Comments on: I Need Advice, Though I Probably Won’t Take it

By: Yolanda

Yolanda — Fri, 16 May 2008 23:17:09 +0000

This is hard. I’ve had several friends in several bad relationships. You want to be there for them, but after years and years of the same thing, the calling, the crying, the complaining, the (FINALLY!) break ups, then the getting back together. It’s a hard line. I know how emotionally draining it is to be the person who wants the best for their friend/sister/whoever. It drags you down. It is emotionally unhealthy for you. I don’t know what to say to the friend. I’ve always just been there for them, but it’s SOOOO hard!

I agree with one of your commentors (commenters?). This is an unhealthy relationship for you, and distance might be worth it.

That, or get Vinnie and Guido over there and put the hurt on someone.

Yolanda’s last blog post..the sanctity of marriage

By: Kim

Kim — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:53:16 +0000

It sounds like we have a similiar friend.. Seriously, I have a friend that drains on me so much that it has affected my personality at times. I have been friends with her since grade school. I have chosen to support and stand by her because she truly has no one else. What sucks though are the times you are made to feel bad about yourself. It is a hard spot.. esp when it is so draining on you. I can’t tell you what to do because I tend to try to save the world..

Kim’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen - Flashback

By: Jen

Jen — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:00:22 +0000

I guess people have to make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons. We just have to be there when they need us. If you’ve tried to help her see that this relationship isn’t a healthy one, then there really isn’t anything else that can be done. My brother is in a chaotic relationship right now and guess what-we just found out she is pregnant. You can imagine the lack of joy everyone is feeling. Its bad enough to watch your loved ones in an unheathy relationship, but add a baby to the mix and it is downright depressing. I’m just going to try to be positive and hope for the best.

Jen’s last blog post..Blogging For Hope: Seven Simple Ways to Save Darfur

By: justmylife

justmylife — Fri, 16 May 2008 17:55:37 +0000

Love her and let her know you are there.

I hope it is better than advice that was given to me one time. I was told to tell my friend that I would always be her friend but as long as she was with him, I could not be there for her to cry to. I couldn’t take the advice.

I did however remind her gently and often she was too good to settle for him! It took a while but she finally came around, but not before missing out on the love of her life.

Best of luck….

justmylife’s last blog post..It’s Haiku Friday…….

By: Tara R

Tara R — Fri, 16 May 2008 13:56:13 +0000

oh that’s a tough one. I’m assuming you have talked to her about it and really that’s all you CAN do. You can really only do what you would hope she would do for you if the roles were reversed.

And pray.

And cry.

And vent to your husband
Tara R’s last blog post..10 years ago

By: Colleen

Colleen — Fri, 16 May 2008 13:35:07 +0000

Ugh. I have a few friends like this. Sadly, I’m not as close with them as I have been - simply because its draining to hear them go through the same hardships AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN. The only thing I feel I can do is let them know I’m here for them - for those really bad times - and hope some day *they* make the decision to get out of the relationship.

Best of luck…

Colleen’s last blog post..Surviving high school

By: Amber Lee

Amber Lee — Fri, 16 May 2008 13:04:18 +0000

I think we’re all going to give similar advice here. We all know we can’t force good actions out of people. My every-five-minutes-mantra:

You can’t control the actions of others, but you can control your own.

It is so stupid sounding, but it keeps me sane.

Amber Lee’s last blog post..California Supreme Court decides that I can’t sell my children

By: Coleen

Coleen — Fri, 16 May 2008 11:29:19 +0000

I had to speak up on this one because of my own personal experience. I think distancing yourself from the situation is not at all unreasonable and may be the healthiest choice for you.

She’s going to continue to do what she chooses with or without your involvement. In the meantime, the toxicity of her relationship spills over into yours with her. It’s a never-ending cycle until she decides to do something about it. You can’t really help her, not really. It’s heartbreaking, I know. All you can really do is take care of you and be there when she’s ready to take care of herself.

You’ll be there when she really needs you so it’s not like you’re abandoning her. You’re just stepping back a bit, you know?

By: Xbox4NappyRash

Xbox4NappyRash — Fri, 16 May 2008 06:46:02 +0000

By the sounds of it, ‘a whole lot of nothing’.

Whether you say ‘told you so’ or not at the end is purely a personal choice.

Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..A fornication fifty-fifty

By: dysfunctional mom

dysfunctional mom — Fri, 16 May 2008 06:06:03 +0000

You just love her. dysfunctional mom's last blog post..Emotional Sucker Punch