UPDATE: An Eliza Parker Gift Certificate giveaway is live!

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I took my own advice before I knew it was my advice: I asked for something in return for something else.

This time, I asked for a clothing sponsorship for BlogHer ’10 from plus-size social occasion dress company, Eliza Parker, in exchange for my honest opinion on how I liked the dress.

If you’re new around here, (and really, if you are, where have you been? I’ve missed you!) you know that I’m honest to a fault. Almost to a tee. It’s pretty much a detriment to my social being, but whatevs. I’m honest, is my point.

To be honest (see: above), I was hoping, but not sure, I’d like the dress I had picked out with the help of one of the more-than-super-friendly associates over the phone. (Yes, an internet store who will help you over the phone. Like, help you style yourself and everything. It’s almost a lost art in this digital age, but I digress.)

When picking out a $189 dress, even if it’s given to you in exchange for your opinion, especially for someone like me with larger lady lumps, it’s nerve-wracking. There are SO many things to think about: belly chub, arm flaps, boob strapping, thunder thighs. And again, considering this was a $189 dress, I was hoping for the best.

Holy crap on a Baby Jeebus cracker.

I actually looked H.O.T. in my dress. No shit. For realsies. I’d even do me.

(Note: the photo used in this post to represent me in the Venice dress is clearly distorted and does not accurately portray the hotness I was protruding out of my every stretched pore. Just take me at my work. Again, see: above.)

This dress is so fancy, without being over-the-top (cause this mama don’t do over-the-top), it comes with a sash. This girl doesn’t do sashes. Until this dress. I put on that sash and sashayed my happy fine ass all around New York City with my snazzy sash.

This dress is so nice, I didn’t even wear Spanx, and I still felt unlumpy.

This dress is so nice, I could wear it to a funeral, then to a wedding, then to a funeral.

This dress is so nice, I ordered it in the size I think I am, and I could actually wear straight out of the box it came in.

This dress is so nice, I actually felt good about myself.

And that, my friends, is priceless.

(Actually, it costs about $189, and if you have the bone$ to spend on yourself, consider an Eliza Parker dress if you’re a size 10+. You can send me your thank you note after you get over your sexiness.)

Minor disclaimer:

I’m just going to come right out and say it: I love receiving “sponsored” products.

There’s rarely a person, online or off, who would say they don’t like getting things sent to them in return for writing about the products. It’s kind of one of the perks to being famous on the internet a moderately successful blogger.

Yes, there are many people who disagree with me who want to be paid actual cash money for writing a review or mentioning they received “sponsored” products, but for me, if I like something, I’m going to tell you about it whether it’s sponsored or not. <<<< long sentence alert

I used to feel obligated to tell the people of the internets all about a sponsored product I received and make sure I told the world about it in a succinct and proper professional manner. But times have changed. I’m the one in control of my blog and my online persona. I get to tell you want I want you to hear. I’m not controlled by the companies and PR firms sending me the free stuffs.

Yes, I’m a rebel.

OK, not really, but I do a good job of playing a rebel in my head. I’m also insanely rich, have a pet spider monkey, and can dance like Michael Jackson in my head, but that’s a different story.

Not everyone agrees with me, and that’s OK for me. I’m not sure if it’s OK for them, but c’est la vie. <<<< totally googled that

Above disclaimer aside, I’m in LUUURRVE with the Sorrelli jewelry I received this year to wear at BlogHer ’10. LOVE. Wanna marry. Would live in a cabin by a mountain lake for eternity with this jewelry.

Before I started blogging, I found out about Sorrelli because every gay man, woman, and rich child in my hometown was wearing it with everything from t-shirts to evening gowns. It’s stunning jewelry. When I started this whole conference-going thing and realized I could ask companies to send “sponsored” products to me in exchange for my opinion and spreading the word about the products, I twittered @sorrelli and asked if they’d want to participate in “Decorate Angie for BlogHer ’09.” Because I’m Awesome, they loved the idea, and they sent me and a few other lucky ladies some jewelry.

Jump ahead to this year’s BlogHer ’10, I asked again, and since they still love me, Sorrelli said, “Heck yeah, we wanna send you some fantastical jewelries!” or something like that.

This year, I received THE. MOST. GORGEOUS. necklace and earrings combo.

SOOOO, since that picture isn’t the best representation of the gorgousness this necklace embodies (is that even proper verbage?), here’s Sorrelli’s stock photo of the earrings/necklace combo (click on pics to see more about the jewelry on Sorrelli’s site):

Flat-out beautiful, right? If I want to be noticed (see: hair is fixed, clothes without an elastic waistband), I wear one of my Sorrelli pieces. It’s impossible NOT to receive a compliment when I wear one of my necklaces. It’s also a good way to pretend I’m important, and it distracts people from my fat belly rolls.

You know you want your kids to grow up to be nerds. Don’t tell me differently. Nerds have all the cash. It’s much easier to be a nerd and make monies than it is to be a sports superstar and rake in the cash. Plus, when your kid makes it as a sports superstar, then eventually is outed as a serial cheater, TMZ will hunt you down as you leave El Pollo Loco with bags of chicken and beans. And really, you’re not looking your best when TMZ finds you with bags of chicken and beans. Just ask Grandma Woods.

I digress.

You want your kids to be nerds. Geeks. Techies.

Start them off young with the VTech V.Smile. Let them spend their every-waking hour glued to a hand-held gaming device. It worked for my husband. He’s a major dork nerd. He makes the monies.

VTech sent me a V.Smile Cyber Pocket for my 3-year-old to play with. I won’t lie. My kids have pretty much all of the hand-held gaming devices available in the modern world. We are raising nerds. On purpose.

My 3-year-old loves the V.Smile. It’s her very own nearly-indestructible nerd creator. We already had the VTech V.Motion thanks to last year’s Christmas, so we had a few games on hand. Luckily, the games made for the V.Motion will work with the Cyber Pocket, just without the motion aspects. No loss there because the Cyber Pocket goes anywhere.

The Cyber Pocket is available on Amazon right now for only $29.99, and you can totally still get it in time for Christmas. I was able to get games at Toys R Us a few weeks ago for $9.99, and I recently saw them on sale at Target for the same price.

So really, it’s much cheaper than sending your kid to Harvard preschool. Just work out their nerd brain with the Cyber Pocket.

You want little nerd kids, don’t you? DON’T YOU? Don’t you dare lie to me. I’ll have my 5-year-old evaluate your lying facial ticks like that British guy on Lie to Me. She’s totally smarter than he is.

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Disclosure: I was sent a VTech V.Smile Cyber Pocket in exchange for telling you about the product. I like it. My kids like it. I wouldn’t have told you about it had we not liked it. Cause that’s how I roll.