Clearly, I have herpes.
Or maybe not, but there’s something new on my upper lip that wasn’t there yesterday. Or at least I didn’t notice it until today. Either way, it’s a problem.
It’s both a problem that I have something on my lip and that I may not have noticed it until now. I tend to look at my face a lot. We sexy folks with cystic acne are obsessed with our skin. I’m pretty much a trichotillomaniac since I self-diagnosed myself from an episode of My Strange Addiction.
That red spot on my lip is probably the first step into my grave. Combined with all of my other symptoms of lethargy, incontinence, and stretch marks, I’m convinced that this one little red spot is the final puzzle piece to my rare disease.
I know it’s not herpes because it’s no raised or itchy or oozing. I know it’s not a pimple because of the same reasons. What if I’m getting a mole ON MY LIP? I’ll be gross like that photographer with the 1/2-inch tall mole on his tongue who took my senior portraits.
It’s probably not a hemangioma because you’re born with those, right? Or is it a hemangioma that I’ve had since birth that just decided to show up now?
You may think it’s nothing or you don’t even see it, but I do. It’s totally there.
When I noticed it just now when I was looking at myself in the mirror in the car, I thought it looked like a hicky. A hicky that small would have been done by an imaginary Pocket Pal just like the one I used to have who lived in my backpack. But since he’s been out of my life for nearly 20 years, I’m thinking it’s probably not him.
It’s not that freckle on the top pointy part of my lip, but it’s a red circular mark ON my upper lip. Whatever, you probably don’t even see it, but I do, and I’m probably going to die from it. You’ll feel totally sad that you minified my concerns.
Don’t you see it?
Whatever. I’m not a hypochondriac.
I just know I’m dying because of this red mark on my lip.