Happy Birthday today to my sister, Jackoff Jackass Jack-O-Lantern BitchBitchBitchDetermined Jackie! You’re 30!!! That means you’re O.L.D. like me.
This month, actually this week, I have FOUR birthday presents to buy. Not just kiddo birthdays - adult birthdays.
I can’t just go out and buy the latest and greatest cheap plastic lead-paint-ridden toy for a 3-year-old. I have to actually THINK about what to get them.
That’s where you, my loyal tens of readers, come in. What should I get them for their birthdays? HELP!
Jackie - my sister - turning 30 today. She enjoys wine, crappy TV, wine, working out eating, wine, buying expensive purses, and wine.
Ma - my mother - turning 58 on Saturday. She enjoys wine, her grandchildren, wine, golf, wine, and reading catalogs.
Sorry, wrong picture.
Harlot* - skank friend - turned 30 March - She has crabs. She enjoys wine, her son, wine, kvetching, wine, and eating chips & queso.
Wannaseemyunderwear?* - skank friend - turning 28 this week (damn - I don’t know the exact date. Some friend I am…) - Skinny Bitch. She enjoys alcohol, playing Wii, alcohol, reading, alcohol, showing her boobs & her underwear, and alcohol.
*Some names have been changed to protect the innocent and their jobs.
You can save some shopping time…I just got my present!
Thanks for including the “edit.” Love you!
Well, not knowing what your budget is, here are my suggestions:
wii girl- get her a funky color “jacket” for her Wii-mote. Extra $$ to spend? A bottle of similar colored alcohol/colored bottle of alcohol.
chips and queso girl- get her a babysitter and then treat her to a night of chips and queso and Margaritas- follow up with chick flick if you have extra $$ to spend
Jackie- a QVC gift card…combines purse buying with (arguably) crappy TV…extra $$, add in an etched decanter for her wine
Ma- go online and get one of those coffee table books that you can upload photos and text to and hit “print” and send it to her. Fill it with photos of the grandchildren. That is all she wants, anyway.
What a beautiful post… really.
How about getting them some wine?
Tara’s last blog post..I won earrings
Your friends sound a lot like me in their interests (wine, wine, and wine). The BEST gift I ever got was the Wine of the month club. Granted…I can never get enough wine, but the day my shipment shows up is the happiest one each month! My hubby got me some plastic wine glasses to go with it, so that I quit breaking the “good stuff.”
Ooooh…and if you google search for “painted wine glasses” there are some really good ones! I got my mom (who passed me the gene of wine-love) a really cool one. (sorry…can’t remember the site)
Amanda’s last blog post..Stupid daylight savings?
if they all live by you and ther is a vineyard somewhat close make a girls day and go make your own wine! my husbands boss got this gift from his staff two years ago and they LOVED it! unique, fun, and you get a bunch of wine you made YOURSELF! good luck!
andi’s last blog post..Psaghetti Hangover
I want to be a skank friend to.. I enjoy wine, I have crabs, and I enjoy showing my underwear.. Though I have yet to find my boobs.. I think they are there, but I am not sure since breast feeding has made them unrecognizable.
Happy Birthday to all your peeps.
Kim’s last blog post..Project365/28
Oh!! You MUST get sis there a mumu and gold lame’ house shoes. Ya know, since she’s old and all. She can keep them covered with plastic to ensure they last until your retirement together.
DO NOT do the same for the Mom. It would hurt her feelings. Maybe get her a stripper. She looks like the type that would enjoy that. What straight gal wouldn’t? Duh!!
Angela’s last blog post..Confessions of an Eventful (fat) Weekend
I wouldn’t be able to resist….For either Ma or Jackie, I’d call their bluff on the wine thing.
Get the crappiest bottle of plonk you can lay your hands on, or better still mix the crappiest bottle you can lay your hands on with something like ribena, and present it to them under the guise of some astoundingly fantastic French tipple.
Sit back and watch them Yum their way through it…
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Updates & The ‘Rash Review
Clearly some Fast Bastard or Peter Vella in a Box for the first three and some quality vodka for the last once since she apparently has some taste.
Dawn’s last blog post..NaNoWriMonday - 3:4
I think you should get them all rehab.
Kidding…kidding…
Tootsie Farklepants’s last blog post..Even He Couldn’t Believe Just How Bad That Smelled
Happy Birthday everyone! I love me some wine too!