Oh, you Disney folks and your fancy advertising and catchy songs used for my 4- and 2-year-old children to covet your movies.

You motherpunching asshats.

While Hockeyman spent his evening at his first World Series game in St. Pete, I got stuck was left suckered into spent the time with my girls.

What better way to pass the time than to surprise them by going a movie they’ve wanted to see for the last 57 months. Why so long, you ask? Because the asshats as Disney promote their jerkwad movies for 6 months before they’re released, and I get to hear, “I wanna see the ‘EYE, CHIWHAWHA’ movie,” 145 times.

I figured I’d be the fun mama who finally takes my girls to see their long-awaited feature film at the “movie store.”

Note to self: Next time you have the girls alone all f-ing day, putt them to bed at 6:30pm instead of spending $14 to listen to one kid whine wanting to leave and the other scared at the mean people in the movie.

Disney people – your marketing machine worked. We gave you our hard-earned money. You gave me a heaping, steaming, juicy, corn-filled load of dog shit.

What do I get for going to see a talking dog movie? The thought of trying to pass my 92 minutes of talking dog hell by thinking of ways I can be eating my own face.

I actually had high hopes for liking this movie considering my life-long goal is to be the crazy dog lady with 8 Chihuahuas.

The absolute WORST non-part of this dog-poo-of-a-movie: That endearing song-and-dance routine with 500 performing Chihuahuas from the trailers are not even in the FUCKING MOVIE, so I had the pleasure of hearing my 4yo ask a MINIUMUM of 12 times when she could dance. NOT COOL, you Disney marketing asshats. Not cool.