Went shopping today.

With a 3 yo and a 2 yo.

Shopping for myself. In a lovely lady lumps big girl’s store.

Pretty successful considering.

Considering I had a 3 yo and a 2 yo with me.

Considering my shoulders are 5 yards wide.

Considering my fundage level is low.

And I look pretty damn cute in my new summer clothes.

I know. I know. I’ve been slacking. No. I’ve been damn dog sick-n-tired-n-busy all at the same time. Thanks for all of your well-wishes. I love me some penicillin! I did find out during my sickness AFTER my overnight stay 2 hour wait at the clinic that there is a Minute Clinic ACROSS THE DAMN STREET FROM THE CLINIC at CVS. I am NEVER going back to the clinic unless I’m bleeding. But that’s a whole other story…

So during my “week off” of being sick and dying, I did manage to go to Target on a mission for the perfect Band Aid, or more general term, bandage. But we all know the Band Aid brand is the best. Anyhoo… I was on a mission to find the teeniest, tiniest “bandage” that isn’t a circle. Circles don’t stay on as well. I seem to remember teeny tiny bandages that were almost like a steri strip, but a rectangular bandage. I figured if anyone would have them, my beloved, Target, would have them.

A trip to the Bullseye always means a negotiation with “The Boss” and “Trouble” (those short people who follow me around begging for food have been renamed to better reflect their personalities). The Boss says Target is her favorite store (along with Best Buy - ask HockeyMan - and the bookstore), and she has a certain order in which she visits her beloved: books, movies, toys. In. That. Order. She must also enter through the blue doors. She is very particular. On this visit, however, we parked on the side with the green doors. *Negotiation time.*

I manage to settle The Boss’s nerves about going in the green door, and talk to her about where she’d like to sit in the cart. She decides she’d like to sit in the front. No back. No front. No back. (Remember - I have strep and don’t know it yet.) All the while, I’m holding Trouble who hasn’t learned to care yet where she sits. She is watching and learning, people. Quickly. Very quickly. *Negotiation time.*

I get them settled - The Boss in the back, Trouble in the front - and we breeze by the free cookies. This is difficult to do in Publix, but I can still tell them Target doesn’t always have free cookies. Whew. We make it straight to the bandage section.

*I should make a note here: The Boss and Trouble are both addicted - ADDICTED - to wearing Band Aids. Dora “bannaids.” Backyardigans bannaids. Care Bear bannaids. Scooby Doo bannaids. Barbie bannaids. We have them all. Well, apparently not all, because The Boss still finds some to add to her list of which ones she wants “next time.” Yes, the kid has a list of which “bannaids” she wants next. A list of 3-4 characters in order she wants next. Since The Boss is addicted to Band Aids, that means monkey-see-monkey-do, Trouble, is addicted as well. Dear Oprah, help me now.*

So, I have the monkeys in the cart when we turn the corner to the bandage section. It’s like a beacon from Heaven to them. Seriously. !BANNAIDS!BANNAIDS!BANNAIDS! Yes, we have reached the Band Aids. Everyone around us knows, too.

All I want is the teeny tiny steri-strip-type Band Aids that are NOT circles. I look high. I look low. I look in the toddler-eye-level-character section of Band Aids. I look in special bandages. I look in packages. Heck. If it a box comes with 8 teeny tiny Band Aids like I want with 409 other sizes, I’ll buy the box.

But no.

No teeny tiny Band Aids. None. But what do they have? Circle Band Aids in 15 different shades of “flesh tone.”

Oh, and Cars, Mickey Mouse, Nemo, Backyardigans, Scooby Do, Dora, Diego, Care Bears, Barbie, Superhero, and Handy Manny Band Aids.

If they made Wonder Pets Band Aids, The Boss would crap her diaper on the spot. Seriously. (Yes, my 3 1/2 year old is STILL in FRIGGIN diapers. That’s a whole other post.)

In case you’re wondering, we left Target with 1 box of Backyardigans Band Aids (The Boss), 1 box of Care Bears Band Aids (Trouble), and 1 box of Variety Size Band Aids - including 12 friggin circle Band Aids - (Me) in a shade of fleshtone even lighter than my clear/pale skin.

If you know of where I can buy/trade/sell my body for some teeny tiny Band Aids/bandages, let me know.

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Don’t forget about Mamas Like!

It’s the perfect time to stock up on Melissa & Doug Christmas gifts!!!! I’m running lots of great specials just in time for Xmas shipping! *Shameless self-promotion*

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Already?

It’s what? November 11th??? Are you kidding?

It needs to be against the law to put up any Christmas decorations before Black Friday. (If you don’t know when Black Friday is, you don’t deserve to be called “woman.” Google it. Or if you’re too lazy, click HERE, and I’ll Google it for you. How do I love thee? I Google for you!)

I saw a friggin Christmas tree all aglow tonight. IT’S NOVEMBER 11TH. It’s still friggin 80 degrees in the sun during the day. Argh.

I get that some retail businesses (mine included!) have to start the holiday shopping promos to drum up biz for early shopping season. Unless you’re my mother-in-law, and you were done in September. Seriously, friggin September.

But for all of you normal freaky house decorators of all things Christmas - WAIT UNTIL AFTER THANKSGIVING!

For the love of Pete and all things sane.

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I have a stalker. It’s friggin awesome. Check her out. I’m welcoming more stalkers. No need to sign up. Just be nice.

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Mamas Like is having a Holiday Gift Guide EXTRAVAGANZA next week. (Retail doesn’t count for the after Turkey Day rule, remember.)

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I used “friggin” 6 times in this blog (including this sentence). I’m a crazed, friggin woman (now 7 times).

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Looking for Mamas Like? We’re still fine-tuning our new blog, so please check us out here: http://mamaslike.com

Dawn at Mom2My6Pack has started a new product review blog! Who doesn’t love a new blog? And, coming from Dawn, you know it’s good because I’m featured.

Bonus - she chose MY online store as her first feature. ME! Your favorite blogger.

Check it out - you could win a fabulous partying gift just for commenting! And, I have a special coupon code for Dawn Fan bloggers.

Because I Said So Review

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It’s time for shameless self promotion!

I’ve given myself a platform, so what better place to peddle my wares than my own blog. Plus, it’s good search engine optimization. A win-win for me!

Today, I’m hawking promoting the personalized stamps that I’ve recently added to my online store, Good for the Kids. Personalized address and name stamps are the PERFECT holiday gift. They are inexpensive, unique gifts that show you thought about the person you are giving them to for your holiday or special occasion. I’ve included some of the designs that are featured on the website, but there are literally hundreds to choose from for your personalized gift for someone else or yourself.

Great for holiday gifts, birthday, wedding, anniversary, bridesmaids, sorority initiation, or just because, these personalized stamps are sure to be appreciated of as a token of your thoughtfulness.

I know, I know, it’s only October, but to absolutely guarantee holiday delivery, start thinking about ordering now!

Just for my bloggers, use code 15BLOGGER for 15% off your order this week (expires Oct. 13th). Thanks, guys!

Holiday Stamps and Gift Tag Stamps

Personalized Monogram and Name Stamps

Whimsical Stamps for Children, Scrapbooking, or Everyday Use

Collegiate Logos & Mascot Stamps and College Sorority Stamps

Thanks SO much for your support!

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The ‘rents are in town for the weekend. I’m not going to give you a rundown of the weekend or they crying that commenced whilst (love that word) looking for clothes. Email if you wanna know more. I’m too much of weeny to post why it actually happened.

To bide time, I suggested we take a trip to the mall. So mom, sister, the girls and I hopped in the T&C and rolled off to the tourist shopping central of Orlando - The Florida Mall. Personally, I like the mall, and the masses of people and tourists (not real people) don’t really bother me. I won’t, however, be caught DEAD there between Thanksgiving and New Years, but any other time isn’t a problem for me. But for mom, the masses are a lot to handle, and with two toddlers in tow with no stroller (really, what’s the point?), it can be a little draining.

BTW - mom’s fallen asleep in the recliner as I type. How women over 50 have young children, I have no idea.

One of my main reasons for going to this mall is they have a Ruby Tuesday. And Ruby Tuesday has a salad bar. And their salad bar has pumpernickel croutons. Pumpernickel croutons. I go to the mall and fight off the tourists for pumpernickel croutons.

After taking side trips into the M&M super store (someone PLEASE tell my who out there likes M&Ms enough to need dishes, purses, pajamas, clocks, and giant pens of M&Ms), the tea store, and Ann Taylor Loft (for the sis), we finally made it to the pumpernickel croutons Ruby Tuesday. I had to make the promise of the Disney Store if NaNa was a very good girl while we ate. Had to have something to hold over her head.

The first thing I always ask at RT is if I can get the salad bar and share it with the girls. Their comment is always, “Sure! HAHA - they won’t eat that much, so no problem!” Little do they know, my girls can DOWN some fresh veggies, beans, and grapes. (I need my own salad bar at home.)

So I go up to the salad bar, get the girls their little piles of fresh foods, and get to the end of the salad bar. And that’s when I see there are NO PUMPERNICKEL CROUTONS. Seriously, I almost had a heart attack. I had to keep control. Hey (nervous laughing) maybe they’re just out of stock and the salad bard stock boy hasn’t re-loaded the carafe of pumpernickel croutons. 1000 reasons are floating through my head as to WHY the carafe would be empty. Surely, (nervous laughing) someone else might love the pumpernickel croutons as much as I. (nervous laughing) So, I calmly tell the hostess that the pumpernickel croutons are (haha) out. She responds with a very reassuring response that she’ll make sure the salad bar filler knows and will replenish the pumpernickel croutons. Whew… Crisis averted! There will be more pumpernickel croutons when I return to fill my plate with my salad bar salad and pumpernickel croutons.

But this was not the case.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, when I returned with my sister to load my plate with my salad bar salad, I made my way down the salad bar all the while in the back of my head thinking, “They better have replenished the pumpernickel croutons carafe with more pumpernickel croutons” but, alas, THERE WERE NO PUMPERNICKEL CROUTONS.

Double heart attack. I stopped in my tracks with my salad bar salad in hand looking in vain for more pumpernickel croutons. I had to stop a waiter in his tracks to ask where the pumpernickel croutons were and to please find them for me. While he walked slowly (he obviously didn’t understand the necessity of locating my pumpernickel croutons and that I had travelled miles out of my way for said croutons) into the kitchen to locate my pumpernickel croutons, I asked the hostess once again where the pumpernickel croutons where and could I get some. That’s when she laid it on me. THEY WERE OUT OF PUMPERNICKEL CROUTONS FOR THE NIGHT. Triple heart attack.

Seriously people. I come to the RT FOR the pumpernickel croutons. *Open statement to Ruby Tuesday: Without pumpernickel croutons, you are just another mall restaurant with regular food, regular decor, and regular service. But, because you have the pumpernickel croutons, I go out of my way, walk through the food court (an Olympic sport with two toddlers), and weave through 1000s of tourists buying scalp massagers and crappy luggage to get to your pumpernickel croutons.

So, with my heart broken and my head hung low, I load my salad with sesame seeds. Joy.

I head back to the table where my girls are joyfully inhaling edamame, grapes, garbanzo beans, and carrots, and start to eat my regular salad bar salad. Joy. My sis kept a keen eye on the salad bar JUST IN CASE there would be more pumpernickel croutons to make their way out of someone’s ass to the salad bar. (That doesn’t sound appealing, and I almost took that out, but things that just appear come out of someone’s ass, so it stays.) She spied the salad bar boy coming out, so she made a mad dash up to the salad bar to check on the status of the pumpernickel croutons. SURELY, the could not be totally out for the night. I mean, (nervous laughter) they are Ruby Tuesday, and why would anyone go (nervous laughter) if they didn’t have the pumpernickel croutons.

While the sis was off fighting the good fight, our slow-ass waiter makes it around to check on us, and I let him know with all the sadness I can exude, that I was told there were no more pumpernickel croutons.

That’s when it came. Mr. Slow-Ass Waiter let me know that yes, the cook was at that moment, preparing MY pumpernickel croutons.

What? What’s that you say? OH HAPPY DAY!!! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! HALLELUJAH!

I immediately did a little happy dance and started making out with Mr. Slow-Ass Waiter Man let him know that we needed an entire vat just for our table. Seriously, Mr. Slow-Ass Waiter Man. LOAD US UP.

Not only did we get one huge plateful of pumpernickel croutons, we received TWO huge mounds of pumpernickel croutons delivered to our table!

That just goes to prove, never give up on your dreams. Positive directional thinking will get you everything you want in life. Even pumpernickel croutons.

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What? You didn’t know I sell of these incredible products? Well, I do, and MANY more!

And for you, as my loyal reader, I’m offering a 15% off coupon code for your order. You’re welcome. Use code 15blog920 for 15% off your order until the ‘rents leave on Monday, September 23rd. Again, you’re welcome.

Melissa & Doug Wooden Toys

Lindie & Friends Handmade Multi-Ethnic Dolls

Baby Light & Clip Lighted Fingernail Clippers

Nuby Cups and Nuby Replacements

Argh - I realized I spelled my title wrong, so I changed it. I’m soooo tired.

Not-so-wordless because it requires explanation.

The true sign of a mother. I am A. Lynch. Please don’t give me Potty Elmo for MY birthday.

The last few weeks have been a real education for me in getting to know my fellow peeps, Mommy Bloggers. I’ve been in the Internets world hot and heavy for the last year with my business site, Good for the Kids, an online retail store (*Self-Promotion Alert!*). But I’ve really stepped in it jumped into Blog World with both feet, arms, and head the last few weeks.

I’ve been blog surfing the Mommy Blogs for hours a day while my children were pouring milk on the dog and coloring walls reading quietly educating myself on what makes a good blog, what makes me pee and others laugh, and possibly making a bit of moolah from my blog. I’ve added tons of blogs to my reader that I check 20-30 2-3 times a day and have added most to my ‘roll. (If you don’t see yourself there, lemme know & I’ll add ya!) I am really upset that some other moms do to like being called a “Mommy Blogger.” Do they feel they are different in any way? Just a question.

So in my quest for the perfect blog (other than my own - expect a new design soon!), I’ve found some real gems. Here are some of my faves:

1. Blog Name: Nap Warden - Because I need her at my house to ward over my non-nappers.

2. She-Makes-Me-Cool-’Cause-We’ve-Been-Emailing-for-3-Weeks: BECAUSE I SAID SO - Everyone knows Dawn blog and her story. Don’t be jealous b/c she’s been my email buddy for 3 weeks. I pay her to be my friend. Well, at least pay to advertise on her blog.

3. I Can’t Wait to Comment (tie): BECAUSE I SAID SO - duh (see above), The Whole Family - I like her outlook and I might have a blog crush on her, and Busy Mom - I have a blog crush on her, too, and she gets me lotsalinks.

4. Pics - dooce - Purty pics of her family, stuff, and especially her dog.

5. Tagline - Mom-101 - “I dont’ know what I’m doing either.” Says it all.

6. Award Cherry Popper - VDog and Little Man - My new Cre8Buzz friend gave me an award just because I cried and whined for it. Thanks!

7. Product Reviews - Cool Mom Pics, Chic Mommy Finds (thanks for reviewing my stuff!), googababy, and Mighty Goods. I’m always up for shopping and having my own stuff reviewed, so if you wanna review my products, lemme know! (*Self-Promotion Alert!*)

So, to all you fellow women bloggers who think you’re too good to be called a “Mommy Blogger,” if you’re a Mom and you blog, you’re a Mommy Blogger, sucka.

I am PROUD to be called a Mama Blogger! (I’m called Mama, not Mommy, so I figured I couldn’t change my name for you people.)

Maybe I should make a t-shirt, “I’m a Mommy Blogger, Sucka!” Cause I have time for that while the milk in the sippy cups in the sink curdles.