I’ve long believed I lack gift-giving skills. Except for those few times when I’ve won Christmas with a once-in-a-lifetime epic gift idea, I just suck at it.
Either I completely forget to send birthday cards, or I buy a birthday present for my 2-year-old niece that then sits on my living room floor for what is now going on 3-1/2 months. True story.
Patrick has come to expect me to give him the promise of a future cruise for Father’s Day. Or I tell him that HE gets to PICK where we go for DINNER for which he’s PAYING! A last-minute home-printed photo of his kids? IT’S FROM THE HEART, DAMMIT.
Hopefully, this year I’ll get on ball and actually think ahead to gifting him something good for Father’s Day.
Patrick works in a cubicle farm now, and he used to work in an office that was a cross between the workplace in Office Space and the one on The Office splashed with a whole lot of corporate-wannabe blow-hards rolled into a dot-com bubble busting company. These Knock Knock Corporate Lingo Flashcards? He could write them with his eyes closed. I think he’d like them as a memory of how far he’s come from using words like, “synergy” and “corporate restructuring.”
Say Anything is one of my all-time favorite movies, therefore it must also be one of Patrick’s all-time favorite movies. That’s how marriage works.
Like any person over the age of 12 knows, tying up water balloons is a serious pain in the finger. But you gotta do what you gotta do to get the artillery ready for battle. Thank goodness for things like this Tie Not Water Balloon Filler. Sheer GENIUS.
I don’t pretend to know what “binary” means any more than I pretend to know what “RTFM” stands for. All that geekery makes my tiny brain tickle, and not in a good way. Patrick is a huge nerd and probably knows what both binary AND RTFM mean, so I’m sure this LED Binary Watch would look pretty on his slender wrists.
As hard as I’ve tried and as much as I’ve wretched up, I just can’t make myself like beer. I wish I liked it. You people who drink beer look all relaxed and satisfied with your libation. Unfortunately, my picky palate still rejects the taste of beer. Patrick, however, would like to think of himself as a beer connoisseur. And by “connoisseur” I mean “someone who drinks a lot of Budweiser and likes to sprinkle in some different flavors every other day.” I should totally get him these Rate That Beer Note Pad Paper Sheets with little fear that they become our next grocery list note pad.
Music is a part of what defines my husband, and since he doesn’t actually play an actual instrument or sing actual songs, I think he’d get more out of this Get Amp’d Mug than out of a new actual guitar.
Is there a worse song in the lexicon of music than the drivel, Red Solo Cup? Probably, but when I hear the few notes that sneak into my ears before I turn it off, I want slice them off of my head. Still, red Solo cup full of beer is part of good summertime, outdoorsy, family-time fun. Kids doing keg stands, grandmas playing Beer Pong, and uncles baiting everyone to take just one quick trip out on the jetski you’ll never forget. No need to pour out that can of beer just to have a good time, because I’m getting him a Red Solo Cup Koozie to hold his Miller High Life.
Patrick is a HUGE Star Wars nerd. If I let him, he’d put Star Wars sheets on our bed. Too bad for him, they don’t come in queen sizes (or if they do, don’t tell him otherwise). But he’d totally love me more if I gave him this I Love You SITH Much Darth Vader Bobblehead. Or maybe he’d hide it away in the back of the closet with all of my old purses and Halloween costumes and pretend I never thought this was a good idea for a gift.
I take good pictures with the camera he gave me for Mother’s Day 2 years ago. Clearly, a good gift for him would be a Shutterfly Photo Book of my artistic abilities.