Is there any cooler way to show myself off in a swimsuit than by diving underwater on a reef in Cozumel?

No. No there is not anything cooler.

To give you a better look of my cute self in my Lands’ End swimsuit, I modeled for my not-so-photog sister while we were on our cruise last weekend.

If we were giving out prizes, I’d totally win for Best Locale among all of the other beautiful ladies of Curvy Girl Guide who are joining me for the Lands’ End Swimsuit Confidence Week. Sure those other girls look amazing in their flower-covered backyards, posing as their hot selves in their swimsuits, but come one. I’M ON A BOAT!

And lookit how cute my pink (YES, they’re Crocs!) flippy floppys match my pink swimsuit. It’s totally like I planned it that way. Let’s pretend I did.

It’s your turn. Go strip down to your swimsuit, have a photo taken, and post your picture on the internet for all of the world to see forever and ever, Amen.

I dare you, friends. Do you accept?

Links to the Lands’ End-provided swimsuit I’m wearing: Lands’ End Women’s Regular Beach Living Dot Twist Tankini Top; Lands’ End Women’s Regular Beach Living Mid Length SwimMini

top image credit Manta Raya Divers

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: cozumel, diving, lands' end, reef, snorkeling, Sponsored, swimsuit, swimsuit confidence week

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In my new position as Your Favorite Online Librarian of Smut, I’m reading the suggestions you gave me in the last two posts: Sexy Books To Read To Be Smart. Or Not. & More Romance Smut Book Recommendations.

The overwhelming response to my call out for what I should read was to start the Black Dagger Brotherhood. I’ve actually had the first book, Dark Lover, in paperback since right after I read the Twilight Saga. But since my children are brats of reading age and inconsiderately notice things I do, I decided against reading it in front of them. Now that I’m addicted to my Kindle, I ordered the first book from the library, and waited patiently for it to be available.

And Pee Ess, if your library doesn’t have digital book loans, move. It’s basically free books on your e-reader. For free. I’ve had my Kindle for about 6 months, and so far, I’ve saved what it cost to buy it in borrowing digital books, all in the name of government-funded literacy campaigns. Though I’m not sure having access to free smut books on e-readers is what Mr. Melvil Dewey had in mind when they set up the library system, but I call that a WIN for us!

I’m 1/2-way through the first Black Dagger Brotherhood book, Dark Lover, that I started last night, and holy hell, it’s delicious. Thank Baby Jeebus and Oprah it’s pretty much an R-rated book and not XXX-rated like the last series I read. The Comfort Series was just…heavy to get through.

I haven’t yet read anything about sparkling in sunlight or anyone named Sookie, and since those are the only two kinds of vampires I know anything about, the vampires in BDB seem pretty legit. You know, as far as mythical creatures in a secret society who go unnoticed for hundreds of generations go.

I’m going on a cruise next week, and I’ll need to be stocked up for proper reading on the pool deck with a tropical drink. I need to hear from those of you who’ve read the Black Dagger Brotherhood series.

Is it worth me buying more in the BDB series (at a whole $7.99 a pop!) or should I wait for their availability from the library (I’m no good at patience!)?

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: black dagger brotherhood, romance novels, smut books, vampire books

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I’ve been outed as a smut book slut, and you guys are actually taking my advice on the books I suggest.

I’m basically your favorite online librarian for smut. I accept this as my calling.

Since I published my list of Sexy Books To Read a whole 6 days ago, I’ve read 5 more smutty books.

I know. I do obsession well.

Here’s a reminder of my very unscientific way to rate books (0 = none/I didn’t like; 5 = a lot/I like):

Sex Language: How much into detail do the descriptions of The Sex go?
Page Turn-ability: Can you put this down or do you need to stay up until 3am reading?
Asshole Factor: They all turn around at some point, but how much of an asshole is the dude before he turns? (The lower the score, the more likable he is.)
Lip-Biting: Overall, how much do I like the girl and want her happy? (The lower the score, the more of a whiney bitch I think she is.)
Series Hopeful: If this is the first book in a series, how badly do I want to read the follow-up books? If it’s a singular book with no promise of a series, it gets an automatic 0 because I love a series.

Slammed (Slammed Series #1) Overall: 4/5
Sex Language: 2/5 | Page Turn-ability: 5/5 | Asshole Factor: 2/5 | Lip-Biting: 2/5 | Series Hopeful: 5/5

I really liked this book as a romance story because of its uniqueness. The story itself is interesting and slightly unpredictable. Though this really doesn’t qualify as “smut” because it’s more “romance,” there are some scenes that throb with sexual tension.

Point of Retreat (Slammed Series #2) Overall: 4.5/5
Sex Language: 2/5 | Page Turn-ability: 5/5 | Asshole Factor: 2/5 | Lip-Biting: 2/5 | Series Hopeful: 0/5

This is the follow-up to Slammed, so if you buy one, you have to buy the other. And if you don’t like crying while you read, don’t read these books because I totally cried my eyes out for 1/3 of this one.

Initially, I wasn’t going to read these books because all of the descriptions talk of poetry and going to slam sessions, and me being the un-poetry girl I am, I didn’t want to read through lovey dovey crap. But there wasn’t a huge amount of poetry weaved through the books. The poetry was really just used as a way to make a point and enhance the story.

Rock Me Overall: 4.5/5
Sex Language: 5/5 | Page Turn-ability: 4/5 | Asshole Factor: 1/5 | Lip-Biting: 4/5 | Series Hopeful: 5/5

I read this book before I found out it was the 2nd in a series (the first is Unleashed, which I’ll be reading soon), but it’s not really that necessary to read them in order. The only thing I would have changed about this book is that the dude has a goatee, and I’m not a fan of facial hair I can’t see. I’d like to see the goatee before I put it on the character because how am I to know if it’s a 1/2-grown Ethan Hawke-type of beard or is it a hot n’sexy Colin Farrell-type of face stubble? If it’s not clear to me, I want it gone.

Caressa’s Knees (Comfort Series #2) Overall: 4/5
Sex Language: 5/5 | Page Turn-ability: 4/5 | Asshole Factor: 2/5 | Lip-Biting: 3/5 | Series Hopeful: 5/5

Though this is the 2nd in a trilogy, it’s not really necessary to read them in order. Granted, I just started the third book, but unless you care about keeping the inevitable ending a mystery, the first and second don’t need to be read in order. There is a LOT of sex talk. A LOT. This series is not for the faint of heart.

And thanks to Maria (Bored Mommy) for suggesting this series. She’s basically been my enabler for the last week.

Comfort Object (Comfort Series #1) Overall: 3/5
Sex Language: 8/5 | Page Turn-ability: 3/5 | Asshole Factor: 1/5 | Lip-Biting: 4/5 | Series Hopeful: 5/5

Holy. Crap. I seriously had a hard time getting through this book because of all the depravity. It was just… a lot.

But because I’m a glutton for punishment, I started reading the 3rd in the series, Odalisque, which doesn’t seem to be as much as the first book.

In the last post, I took your recommendations and picked out a few to read. Now I need more of your suggestions for must-read books to add to my Kindle. They don’t necessarily need to be of the romance genre or porny; I’m kind of getting tired of the virgin-taken-by-the-virile-sex-god thing (see: Fifty Shades of Grey).

I need you to give me genuine must-read book recommendations, pretty please with sugar on top.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 15 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: books to read, caressa's knees, comfort object, point of retreat, rock me, romance books, slammed, smut books

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I’m on a mission that will inevitably leave my crying and hating myself.

Living in the Dirty South means surface-of-the-sun-type temperatures from May through September. Now with Al Gore all up in Mother Nature’s business this year, we’re already seeing highs in the 90s in early April.

I hate it.

You’d think that after living in Orlando for the last 15+ years and in Northwest Florida for the 17 years before that, I’d learn to love the heat. I haven’t and I still hate it.

If I looked good in a bikini, I’d live in one for 7 months a year. Since it’s frowned upon to expose young children to blinding reflections, I keep my white jiggly belly under wraps.

To hide my plus-size junk in my trunk, I wear long shorts in lieu of a bikini. You’re welcome, America.

But shopping for those shorts is gut-wrenching, heart-palpitation-inducing, and downright sucky. This may be why I’ve been wearing the same 4 pairs of shorts for the last 2 years.

There’s something to be said for the manufacturer of the shorts that have held up against my sweaty fat ass for the last 2 years, and that “something” is “job well done, Lane Bryant.”

I think it’s high time I got some new shorts. But it’s that shopping mission that will leave me in tears, regretting every Oreo and taco I’ve put in my mouth for the last 15 years.

In my initial reconnaissance of the webstores for the lady of leisure of a certain size, I’ve found exactly ZERO pairs of shorts that

A) are long enough to cover my saddle bags.
B) are short enough to expose my knees.
C) do not give me saggy butt after wearing for an hour.
D) have pockets for my phone.
E) do not resemble spandex bike shorts.

Seriously, friends. The lack of short pants for the size-14-and-up lady is at critical mass.

These stonewash, lightweight (see: this fabric won’t last 3 washings), fake drawstring (for extra bulk in front!) shorts are currently available from Old Navy in up to a size 30.

[Related: I've found where rednecks buy their wedding shorts.]

Sateen does not do anyone with cellulite any favors, Lane Bryant. We all know you’ve photoshopped the model’s cottage cheesy saddlebags out of the picture here. Or maybe she’s wearing Spanx under the capri pants? Because you will not catch me in a pair of constricting unbreathable nylon underthings in 95º heat. I learned my lesson years ago in a yeast infection-related trauma.

Bright blue pull-on, elastic-waist capri pants, Avenue? Is this your version of birth control?

It was just a few years ago that I wrote about stores selling shorts that are wider than they are long. Because this? Is not OK.

I’m in desperate need of your help. I realize this is a nearly impossible question to ask seeing as 90% of the country is still not having summer weather and others of you don’t believe in wearing shorts.

Have you found some shorts you love that you bought in the last month or so? I’m desperate and you’re my only hope.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 18 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: plus size shorts

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My 7-year-old daughter has a serious addiction to Nutella.

Or more specifically, Nutella and peanut butter sandwiches. Every single day, without fail, she requires that she have at least one N&PB sammich.

She’s so addicted to the Nutella and peanut butter sandwich that she’s already told me to plan on taking one to her birthday party at Chuck E Cheese’s instead of eating pizza. Her birthday is in July.

We have a membership to BJs (our warehouse food store like Costco) partly to buy the mega jars of Nutella.

And did you know the large jars of peanut butter are over $8 EACH?

Kids are expensive, yo.

I’ve written about our family’s love for Nutella in the past, but until today, I didn’t know how big that Nutella love could go.

photo credit Cay.Digests NY

Seriously, people. There are such things as 11 pound jars of Nutella. You can totally buy them on Amazon.

Because what can’t you buy on Amazon? Obviously you can buy happiness because the 11 pound jar of Nutella is happy in a jar for my Anna.

Also new to us, the Nutella and GO! Snack. This is a little different from the Nutella Snack and Drink, but I have to say, I’d rather eat my Nutella than drink it.

Please, do not tell my daughter there is such a thing as Nutella and GO! Snack or the 11 pound jars of Nutella.

There’s only so much Nutella one house can handle.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: nutella, nutella 11 pound jar, nutella addiction, nutella go and snack, nutella snack drink

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There are times in this blogging life where sometimes, we have to use our powers for good (money).

It’s kind of like when you actually pay for a magazine at the bookstore instead of reading the entire thing while you sip your coffee then put the magazine back on the rack for some other shlub to pay for it.

Basically, what I’m saying is sometimes, we bloggers have to do things to make money to make this whole blogging thing worth everyone’s time. Sometimes, that means we publish sponsored posts and include affiliate links in our posts. There’s only so many pennies I can earn from the CPM on those sidebar ads before I start writing controversial linkbait-y posts just for the negative attention-clicks. And NO ONE wants to see that happen.

I’ll always be authentic and truthful on this here blog of mine. Mostly because I have a hard time even keeping the truth straight. That said, these super awesome nerd shirts from Mental Floss are ones I totally want. Consider it a bonus that they’re linked using affiliate links.

Though this shirt may not work for me (because as we already know, my Patronus is Rachel Maddow holding a chimichanga), my Anna totally needs this shirt from Mental Floss. The kid is a reading wizard and is 1/4 of the way through Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.

I don’t know what I did to have a kid who at 7 years old reads Harry Potter books proficiently, but if I could bottle her genius, I’d make gajillions and wouldn’t have to use affiliate links or ads on my blog.

But I guess we can say Anna gets her nerdiness from us, her parents, because we gave her a name that we spell backwards.

For two days, take an extra 20% off* everything in the Mental Floss sale for the President’s Day sale, starting on 2/20/12 at 12:01am EST through 2/21/12 at 11:59pm EST. Just enter Mental Floss coupon code 20BYGEORGE at checkout.

*The sale excludes clearance, magazine subscriptions and package deals.

SO really what I’m saying is don’t hate on us bloggers for doing what we can to make a couple of extra pennies so we’re not that magazine at the bookstore who gets used and abused then put back. Click a link or banner a few times. It doesn’t hurt too much, and it makes us love you more.

Your blogger thanks you.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: affiliate links, coupon code, mental floss, palindrome, patronus is a bookworm

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You’d never know it from looking at me through the lappytop screen, but I have horrendous style.

Like, bad.

Like, my sister shakes her head at me when I show up at her house and wonders less-than-silently how we’re even related.

So like everyone else on the internet, I thought I’d give it a go at Polyvore to see just how bad my style measures up.

With some last minute help from alimartell, I don’t think I did 1/2 bad. (I’m required by no one other than myself to tell you that alimartell is not a fan of the Sperry’s, but I love them, so they stayed. She did love the striped shirt and picked out the wedges to include.)

Spring by awholelotofnothing

MICHAEL Michael Kors Plus – Plus Size Y/D Stripe 3/4 Length Sleeve Top

Levi’s Plus – Plus Size 542 Trouser Flare Jean

Sperry Top-Sider – Bluefish 2-Eye (Linen/Coral Seersucker Plaid)

Tignanello – Perfect 10 Studded Shopper

Lucky Brand – Textured Medium Oblong Hoops (Silver)

Obey – Danforth Necklace (Silver Oxide)

MICHAEL Michael Kors Plus – Plus Size V-Neck Poncho

Franco Sarto – Kashmir (Natural Canvas)

Now, if I could only get it together long enough to actually dress up when I leave the house, I’d totally get all of this cuteness.

All of these items I found on Zappos, with whom I am an affiliate.

Mama’s gotta make paper somehows, yo.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: clothing, nautical, plus size, polyvore

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It’s been a long time coming, this one about my panties.

I’ve been putting off finding a new favorite style of underwear for far too long. You can see it in the holes and the way the sides of my current undies roll down my hips.

*Faces covered to protect the innocent.

Those very comfy, very stretched out, very beige, very cotton “hipster” Granny panties on the left are approximately 6 years old. They are made by Barely There and are a size XL, which in the obscure world of lingerie, equates to an 8.

Those very new, very not stretched out, very beige, very someotherfabricthatisnotcotton “hipster” Granny panties on the right are approximately 2 days old. They are also made by Barely There and are a size XL, or the obscure lingerie size of 8.

Obviously, I needed the new pair of underwears I bought shown on the right. However, they are not the same style as the ones on the left. They may both be very boring beige and are both “hipsters” and they are made with similar fabrics, BUT THEY ARE NOT THE SAME.

This does not please me.

I, and I’m sure many other women around the world, would like to purchase the same panties to which I have grown accustomed as replacements.

Holy underwear is not cool. OK, except in the case of a draft, and then they’re breezy. But I want to replace my holy underwears with new, SAME panties as the ones like on the left above that I’ve grown to love.

I want the panties that don’t roll down my hips, don’t bunch up my ass crack, don’t show out of the top of my jeans when I bend over, and don’t cut off the circulation to my legs.

With this, I’m filing a formal complaint to the manufacturers of women’s underwear.

Attention All Ladies Undergarments Makers:

Because of the curvaceous nature of my body, shopping for new panties is an unpleasant task. I’m not sure you’re aware of this fact, as you seem to think I like changing how my underwears fit on my nethers.

Women don’t like change in relation to how our undies fit on our bottoms.

Once I’ve entered into this period in my life known as a certain age, I am comfortable in a style and a fabric and a fit and price. Unless my derrière drastically changes shape and size, I stick to what I know.

When you, the panties manufacturers of the world, decide to change up your styles and fabrics and fits of your ladies panties, I, a women of a certain age, am unhappy.

Please, Hanes, Bali, Victoria’s Secret, Barely There, Soma, Fruit of the Loom, etc, when you make a panty and it sells more than 10 pairs, I need you to make them FOR LIFE.

I don’t want to have to go Commando just because I can’t find the new Perfect Panty. It’s not pleasant. Trust me.

But, I’m sure you know that because you’re in the business of clothing the unpleasantries. 

Peace & love,
Angie

P.S. Let me know when you can make this happen. I have a drawer full of holy, breezy, stretched-out underwear that needs replacing. You’ll know I’m wearing the old, breezy, rolling-down panties when you watch me walk 10 steps, and I reach into my jeans to pull them back up around my hips.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: granny panties, panties, picture, underwear

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My husband is lucky to have me as his wife.

There’s no more profound statement I can make other than saying “TV is Everything” and “Brownies Bring Happiness.”

Patrick is damn lucky to have me as his wife.

One of the many things he likes to say is that I have too many purses. “But you don’t NEEEED another purse.”

Friends, I do not have too many purses. We’ve been together since 1995, so going on the 17 years of togetherness bliss, I’m sure a man would think that the 20+ bags-used-as-purses I have in the closet would qualify to him as being “too many.”

I get a new purse about ever 6-12 months. We ladies use our purses on a daily basis. We carry them with us everywhere we go from Target to the movies to shopping to hanging on the door of a toilet stall.

Pro tip: Never put your purse under a black light.

We ladies need new purses for our health.

I am the best wife in the history of the damn world.

I don’t shop for purses at the fancy pants designer stores. Before kids, sure I coveted and even bought a Coach purse, but Patrick gave me my first one! Sure I had a Kate Spade diaper bag, but my sister bought it for me!

Since pushing my beauties out of my bagina, I can estimate that I’ve spent no more than $200 TOTAL on purses. That’s not on one purse, but on all the purses I’ve owned since birthing my children.

I told you, he’s lucky to have me.

While waiting out the carpets to dry after Rug Doctoring them, we went to the outlet malls to walk around and not shop.

The Vera Bradley Outlet store had a 20% OFF EVERYTHING sale.

I had to look.

Because.

And I found her.

Isn’t she pretty?

Ask me how much I paid for her.

ASK ME.

$29.

I paid $29 for a Vera Bradley purse that retails for $68.

Did I need a new purse?

This is the Lands’ End Canvas purse I’ve been using for 7 months for which I paid $13.

You tell me. Did I need a new purse, or do I just plain deserve to have something new and pretty?

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: lands' end, new purse, vera bradley

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Remember way back a few weeks ago when I had that awesome Tea Collection giveaway? You know, the crazy-good dresses we love?

SO… some of those girl’s dresses sell for $39. And boy’s pants that are normally $32?

Today through Saturday they’re FIFTEEN DOLLARS.

$15

MAMA’S GOING TO STOCK UP NOW, FRIENDS.

And by the way, you’re welcome.

Tea Collection Ancho Chile Stripe Dress

Tea Collection Canon Tonala Raglan Dress

Tea Collection Lola Mini Dress

Tea Collection Ticking Stripe Pant

Tea Collection Surplus Playwear Pants

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: black friday, clothing, dresses, girls clothing, sale, tea collection

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