You can tell yourself that you don’t care about your numbers. You can tell everyone else that you could care less about how many people read what you write. You can sit at your computer for an extra 10 minutes before you go to bed just waiting to hear that ding of a new comment coming in to your mailbox. You can compare the number of comments you receive to the number of comments The Pioneer Woman Brittany anyone else receives and wonder, “Why are THEY so special? What did THEY do that people find interesting? Why can’t I be more like them?” You can check your stats 5 times a day wondering what worked today that didn’t work yesterday to bring in those extra 10 readers.
But really, what DOES work to bring in the readers and commenters?
- • Talking about vaginas on a regular basis.
- • Living on a farm with an eye and ability to take incredible photographs plus be able to create and prepare nommy foods.
- • Be extra interesting with a penchant for putting excellent words together with many other excellent words.
- • Comment on other people’s blog posts, but only in the beginning of your blog writing. After you get a few thousand readers, quit commenting altogether. You’ll look cooler and then gain even MORE readers.
- • B Real. Be real. Don’t be a skeeve.
- • Make shit up, but be able to back it up. If you make something up, make sure no one is around to prove you’re a faker.
Thus ends today’s lesson in how to make it big as a blogger. But what do I know? I average <100 original readers a day. On an extra good day. And no, I don’t check my stats 5 times a day. Only 4 times. TOPS.
{ 70 comments… read them below or add one }
Hysterical!! I loved it
.-= Kris Cain´s last blog ..Sunday Evening Ramblings =-.
danka
i’m still trying to figure out what to make up that will cause a stir and the truth can’t be proven….mwahahahaha
well ‘putting your kid in a balloon’ idea has been used.. so thats out
.-= pamela´s last blog ..NaNoWriMo is kickin’ my butt.. =-.
it’s SOOO october ’09
show your boobs.
i think you are brilliant and deserve like 100000000 of views a day
.-= pamela´s last blog ..NaNoWriMo is kickin’ my butt.. =-.
you’re now in charge of making that happen.
Man, I have SO forgotten about the fact that I grew up on a farm. I could TOTALLY have been having more readers, but farm politics only involve cows and chickens and they don’t blog.
you could have been Pioneer Woman YEARS ago. you missed out.
I’d go for the farm thing since I have a nice camera and am a decent cook but I’m betting there’d be spiders, and as I proved tonight, I don’t do so well with the spiders. I guess I’m going to have to go for Vaginas since the other methods involve talent and/or require that your real self not be a skeeve.
i say go vaginas.
Word!
.-= Cass´s last blog ..Therapy is Working! =-.
right on.
Did someone say vagina? See. It worked.
flash the shiny, and they come.
Or blog about blogging and all the bloggers post comments about blogging. Which reminds me, I haven’t posted about blogging in forever. Ha. XO
.-= OHmommy´s last blog ..Im the only mother in the world with this problem. =-.
i hate blogs about blogging.
From a newbie: Thanks for the tips! I’ll be sure to make note:)
you’re welcome.
don’t believe anything i say.
Oh see, I can’t write about vaginas since my mother-in-law reads my blog. And I can’t write about poop (a la Dooce) because my dad reads it. Not that either one of them ever leave comments, damn them.
So, um, “make shit up, but be able to back it up” – is that like, make sure that six different Atlanta TSA security cameras aren’t aimed at you when said shit allegedly happens? Just a guess.
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..the Almost-3’s =-.
that’s what you got out of my post?
inneresting….
take from it what you will.
I had decent readership until I accidentally let my blog turn into a freaking mommy blog. Curses! Pregnancy/newborn will make that happen, you know. Maybe I should move to a vagina farm and take a lot of pictures.
.-= Lori´s last blog ..Speaking of Ida… =-.
friggin MOMMY blogs. gah.
I disagree about “big” blogs gaining readers. I look at a site like dooce (which, by the way, it took me a FULL 2 YEARS as a blogger to even know it existed. WTF?) and think, nope, she doesn’t need me, I’ll move along, now.
I’m clearly out of my element on this here internet.
just takes 10000 hours of practice. start!
You forgot one step.
Get really popular and then only comment on other really popular blogs and forget all about the people that got you there. And actually care about you.
Heh.
when you get big, don’t forget about me.
ding ding ding
my blog was originally just for me, and then it was just for grandparents and aunts and uncles, so it’s nothing fancy. it’s actually very “outdated” apparently…i even have 2, because i thought i could revamp the old one, but that hasn’t worked out too well…maybe i should talk about a penis…
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..wow, it’s really 7 in the morning…. =-.
you
need
a
real
blog.
oh hai! i see it!
You’ve just described me! I am always checking my stats and doing cartwheels when someone comments. I get only a handful a day, but I just keep on writing anyways!
.-= Sincerely Jenni´s last blog ..I’ve Gone Cold Turkey =-.
keep on chuggin just being YOURSELF. that’s all i got.
Note to self- vaginas.
Cue “The more you know!” and the little rainbow.
ding ding ding DING
(that was the music)
LOL! Hey, compared to me, You’re a Rock Star!
.-= Astaryth´s last blog ..Just in Case You were Worried about 12/12/2012 =-.
but i don’t party like one. so does that make me one? or just make me a lazy one?
I reads ya lots I just don’t always comment cuz A. I have no new post myself then I look like I’m a slacker which I totally am. B Other people have said what I was thinking only said it way better . Who wants a whole bunch of “ya what she said” on their comments. So in closing you are funny and awesome and seem mostly sane so I guess just love where ya are cuz in my world you’re pretty much a celeb
.-= habanerogal´s last blog ..No the plane didn’t crash and my mama didn’t send me to mah room =-.
uh, yeah. i’m the opposite of a celeb unless you could sitting on my recliner 12 hours a day in an old t-shirt being a celeb.
That whole AIming Low thing has gotten to your sweet brain. Ya remember the trip where you got to go to NYC and Boston? Ringin any bells there?? Too funny
Hey, anyone who needs help making controversy should just invite me over.
OTOH, I try to keep my blog topical and useful to my small audience, so no one reads it.
Back to writing my anti-breast-cancer-awareness post! Hoorah!
X
Supa
controversy makes for AWESOME traffic but trolls.
give & take.
I try so hard not to fall into the trap… it’s tough not to though. Le sigh. At least I have this wicked-funny thing to read every day… love it! And you. Go, girl!!
.-= Grumble Girl´s last blog ..Taming the Goddamned Dreaded Fitted Sheet =-.
damns, you’re too nice.
Guilty! Guilty! Guilty! I suck at commenting on sites. I used to be good at it, but that was when I had a sucky job that gave me time to do it. Now it’s just me that sucks. But wait, was I supposed to wait until I had thousands of readers to stop? Crap. It’s too late.
.-= Burgh Baby´s last blog ..She’s Really Good at Faking Sick. Or Something. =-.
i’m so lazy at commenting.
i’m lazy at everything, so at least i’m consistent.
Posting pictures of your balls also works well.
.-= Avitable´s last blog ..The methodology of consolation =-.
or pictures of YOUR balls since i don’t have any.
Oh, you totally do.
.-= Avitable´s last blog ..The methodology of consolation =-.
Not posting pictures of Adam’s balls has worked pretty well for me.
Or you could just tell the world that your 3 year old has had fucking scarlet fever for three days and you, his mother, DID NOTHING. Oh, wait, that was me. Ok worst-mother-of-the-year-commentors: Green Light!
(I’ll let you know later if that worked…)
how can you be held accountable if NO ONE HAS SCARLET FEVER ANY MORE? so random.
So, what does it mean if you stink at commenting, but still have a blog tiny, like a flea?
Uh oh, I think I’m fucked.
.-= Honeybell´s last blog ..Come, Bask In The Melancholy With Me =-.
so sorry.
Regarding your first point – Pictures paint a thousand words you know…
.-= Martin´s last blog ..King & Queen of the dump =-.
which is why i post a lot of pictures! you’re a genius.
I think you need boob shots too.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Follow Meeeee Tiny Dancer! (et. all) =-.
if only i had boobs worth showing. damns.
Too funny… The commenting thing is really true… I have been reading your blog for over a year and I think this may be the first time I have commented. Does that make me a lurker?
Anyway, I do really enjoy your sense of humor… Thanks for the tips!
you are NOT ALLOWED to be a lurker. unacceptable.
Off to write a post about your vagina and Adam’s balls and move to the country. I’ll get this blogging thing down, someday!
.-= tena´s last blog ..My husband dreams about penises, I mean tornados =-.
i think writing about shaunaglenn’s vagina would be more successful for you.
It’s annoying when you can tell bloggers are just writing things, or just commenting on other’s sites, to try to get more readers though. Even if you care about the numbers, people prefer when it seems like you’re writing just for yourself, and for the sake of the content. Well, I prefer that.
To not be a total hypocrite I’m not even linking this comment to my blog! lol go me.
We spend WAY too much time thinkig about this crap, don’t we? All of us. I don’t care what anybody says, we all do it. Even the people you alluded to. I wish I didn’t.
.-= Maggie, dammit´s last blog ..tickets to the gun show =-.
PW is no big whoop. She only writes about her dogs & cows. Ok, she can cook, but how does that help me? She can’t MAIL me the food (I refuse to buy any more cookbooks that I will never use). And Dooce? I’ve never read her blog, I’d rather read yours & a few others instead. You Rule!
Ha! I think we are kindred spirits in some ways! I have a very small following, also, and seriously, sometimes I’ll post something that I think isn’t so great and get a fair number of commenters (and a “fair number” of commenters = a crazy awesome response). And then I’ll write something that I just think is awesome and get nothing but the chirp of crickets!
And um, not to be a skeeve, as you mentioned, but I’d love it if you would stop by my blog for a great giveaway of natural skincare products! http://stuffparentsneed.blogspot.com/2009/11/luxury-skincare-at-drugstore-prices.html
I have maybe 11 entries so far (*sigh*) and I am at my wits end about how to get more people to enter. I promise that the products she makes are really nice!
One more thing, I especially liked what you said about no longer commenting once you are a seriously popular blogger! Ha!
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Why the iPhone Makes Me a Happier Mom =-.
Oh, it’s “VA-ginas” I should be writing about!
I’ve been writing about angina.
I’m happily ignorant. I like to think there are 2 people reading my blog and that neither of them is genetically linked to me.
I may, in fact, write posts you can’t possibly comment on, just to keep my illusions of 2 readers seemingly real. What can I say, I’m shy.
It occurs to me this may sound sarcastic, and usually I’m being sarcastic. This is not one of those times.
.-= Jill´s last blog ..Skipping Class =-.
Oh, so that’s all it takes huh?
I’ll remember to blog a made up story about my vagina on a farm next time. Maybe I’ll get more than three readers.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..One of my worst fears is coming to fruition tomorrow afternoon =-.
I love you for this (and many more reasons). You rocked my day.