joining.

The reminder that Boy Scouts of America is a bigoted organization who blatantly discriminates members and leaders based solely on their sexual orientation punched me in the gut again today.

Ohio resident Jennifer Tyrrell,… was forced to resign last week as den leader of her son’s Tiger Scout chapter due to her sexual orientation.

Parents of fellow den cubs are supporting Ms. Tyrrell and her past charitable successes as their den mother. They have been very vocal in their community and with BSA, urging them to reconsider the release of their den mother. GLAAD has stepped up to increase awareness in support of Ms. Tyrrell and is asking for signatures on a petition to request that the Boy Scouts of America to reconsider their exclusivity of LBGTQ people.

image via GLAAD

This was done without remorse and without apology from BSA. In fact, they confirmed their antiquated, unfounded, unscientific beliefs with this statement to WTOV9:

“We do not grant membership to individuals who are opened or avowed homosexuals,” said Bob Drury. Drury is the scout executive for the Ohio River Valley.
Drury said there was no decision to be made, the policy is very clear.
“The mission of the Boy Scouts of America is to develop character and leadership skills and the youth of today to become leaders of tomorrow. And anything that distracts from that mission, distracts from what our program is.”

After all this time, after all the strides made, after all the positive things that have happened for gay people, groups like BSA have the gall to come out in favor of blatant discrimination.

When I first read the statements released, my first thought was to wonder why they would come clean with their policies.

They shouldn’t be so bold as to assert their belief system of bigotry! They should have hidden behind some other reasoning for forcing this mother out of Boy Scouts leadership. 

But then I quickly changed my thinking into being grateful to the BSA for being honest. In their honesty, I know what they as an organization believe and what they truly stand behind: bigotry, hate, miseducation.

I thank GOD, Baby Jeesus, and Oprah every day that I don’t have boys. Never mind the stinky boy smells, perpetual MMA fighting, pee-splashed toilets, and awkward teen years; I’m glad I don’t have boys because I don’t have to break their hearts when I tell them they can’t belong to a group that perpetuates hate.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 17 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: boy scouts, gay, gay is ok, huffington post

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There’s a problem in this world that needs to be addressed.

The problem begins with “plastic cont” and ends with “ainer.”

I’m all for saving the world, one plastic tree at a time, but there’s only so far this lazy housewife is willing to go. I don’t use quite as many Ziploc bags as I used to; in fact, I hardly use any plastic baggies at all. Instead I try to use reusable containers as much as humanly possible.

But DAMMIT, these plastic container manufacturers are making it harder for me to stay semi-sane.

Do you see all of those plastic container lids I have on the bottom shelf of the cabinet? There’s approximately twenty-eleven lids in there, all of which came with matching storage bases. Do you see all of those containers on the top slider shelf? There’s not twenty-eleven of them up there. I’d guess I have 1/2 the amount of containers than plastic lids to match.

I know what you’re thinking. No, I’m not one of those weirdos featured on My Strange Addiction who eats plastic containers.

Way back in 1998, I had a Tupperware wedding shower. Yes, really.

I had 3-4 other wedding showers, too, but the one with my extended family was a Tupperware party because at the time, my aunt was a consultant and my mom was very practical. For all intents and purposes, though it sounds weird, it was the best idea for a wedding shower ever. I was stocked up on a cabinet full of lifetime guaranteed plasticware, ready to start wedded bliss as a near-child bride.

I do still have most of that circa-1998 Tupperware, along with some odd pieces my mom handed down to me. Sometime along the way since I got married, the whole Earth blew up and every lunch meat processor started selling their cold cuts in reusable plastic containers.

Those lunch meat containers along with the grocery store-available containers have infiltrated my Tupperware cabinet.

And fuck-all, none of the plastic lids match any of the plastic bases. Even the lids made by the same manufacturer as the bases don’t match up with their own kind.

This square Ziploc lid doesn’t match its own square Ziploc container. ITS OWN KIND. They don’t even like their OWN KIND.

Ziploc should match Ziploc; Rubbermaid should match Rubbermaid; Glad should match Glad; Hillshire Farms should match Hillshire Farms; no-name-given should match no-name-given.

But these stupid plastic containers are stupid and don’t match up. I’d totally take the blame if it was a dishwasher-melting situation, but it’s just not so. They’re completely different and don’t match, even though the tops and bottoms are made by the same company.

I swear it’s a conspiracy, man.

Or maybe it’s a conspiracy BY The Man to keep us women in a tailspin of frustration in the kitchen.

It’s time to start a plastic container revolution. Or develop a taste for hard plastic.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: plastic containers don't match, tupperware

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I’m on a mission that will inevitably leave my crying and hating myself.

Living in the Dirty South means surface-of-the-sun-type temperatures from May through September. Now with Al Gore all up in Mother Nature’s business this year, we’re already seeing highs in the 90s in early April.

I hate it.

You’d think that after living in Orlando for the last 15+ years and in Northwest Florida for the 17 years before that, I’d learn to love the heat. I haven’t and I still hate it.

If I looked good in a bikini, I’d live in one for 7 months a year. Since it’s frowned upon to expose young children to blinding reflections, I keep my white jiggly belly under wraps.

To hide my plus-size junk in my trunk, I wear long shorts in lieu of a bikini. You’re welcome, America.

But shopping for those shorts is gut-wrenching, heart-palpitation-inducing, and downright sucky. This may be why I’ve been wearing the same 4 pairs of shorts for the last 2 years.

There’s something to be said for the manufacturer of the shorts that have held up against my sweaty fat ass for the last 2 years, and that “something” is “job well done, Lane Bryant.”

I think it’s high time I got some new shorts. But it’s that shopping mission that will leave me in tears, regretting every Oreo and taco I’ve put in my mouth for the last 15 years.

In my initial reconnaissance of the webstores for the lady of leisure of a certain size, I’ve found exactly ZERO pairs of shorts that

A) are long enough to cover my saddle bags.
B) are short enough to expose my knees.
C) do not give me saggy butt after wearing for an hour.
D) have pockets for my phone.
E) do not resemble spandex bike shorts.

Seriously, friends. The lack of short pants for the size-14-and-up lady is at critical mass.

These stonewash, lightweight (see: this fabric won’t last 3 washings), fake drawstring (for extra bulk in front!) shorts are currently available from Old Navy in up to a size 30.

[Related: I've found where rednecks buy their wedding shorts.]

Sateen does not do anyone with cellulite any favors, Lane Bryant. We all know you’ve photoshopped the model’s cottage cheesy saddlebags out of the picture here. Or maybe she’s wearing Spanx under the capri pants? Because you will not catch me in a pair of constricting unbreathable nylon underthings in 95º heat. I learned my lesson years ago in a yeast infection-related trauma.

Bright blue pull-on, elastic-waist capri pants, Avenue? Is this your version of birth control?

It was just a few years ago that I wrote about stores selling shorts that are wider than they are long. Because this? Is not OK.

I’m in desperate need of your help. I realize this is a nearly impossible question to ask seeing as 90% of the country is still not having summer weather and others of you don’t believe in wearing shorts.

Have you found some shorts you love that you bought in the last month or so? I’m desperate and you’re my only hope.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 18 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: plus size shorts

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Santorum Guides Boy Against Using Pink Bowling Ball, Encourages Blue Balls

Rick Santorum: Blue Balls > Pink Balls

Santorum Guides Boy Against Using Pink Bowling Ball, Encourages Blue Balls

Storified by Angie · Thu, Mar 29 2012 23:00:37

PeeEss: I’m trying out this fancy Storify deal to see how well it would work with this kind of commentary post. What do you think?

Is it stupid?
Is it harder or easier to read?
Are you confused as all getout?
Do you love more more for using Storify on this post?
Am I pretty today?

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: bowling, gender, pink blue, politics, rick santorum, storify

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I have learned more about women by spending time on Pinterest than I learned by being a women for the last 35-1/2 years.

Basically, this is another way for me to justify the time I spend on Pinterest as “work-related.”

1. Paint chip cards are a free craft material.
2. Lauren Conrad is a 20-something’s style icon.
3. Tiny animals are cutest in Mason jars.
4. Planning to organize is a chore unto itself on which to be commented that it will never get done.
5. Motivational quotes are a decorative focal point.
6. Some women think they can get a bodybuilder’s body with a “Simple 30-Minutes-A-Day!” workout.
7. Fingernails are an art canvas.
8. Entryways, mudrooms, and laundry rooms are the most-loved area of a house to decorate.
9. We all need to invest in Polyvore.
10. Women love long wavy hair tied up in socks.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: women love pinterest

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It was today while I was cleaning up that-time-of-the-month’s bathroom trash on which my wiener dog decided to make a meal that I remembered one of my most favorite lines from South Park.

I just don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die. – Mr Garrison, South Park

We women are gross, but my dog is grosser.

WAY grosser.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 9 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: being a woman, bleed for five days, doesn't die, south park

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When Patrick and I started dating before I was made a child bride, one of the many things he found odd about me was that I had never read Dr. Seuss books.

Because my mom didn’t understand Dr. Seuss and thought his books to be “weird,” we never had them in our house. It’s only now that I have kids and look at what they read with a keen eye that I realize what she meant.

Dr. Seuss is weird.

Nearly every children’s book he wrote is laced with societal and governmental references mixed in with odd characters, odd rhyming, and odd brainwashing.

Yes, I said it. Brainwashing.

Delicious, liberal-minded brainwashing.

The Lorax warns against over-crowding and urban sprawl.

Horton Hears a Who! is a message about the WWII Hiroshima bombing and post-war occupation of Japan.

Yertle the Turtle is about Hitler and anti-authoritarianism.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas was written as a comment on society’s commercialism of Christmas.

Learning all about these nuances of the Dr. Seuss books and a bit about Geisel himself, I’m now in awe of how he uses children’s books to create a message worth learning.

Seeing that I grew up with liberal parents, I’m not sure why my mom didn’t stock our bedroom bookshelves with the indoctrination of Dr. Seuss like I have with my girls.

Because any author who can sum up the inner workings of my brain’s world in one quote and fight the establishment in another is someone to be admired.

In my world everyone’s a pony and they all eat rainbows - and poop butterflies! -Dr. Seuss, Horton Hears a Who!

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: books, dr seuss, government, liberal, messages

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I’m going to start by saying I’m not a prude when it comes to other people’s bodies. For my own body, I cover up and shut up. No one wants to see what’s going on under my unstylish clothes.

As a mother to two young girls, I may now be more conscious about how much skin they see on adult bodies than I used to be. But I think I’ve always been a bit less than liberal with what I think should be shown in public.

I think boobs are boobs, butts are butts, and privates are, well, meant to be private.

My own belief that women have choices with how we treat and present our own bodies is kind of a contradiction to how I feel about the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue featuring 19-year-old Kate Upton.

I don’t think it’s an appropriate cover to be on display in every bookstore, magazine rack, and as a massive billboard in Times Square.

Shocking to read from me, I know.

Girlfriend has a hot body, there’s no doubt. Great boobs, great stomach, great everything.

But I struggle with being OK seeing a bikini bottom so small that it looks to be one millimeter away from seeing Ms. Upton’s Front Butt.

While I don’t feel comfortable with this cover being everywhere for everyone to see, I’m very much OK with David Beckham’s H&M manties ad.

Though the combined fabric coverage of Mr. Beckham’s manties is only slightly more than Ms. Upton’s swimsuit, he is completely covered in the area of his “privates.”  There’s no peek of a Happy Trail, no definition of his bulge, no question that if he bent over, we’d be treated to a show of what’s currently covered.

I’m also very much OK with an ad campaign that shows women in their underwear.

I believe in the celebration of our bodies, no matter their size, shape, and purpose.

I don’t want to have to explain to my girls that it’s not OK to wear such an itsy bitsy, teeny weenie bikini in public, no matter their size, shape, and purpose.

If there’s a chance that your Front Butt may be exposed with a sneaked-out fart, the bikini bottom is too small.

My opinions may be contradictory, but I see a difference in the images and the messages they send.

Or maybe I wrote this whole essay as an excuse to look at David Beckham in his underwear. Maybe.

image credits Sports Illustrated, H&M, Dove

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 34 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: advertisement, bikini, campaign, david beckham, dove, front butt, H&M, kate upton, parenting, real beauty, sports illustrated, swimsuit issue

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