I Am A Whole Lot Of Nothing!

by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on April 17, 2012

in All About Me,And Then Some,Blogging,Earning My Keep,In the News

I’m pretty sure this is what it feels like to be a tortured artist because I have a sudden urge to cut off my ear and mail it to Oprah.

Except I’m not sure if she’s still accepting fan mail now that her OWN network has had budget cuts. My ear would probably just end up in a pile of mail where that one lonely guy in northern Canada who responds to all of the letter to Santa. Because much like Santa, Oprah is a figment of our imagination, living in the North Pole, conjured up out of Baby Jeesus’s image, now in need of free manual labor help from tiny Vulcans to respond to fan mail.

I think.

I do like my ears though; they’re one of the few body parts I don’t feel need a Body By Jake workout. For now, I’ll keep my ears intact, but if Oprah starts being successful again, my ear is hers because I’m a true tortured artist.

I’m just a girl, standing in front of the internet, wanting it to love her.

A few weeks ago, a friend referred to me as “a creative.” At first I winced at the thought of me being someone who used her creativity to make a living, but then I realized that creative people weren’t held to the same standard as those who are called “a scientist” or “a logical thinker” or “someone who made money.”

We creatives need the freedom to expand our minds to allow for juices to flow freely through our minds and out our fingers.

That’s also a line that could be used in 50 Shades of Grey, which is really just a trilogy of freely flowing juices wrapped into literary smut, snuggled into a taut, tortured billionaire’s well-oiled, well-used package.

Probably.

But unlike Christian Grey’s juices, my juices are not-so-freely flowing. My creative juices are partially dried up.

Or that’s what I thought until I slapped myself silly, took a shot of Goldschläger, and woke up to accept my place in this world as a writer.

Who am I to say I’m a writer?

This is when I thank all of the writers who have come before me who have not been financially successful (JK Rowling, you and your Harry Potter billion$ are out of the club), because without your inabilities to make money doing what we do, I couldn’t call my pretend work, “work.”

Because who can Tweet out ridiculous, self-absorbed, embarrassing-to-see-in-the-morning things like this and call it work?

I can.

Who can write an essay about the Mommy Wars, immediately regret publishing said article, think of taking the article down because she’s not confident in her ability to make sense, only to find out that essay is then referenced by my hero, Joanne Bamberger, and then quoted (and called hilarious!) in Huffington Post in a “Best of the Mom and Dad Blogs” article?

I can.

I guess it’s time for me to wake up, take another shot of Goldschläger, not send my severed ear to Oprah, dream of sharing a chimichanga with Rachel Maddow, and realize I may be good at this whole writing thing.

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Kristie April 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

You’re a wonderful writer, and deserve to call yourself as such. Nothing wrong with being a creative. All it means is that people pay you for the way you think. Same as a scientist, but more entertaining. Also, your hair beguiles me.
An Awesome post on Kristie´s blog … Bacon, jam, and other things that taste good on toast

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2 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] April 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm

YOU beguile me for using “beguile.”

Totally hot.
An Awesome post on Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s blog … Sayonara, Bitches! The Guilt Of A Stay-At-Home Mom Who Works

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3 J.R. Reed April 17, 2012 at 12:52 pm

If you’re a whole lot of nothing, I can’t imagine what it would be like if you had a little something. Nice post and *fist bump* for the rad tweets and cool blog posts and shit.
An Awesome post on J.R. Reed´s blog … Amy the Coffee Lovin Mom

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4 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] April 17, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Word up.
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5 Joules April 17, 2012 at 1:03 pm

We love you, we really love you!
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6 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] April 17, 2012 at 2:06 pm

THE LOVE! I feel it.
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7 JustinRHoffman April 17, 2012 at 3:20 pm

GET IT.
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8 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] April 17, 2012 at 4:33 pm

It’s already been gotten.

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9 Cindy April 17, 2012 at 3:37 pm

You can, you writer! You are full of the awesome! I am married to a creative so I see first hand what it is to be one. It’s a rough life, but somebody has to do it and I love that you DO IT so WELL.

Aside – on a scale of 1 to asshole, you are an anus (appropriate word used therefore only mildly narcissistic) to fall in love with your own hair. But that’s only ‘cuz I am so jealous of your curls.

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10 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] April 17, 2012 at 4:34 pm

You flatter…

Keep it up.
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11 thedoseofreality April 17, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Fantastic! So excited for you! I would have been sad if you had taken the post down, not totally because I was the first person to comment, but mostly because it was awesome.
And now you know.
OWN it!
Like how I tied it back to Oprah for you there at the end?! ;)
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12 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] April 17, 2012 at 6:05 pm

NICELY done! I love a girl who can weave Oprah into a conversation.
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13 Lucila March 7, 2014 at 1:07 pm

Really trustworthy blog. Please keep upindtag with great posts like this one. I have booked marked your site and am about to email it to a few friends of mine that I know would enjoy reading..

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14 Robin Plemmons April 17, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I’ve always thought that your blog name was a wrong fit. You have a strong voice attached to a strong opinion that is anchored in some seriously funny shit that streams through your resplendent mane of hair. That’s NOT NOOOOTHIIIIIIIING!!! (<—Oprah voice).
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15 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] April 17, 2012 at 11:32 pm

You make my heart go a-pitter-patter.
An Awesome post on Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s blog … Sayonara, Bitches! The Guilt Of A Stay-At-Home Mom Who Works

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16 Yo Mama April 18, 2012 at 1:05 am

You ARE a writer, you ARE creative, and you ARE awesome!! Great job!

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17 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] April 18, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Yeah, but you have to say that.

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18 Adela April 18, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Good day! This post could not be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!
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19 Rene Mccarty April 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Nice post. I got plenty of great information…and even chuckled a little.
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