Starting this post is proving more difficult than expected.
How do you start writing something that may turn people away?
I’ve written in the past about the anxiety issues with which my daughter has been diagnosed. I have not written at length about her challenges.
No one really wants to hear about some “mommy blogger” *puke* spew about her kid and how smart her smart kid is and LOOKIT MY KID!1! ISN’T SHE AMAZING?!/?
Me either.
We found out yesterday that my kid is a special needs student. She will forever have an extra set of paperwork attached to her file. She will forever have a label. She will forever be watched extra closely.
She is a challenge. A WAY beyond-her-6-years intelligence challenge.
I hate knowing she may be ostracized or separated or looked upon as being different.
I hate feeling like I can’t talk about her as a “special needs student” because most special needs students are on a different spectrum of “special.”
She IS a special needs student. She DOES need additional services. She needs extra help and special teachers and extra meetings throughout the school year to check on her progress.
I don’t want to feel embarrassed by my Special Needs Student. I don’t want to feel like I’m THAT MOM who is fighting for what my child needs.
My 6yo, going-into-1st-grader is Gifted & Talented. She is nearly off the charts in intelligence. The staffing counselor who tested her yesterday was literally shocked at how high her scores measured.
What do we possibly do for our child? How do we make sure she’s challenged? How do I, as her parent, protect her?
What do we do with a kid who is smarter than we’ve ever been?
How do I make sure her sister isn’t lost in the challenges of her sister’s? How do I make sure SHE isn’t overlooked?
Compared to other family’s challenges, ours is manageable. Ours is still a challenge.
Ours is still a “special needs” challenge.
And we have no idea where to start.
{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
the stigma that exists is unfortunate on so many levels. as a former teacher who created IEPs with my student’s parents and guardians, i remember the looks on their faces just seeing the paperwork… the finality of it all. the black and white.
a challenge is a challenge, just like you said.
but it looks like you actually have started.
you’ve acknowledged.
and that’s huge.
*HUG*
An Awesome post on nic @mybottlesup´s blog … using the sharpie marker
You know. I was a special needs student, too. Gifted and talented just like your girl. Don’t you feel better already? Snort.
Seriously, though, studies have shown that siblings usually only differ in IQ by a negligible number of points. Sometimes, one sibling’s “giftedness” is just more apparent than the other’s. As was clearly the case with my brother… people thought I was waaaay smarter than him. He’s a cardiology fellow, now, and I? Am a mommyblogger who writes about how awesome her kid is. And politics. And other stuff.
What were we talking about… oh, *you*.
I was gifted too, but my kid has tested WAY higher than I was. I went to the special gifted school 1 day/week and was in advanced classes, but my kid is in her own special class. She’s SO fortunate to have the opportunity, but I’m just afraid of the stigma.
*high 5* for mommy bloggers *puke*!!!!
This isn’t something I’ve had to face as a parent, so I’m absolutely useless as far as helpful tips. It does sound like a pretty daunting road ahead for her. But I have 100% faith in you & Patrick that you’ll figure out what’s best for her AND her sister.
Of course my kids would be the exception to what Faiqa said, lol.
I have a special needs son who has autism, adhd, and mental retardation (his iq is 59).
My middle son is average, well behaved, and a regular all around kid.
The little one is extremely bright and will be testing for gifted next year at some point.
Honestly I fear the evaluation and IEP meetings for the bright one as much as I do the handicapped one.
Having to deal with a special needs label of any kind is hard. I won’t lie and say it gets any easier. There are constant battles. Though that can be said with the “regular’ kids too.
All we can do as parents is fight the battles we need to for our kids and teach them to fight for themselves and pray we don’t screw them up too much in the process.
My brother was a gifted special needs child, and I missed that opportunity by so few points that my mom and one of my teachers each fought to have me tested again, where I missed the mark by the smallest of margins. There are many out there, and for the most part, we are well adjusted individuals.
Here’s the big thing… Anyone who ostracizes her isn’t worthy of her. No matter what the special need is, those kids are often the most loving and giving people in life. She just needs to focus all that loving and giving on people who are worthy of it.
An Awesome post on Erin´s blog … I&8217m Fighting With The Scale Again
Love her. Trust her. Listen to her, and encourage playdates as you would for any other child.
You’re right — she needs you, and it will be a challenge, but you can do this.
How lovely that she is so bright and will have so many opportunities to work beyond her years — and that she has a loving mom like you who will make sure that she has a childhood full of friends and “kid stuff” too.
You should talk to @TheNextMartha. Her boy is gifted as well.
I was labeled gifted, but nothing much came from it. Except that I didn’t learn how to study, because at a younger age everything came naturally. I took the extra classes, and the honors classes, had a bit of college credit going into college, but that was it. That would be my only advice. Nurture her study habits, even if it’s easy for her.
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I think we’ll do just fine. We just have to stay on top of her education and continue to communicate with her as we have. I think if we continue to indulge her passions, she will do well. We cannot control the outside world, but we can give her the best foundation we can possibly give.
Also, I’m not crazy about the snarky pic above as it lines up next to our daughter’s picture and you should be happier in your pic.
An Awesome post on The Husband´s blog … Almost Time
heh. totally by accident.
and YOU have a snarky picture here too, doofus.
I was in the gifted and talented classes in school and it wasn’t seen as a stigma then. We just kind of all stuck together, and usually for real, the smart kids end up being the popular kids too… you know as long as they aren’t all nerdy. And with you for a mom I’m pretty sure that isn’t going to happen to her. Plus she’s way too cute to be nerdy.
A friend of a friend of a friend of some family or something has a daughter that tests out at the genius level IQ. They put her in a private school for kids like her. She was so smart that she needed constant stimulation. We went on a trip with them once and it was a little bit tiring. She needed a lot of interaction because her brain was working so fast. Maybe there is something like that you can find for your daughter.
An Awesome post on Jennifer´s blog … Finding Love
Here’s what I suggest. Our 5yo is very bright – he’ll be in Kindergarten this year (late Nov bday) but already reads and adds and just KNOWS STUFF that blows me away every day. What we plan to do with him is leave him in regular classes and add to it, outside the classroom. Books and games and extracurricular activities that are more on par with his level, much like we already do now. Then, when he’s a bit older and can make a decision for himself, we’ll let him determine if he wants to go to a different school or be pulled out of certain classes to participate in advanced studies or whatever else it is the school would recommend for him. We’re also aware that we may just change our mind 3 months into the school year.
Would love to hear how things continue to go with her though – either here or offline!
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I was “gifted” too and the one piece of advice I can give you is to help her be defined by more than just being “the smart kid.” I was always kind of the smartest kid around and didn’t really have to try to do well at things. Then I went to a top tier college and everyone around me was the smartest kid around. It was a very odd place to be, without the “thing” that you defined yourself as.
Be prepared to home school. YOU will care about her and her progress way more than any educational institution will.
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I have a kid with the same “special needs”. He’s starting middle school this year. In Kindergarten this started. He’s off the charts smart. Every year it was a balance of power between my son and the teacher. A balance of effort between the teacher and us. Every year it was the same conversations. It’s not always easy to help your child or the school, but is alway easy and FUN to talk to your child, learn what their thinking is like, hear about how they look at school fundamentally different than most other children. School will be what it will be and kids will be what they will be. But you AND your daughter are lucky, because even when she presents a challenge, teachers will love her point of view. Each year will offer a different perspective, teachers will handle it differently, and your job is to just make sure that she’s happy and adjusted and not bored. If she’s happy, she’s learning and when she’s learning, she’s happy. Have fun.
An Awesome post on Angi´s blog … Little Black Rain Cloud
I love your girls and I love you. I have no idea what you are *really* dealing with. You have been a momlonge than I have and a you’re a teacher, so maybe you have a better grasp than I do an what all this means.
That being said, I have found that if it’s not one thing than it’s another. Like, if you didn’t have this to be concerned with, there would, without a doubt, be something different that you would be equally worried about and consumed by. The story of life as a mom, no?!?
You will roll with this just like you have with every other issue you’ve faced with your kids, I am sure. Can’t wait to see where all this leads you and your family!
One of my sisters was that kind of special needs. And my parents got a note explaining that I was never gonna be all that bright. She’s a professor now. I’ve just finished a PhD. I have say make things hard enough for her that she HAS to learn study habits because I had no problem in college. My sister really struggled because for the first time her education wasn’t easy. On the other hand as the other child, I deeply resent the fact that I was raised to believe that I wasn’t as smart, as deserving, or as worthwhile of my parents’ time as she was. My folks say this wasn’t the case, but I sister fully acknowledges that it was. You’re in for a heck of a ride.
PS Get her all the help you can afford for the anxiety. Something else I wish someone had done for me.
My family was the opposite, with the smart ones getting pushed aside to make way for the dumb one’s self-esteem. I’d probably be over it, except it’s still going on and just gets more obvious as I get older and find more perspective. (And success, as my sibling continues to underachieve and stagnate, more from being spoiled than any personal failing in my opinion, while me and my other sibling reach for the stars. We are all in our 20s.)
Wow. I can completely see how that happened, and I’d be angry if I were you. I think between the two of us we’ve made the point that children should be loved and pushed to thrive regardless of their test scores.
Both my kids tested Gifted… the best thing I can recommend you do for her is to just let her do what other other kids do. Encourage her to be involved in extra curricular activities – music, arts, sports, student government. When she gets older, maybe peer tutoring.
One of the best compliments my daughter ever got from a teacher was when she was told she was the ‘most normal gifted student she ever had.’
Your girl has a wonderful gift, but not a third arm. She’s just a little kid… let her be a little kid. Find out what she enjoys and encourage that.
(The Boy’s other special needs issues are only affected by his gifted status because his teachers were of the mistaken opinion that because he was smart, he would be able to control his OCD, ADD and anxiety attacks)
An Awesome post on Tara R.´s blog … You treat her like dirt…
I was a GATE kid.
If you’re using me as an example? She’ll probs be okay? SNORT< no don't you DARE use me as an example. Pick someone successful.
Seriously though, she'll be okay.
An Awesome post on Miss Grace´s blog … Diptych – Vespertine
WhyMommy has it right: “Love her. Trust her. Listen to her …” : )
I was one of those students, my parents made math/spelling/etc worksheets for me (and it’s even easier w/the internet, now) and rewarded me w/bedtime (staying up late) points to keep me pushing myself.
You’re going to do fine. She’s awesome, she gets it from her parents. : )
My 6YO (Boo) was tested and came back not only gifted, but off the charts, evil genius kind of smart. They warned us that her intelligence did not eclipse the fact that emotionally and socially, she’s still six. She needs to be challenged to try new things, but she should be encouraged to creative and sporting endeavors to help her learn balance.
We all want our kids to be special and unique and fit in all at the same time. In the end, all we can do is foster the people they are and to let them explore the person they want to become.
Like someone mentioned above, I have a gifted son and we had him tested at 4. My son is going into 2nd grade and I know exactly where you are at. Feel free to contact me about any questions or support you may need. I live in a non-mandated state which means that schools do NOT have to do anything for him. I have to fight for everything I can get. Also, I’m not a blog pusher but I do write a gifted blog at: jenniferhajer.blogspot.com. There is also a #gtchat on fridays and sundays on twitter hosted by @DeborahMersino
Honestly? You are fortunate to know about these “special needs”. My kid – same kid- was “a little smarter” in Iowa. Probably would have been in that one class a week TAG class like I was. But then we moved to Florida where they do TESTS and IEPs and all kinda of other stuff for this “special needs” kid. We had tests now to tell us just how freaking smart he was (he scored a perfect on last year’s FCAT, of that gives you any indication)
But in the end?
Same kid he would have been in Iowa. Just different label.
But
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Oh girl, you are in for a wild, yet awesome ride. My oldest is too. Higher IQ than I had any idea of. The way I am able to keep her challenged is by helping her find new things to learn about. She at eight reads at a college level…so it’s easy to find her new topics that interest her. At this age at least. I can’t tell you about the future, cause yeah, she’s not even nine yet.
Right now? She is leaning about monster trucks. Seriously. Because it’s neat. It’s interesting. It’s new. Next week, who the heck knows what she will move onto. We went through the animal phase, the space phase, the…you get the idea. She gets a little obsessed about it, but she moves on pretty quickly. She does those math and reading workbooks from Target. She makes up math time sheets for herself. She’s a strange bird. Um, let me think…oh, we got her an iTouch. She loves the word puzzles, word searches, suduko. She’s also a Majong addict.
I have to pay close attention…because while she can read at a college level, she is emotionally not probably even eight. She is sensitive, gets upset easily and is socially more awkward than my just turned six year old.
Keep her active. It helps with the anxiety (my daughter also has ADHD and an anxiety disorder) as well as keeps her busy. Also, if she has an interest in an instrument or some form of art, try and foster that too. It helps them balance the intelligence with life. My daughter plays soccer, she does hip-hop dancing and she also is about to start taking cooking classes. I struggle with wanting her to be as normal a kid as possible, despite the fact that I know she’s already smarter than me.
In the end? Follow her lead. Know that she is smart. Extra special smart. But you can’t expect anything more out of her, than any six year old emotionally. And? Just love her for her. You can do this. I promise.
An Awesome post on Issa´s blog … My pre-BlogHer- see how strange I am- post
I work in a school for gifted high school students and we think about/talk about how to best meet the needs of our students all the time. I recommend you read “Losing our Minds: Gifted Children Left Behind” by Deborah Ruf. She spoke with our faculty and was wonderful. Many of my students parents have very much appreciated her insights. Best of luck!
My son is, too, and the school just don’t get it. It’s very frustrating. They did the testing, have the certificate, then don’t know what to do with it. I hope you have better luck.
An Awesome post on Mwa´s blog … t -9 days
I have 3 of them. And I am further down the track than you.
You have my email.
Use it.
An Awesome post on Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo´s blog … Jamie Oliver and a crack in my radiator may have just saved my sons life
My kid is a special needs kid. I find nothing embarrassing about this, as it doesn’t change him overall. He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (basically he’s got speech and language issues, processing and all that), which is merely just a label. We took the label, because it opened doors.
I struggled a long time with this, because my parents fought against having a label for me (ADHD), because to them it was embarrassing. I feel like this was their biggest detriment, because I had such a hard time in school.
Having a label sucks, but so many kids have one these days, that it’s not even really that big of a deal, at least in my opinion. If it helps him through some difficult periods in school, then so be it. I’m not even the slightest bit ashamed of it, and I rally to be his advocate to fight for the help that he needs. I’ll curb stomp a bitch that gets in my way. I don’t care if he’s not “normal.” I just want him to be able to cope with what he’s given, in a manner that works for him.
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Yea! Just like Aunt Jackie. We just can’t help our uber-smarts. Just make sure she “performs to her potential.” Oh, and don’t ground her from reading.
As the Mom of two daughter labeled as “gifted and talented” I can assure you that you and Anna, and Claire, also, will do just fine. She’ll keep you on your toes in a few years when you have to dig deep into the back of your grey matter to remember how to do all the advanced math you learned many years before. I agree with the comments regarding involvement in music and sports. There’s no reason for her to be anything other than a very smart, “normal,” young lady. I’m surprised that you’re feeling overwhelmed by this news – with her genes how could she be anything other than a genius?! Oh, and I strongly disagree with JackiPati – if she closes herself away from society by staying in her room reading (or anything else) 24/7, by all means it’s your responsibility to drag her back to the rest of the world!
Love you all!
**hug**
I’m sure you are concerned about her being labeled as “special needs,” but I certainly hope that the extra attention and effort will help her focus her energy and intelligence in a way that she can do fantastic things as an adult. Regardless of what her file says.
An Awesome post on Cort´s blog … Toss me on a hog- and Ill be your girl
Yep, labels suck. But, sometimes you need them to get the things you need.
YOu know, all kids have special needs. Every kid just has different ones form every other kid.
I am not a teacher, but a mom whose child will soon go to school. Your post has got me thinking about what she will be labeled as. Will she be called “social” or “hyperactive”. She is wonderfully intellegent, very perceptive, and doesn’t always see things as she is “supposed” to (kind of like her folks!). Will her label be one that drives her to be ever better or will it pigeonhole her into a group that she will never escape from.
You and your hub seem to be amazing parents, you will encourage her and remind her that she is special because of who she is. As for your younger daughter…you will do the same for her as well. There is alot of pronound usage in those last two sentances, sorry. I’m sleep deprived and can’t remember which daughter is which.
I’m amazed that your state will give you an IEP for your highly gifted child. I have never heard that before. I have 1 GT child. She had to make do in kindergarten learning the alphabet and phonics even though she was already reading. Now that she is older she has benefited from a wide array of classes. I fear that her education will be far better than my child who tests poorly.
In our state parents have to fight for 504 plans and IEPs. For one of the kids we could not get one in elementary school. 6 months later when that child moved to middle school we got a formalized plan. It’s a struggle to get the plans, but it is an even greater struggle to get teachers to follow the plan.
Keep giving your child access to books, activities, and room to grow to become who she is destined to be.
An Awesome post on MusingsfromMe/Jill´s blog … Sun Exposure for Kids- Preteens- and Teens
She is not only special, but incredible too. As for the stigma, I think as long as she is still interested in extra-curricular activities for at or around her age group, you have nothing to worry about. Even if she is extra special in her outside interests, she will find people to surround herself with that wont even notice she might be *special*.
An Awesome post on C´s blog … Bad Dates
My son was reading at a end of third grade level at the start of 1st grade. I was asked this past year (and in kindergarten) if I wanted him in gifted and talented. Because his teachers have been so happy to work with him thus far, I’ve said no (also, it’s not in his school, he’d have to be bused and I didn’t want to take him away from his friends/class). I have no clue if he will continue on this path, but as long as his teachers keep challenging him, I’ll keep him where he is.
Congrats on having a brilliant daughter!
the fact that you’re writing this pretty much proves that you’ll do just fine by her.
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Let’s talk. Email me lady!
I am just about to start work at a school for kids that sound remarkably similar to your girl. I’ve worked with a ton of sn/gifted kids.
I was that kind of a kid, in a tiny, rural school district where there were no services. The school district, out of concern for me reaching my “potential,” let me get way ahead of my classmates. I wound up in college-level boarding school seven hours away from home at age 13 and in a college dorm at age 16.
My parents believed they were doing what was best for me and my education. But all that acceleration was about my intellect, and everyone forgot about the other important kid stuff that happens during school – like emotional and social maturity. The result? My teens and early 20s were, um, turbulent, with a string of terrible life choices that actually delayed my life progress rather than accelerating it. Oh, and there’s still that whole social awkwardness thing…
So, I’ve written this book to urge you not to let concern for intellectual progress make the district forget about all the other growing up stuff that will need to get done for her to be a success in life.
And, um, see you at BlogHer. I will again be playing the part of the weird woman who fluctuates between being overly friendly and totally quiet and shy, because I have no frackin idea how to actually behave in social settings. (I’m actually quite normal in one-on-one settings! No, I swear!!)
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