I’m a Jewish mother with the guilt. Except I’m the mother and the guiltee. I pretty much have dual-personality disorder among other things.

by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on June 10, 2010

in Family,Fat Girl,Friends

The guilt is probably worse that the physical pain.

I’ve said a few times that I frucked up my knee trying to start the Couch to 5K running/walking program, and now I’ve found out I have to have an MRI done on it to see if I need surgery.


Exercise is stupid. And painful. And I miss it. I miss the 4 times I got to walk/exercise in the morning where I felt confident in myself and my ability to actually accomplish a goal that I set out to achieve. After the 4 times of getting up and sweaty, I actually felt a difference in myself. After being pretty much inactive for the last 15 years, starting this was my time to get back into my fighting weight and bust some fat ass.

What I’m learning now as I sit on the recliner for the 12th hour of the day as Patrick finishes the dishes from the last 2 days, is that I should have started even easier into the program. Even with it starting as easy as it could have started (90 sec walk, 60 sec run, repeat for 20 min), I should have taken it even easier by just walking for the first week. You know, cause people who get to be my size and my lack of movement need even more limitations.

*le sigh*

So that’s what has put me where I am now: on the recliner, knee propped, icing 20 min an hour unable to be the wife, mother, and housekeeper I need to be.

The official instructions from the doc: “Act like you’re lazy” which, hello? is something I’ve wished to hear for the last 33 years of my life. But when it comes down to the actuality of the situation and all that it means, it completely blows.

It sucks that I can’t push a vacuum to clean my floors.

It sucks that I can’t stand at my kitchen sink and load or unload the dishwasher.

It sucks that I can’t carry loads of laundry, move them, then fold them.

It sucks that I can’t make it to the grocery store to buy food then fix it for my family.

I never ever NEVER thought I’d think these things would suck. Ever. Never.

The absolute worst thing about injuring my knee: I won’t be able to travel to Anissa’s house next week to help her and her family.

It KILLS me. I am wrecked, gutted, flat out sad that I can’t follow through on my promise to help my friend.

I know there’s nothing more I could have done.

Except for take care of my self for the last 15 years. If I had done that, I’d be driving to Atlanta on Sunday.

Instead, I’m waiting to hear from the MRI scheduler to find out when I’ll go in to be photographed from the inside out.

It will cost my family hundreds of dollars.

If I have to have surgery (which, if I have to have the MRI, it’s pretty much a given that I’ll have to have surgery), it will cost my family even more money, and time, and frustrations, and canceled plans.

I can’t compare my injury to anything anyone else has had to go through, but I still have guilt over my part in what is happening to everyone around me.

Anissa and Peter are amazing. Forgiving. Understanding. Loving.

Patrick is beyond loving. Beyond caring. Beyond understanding. He’s been a single parent and housewife when he gets home after work. He’s amazing.

Thank you.

And now, while I sit on the internet 12+ hours a day as rest my bum knee, I need to learn how to make latkes, blintzes, and knishes.

shit … the tears again …

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Pgoodness June 10, 2010 at 10:20 pm

I’m sorry. Stupid exercise. Sucks that the words we wait so long to hear (just be lazy) come at precisely the same time we don’t want to be anymore. 🙁


2 Audrey June 10, 2010 at 10:42 pm

MRI does not necessarily equal surgery. I had an MRI on my foot, (because I frucked it up when my fat ass started exercising). I had a stress fracture, had to walk around in an ugly ass boot for six weeks, and was back to square one in terms of exercise. However, it healed. And I went back to the gym. And I’m down 20 lbs. And you will be, too!


3 Ashley June 10, 2010 at 10:48 pm

must I remind you of the horror of running that damn marathon?! exercise does suck and knee surgery sucks more (I’ve been there too). what did you do?! I hope you feel less lazy soon. hugs my friend


4 sarah June 10, 2010 at 10:49 pm

It’s amazing what we take for granted.
Your injury was not in vain. I’m 280 and I’ve been waiting to buy new sneakers to start c25k. Thanks for the warning about starting slower. Walking and yoga for me until I get the new kicks. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you don’t need surgery.
An Awesome post on sarah´s blog … Out Of The Mouths Of Babes


5 Karen June 10, 2010 at 11:05 pm

Omg! I am so sorry Ang.
An Awesome post on Karen´s blog … There is No Flipping Wagon.


6 AmazingGreis June 10, 2010 at 11:17 pm

Oh, Angie! I totally understand. I’ve got the weight and the laziness and a bum back that keeps me from walking any longer than 5 minutes without almost dying. I need an MRI, but am putting it off until after my other surgery. An MRI scares me, because an MRI means something could be surgery worthy.

I’ll keep you in my thoughts, friend.

Love you!!! XOXO
An Awesome post on AmazingGreis´s blog … Wordless Wednesday – Random iPhone Photos…


7 Alex@LateEnough June 11, 2010 at 12:18 am

I always want to be told to sit around and do nothing, but when I am FORCED? Mopping the floors looks AWESOME.

But don’t be too hard on yourself. Even elite runners hurt their knees. It’s not like you took a pipe to your knee. Right? RIGHT?
An Awesome post on Alex@LateEnough´s blog … The Next Person Who Says My Daughter Is Flirting With Him Will Be Punched


8 YoMama June 11, 2010 at 12:56 am

I wish I could be there to help you and fill your ice bag, and stroke your head (no, not that, you don’t llike your head touched,,,). I will take your girls next week as planned, if you want. I can keep them longer, if that becomes necessary. I’m so proud of you for starting the exercise program, and so sorry that you’ve hurt your knee. It was probably inevitable that you’d hurt your knee eventually. Your Dad & I only have 1 knee between us that hasn’t been operated on, and that one will be eventually. ;-} We love you and just want you to get better. hugs & kisses


9 Sandi June 11, 2010 at 2:05 am

Oh man, that completely sucks! I am so sorry that you hurt your knee.
An Awesome post on Sandi´s blog … I’m waiting for this to get easier


10 Melisa with one S June 11, 2010 at 6:28 am

Do you need me to make a house call? I make the best latkes and blintzes this side of, well, everything.

Knishes, not so much.

But I’ll trade you the knishes for a kick-ass strudel.
An Awesome post on Melisa with one S´s blog … I’ll Tell You Who He Is…He’s MY SON!


11 Mary June 11, 2010 at 9:02 am

A lot of people (like me) start fitness programs and quit. Maybe this problem will give you the incentive you need to make permanent changes later, when you are better. In the meantime, your husband and kids will be appreciating everything that you’ve done for them before your knee injury. If you are up to it, maybe you can get a couple of blogs ahead or something, while you are at the computer.

Hope you feel better soon.


12 cindy w June 11, 2010 at 11:31 am

Oh man, I’m so sorry. This does suck, no way around that. I’ll just be sitting here crossing my fingers and sending you “no surgery required” vibes. xoxo


13 anne nahm June 11, 2010 at 12:48 pm

An Awesome post on anne nahm´s blog … One of My Holes We Don’t Usually Talk About


14 Aunt Becky June 11, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Being forced to be lazy sucks. No, I get that. And a bum leg is full of suck.

P.S. Send Vicodin.
An Awesome post on Aunt Becky´s blog … Scavenge ME!


15 Anissa June 11, 2010 at 4:40 pm

all i will ever say is that you better not be having guilt on my behalf….ever. just get better, be healthy for your family, be my slave for LIFE.

i love you, girl!


16 Mandi Bone June 12, 2010 at 11:02 pm

It sucks. I hope you feel better soon.
An Awesome post on Mandi Bone´s blog … Rules are for following


17 Al_Pal June 13, 2010 at 7:38 pm

UGH. I feel you!!!! You could have the clothes brought to you & fold them while sitting…

Try to do some cardio with your arms, since your leg is so bad. Also, lying in bed you can do a full range of motion with your good leg to try to keep things in decent condition.

HUGS! Best wishes!


18 Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo June 14, 2010 at 1:53 am

I am day two out of RoboBoot.

I made cupcakes today.

And yesterday I did a ton of laundry.

It was freaking AWESOME!

Won’t be long sweetie, and then OMG you will appreciate going to the toilet without that damn brace on!
An Awesome post on Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo´s blog … How NOT to blog.


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