My poor poor husband can’t be left to pick out a gift for me on his own like he did way back in ’96 when he gave me a gold pin of Mickey Mouse to wear “you know, just whenever.”
I ask you, WHO THE EFF WEARS A PIN?
WHO THE EFF WEARS A MICKEY MOUSE PIN?
WHO THE EFF WEARS A 3-INCH-TALL GOLD-PLATED MICKEY MOUSE PIN?
I’ll tell you, not me.
“It’s the thought that counts.”
The thought that as a 20-year-old “woman” I’d want to wear a Mickey Mouse pin?
At 20-years-old all I wanted was $10, another tattoo, and a Zima.
I love my husband more than brownies. I promise I do, but he’s not the best gift-giver.
I’m SO getting in trouble for this.
And guilted.
And I’m never ever getting another gift.
I have my fatness to thank for my lack of wanting things other than food, UH DUH.
If I were 50 pounds lighter, I’d want for things from Anthropologie. I’d pretty much live in their clothes.
And Shabby Apple.
And J. Crew.
And The Gap.
In my next life, I’ll totally be a retro, vintage-y kind of chic girl.
For now, I have last-year’s chino capris that shrunk in my drawers. bygones
Shopping for things for me is no fun.
Just ask my poor poor husband.
Buying gifts for me is nearly impossible unless it includes a dinner at a place of my choosing. I’m not happy with surprises.
Anal.
But not the owchie kind.
I don’t want for expensive purses. When I do need a new one, it takes me 17 trips to 14 different stores and countless hours online searching to find the perfect one. And still, I pick the one that will look better on me when I’m 70.
I love shoes, but because of my broken food foot 3 years ago, I have to be super picky with the style.
I don’t have the space for or want to dust chatchskies tzatchkies chotsckies kick-knacks.
I do want more money, but if he gave me cash, it would just be our cash and I’d spend it on Taco Bell and blow.
The BEST surprise gift he’s ever given me: our first cruise. 5 days, just us, and he arranged for my mom to watch our girls. I gained 9 pounds, he lost 3. Asshole.
The only thing other than cashola that I still want?
A DSLR.
mama wants. mama neeeeeeeds. mama will have one day thanks to The Secret, right? RIGHT?
Mother’s Day is in 2 weeks. I’m predicting he’ll make me pancakes and coffee and give me the funniest card he can find. I will LOVE it.
And if I’m NOT lucky, a Willow Tree Mother/Daughter/Angel/Clown figurine.
{ 53 comments… read them below or add one }
Do you still have the pin? Do you wear it to Disney?
I am getting a tattoo on Wednesday for Mother’s day because that is classy.
.-= Mandi Bone´s last blog ..Trip Report =-.
totally classy.
and totally awesome.
I usually try to remark with a brush off or something witty, but not this time. You actually hurt my feelings a little bit this time.
I don’t buy you gifts because you are impossible to buy for. If you don’t pick it out, then you are disappointed. Who wants to give a gift to someone who will always be disappointed?
I am a great gift-giver, you are just not good at accepting gifts. Until you can accept the counting thought behind a gift, I’ll just give you cash or whatever other item you specifically request. It’s better than seeing you be disappointed at the thought I try to put in.
I think that pin was because you were living in Orlando majoring in hospitality management and really wanted to end up doing event planning at a Disney hotel. Also, we got engaged in 96 at Disney so I tried to put the two together for your professional suit wearing days. Lesson learned.
.-= The Husband´s last blog ..Nom nom nom =-.
awkward….
Mommy, Daddy, DON’T FIGHT!!!
.-= Melisa with one S´s last blog ..Acts of Bravery =-.
k, this totally made me laugh out loud.
Well, at least you have an awesome event all planned for Mother’s Day!
.-= Avitable´s last blog ..My Dating Deal Breakers =-.
way to go!
AWKWARD TURTLE!
Please don’t make me cry.
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..Eventually It’s All About My Belly. (Okay, so the last part has nothing to do with my belly, but HELLO!) =-.
Some people just aren’t the best gift givers. I got a vacuum cleaner for a Valentine’s Day gift when I had only been dating Amy for two years, and from that point forward I knew that I had to keep a wishlist of things I wanted and that was it. I’m the type who goes out and buys what I want when I want it, so in later years, I would just buy things, like an iPhone or the Wii or my AppleTV and just tell her that those were gifts from her to me. It worked out nicely that way.
Of course, I’m divorced now, so maybe that wasn’t the best method . . .
.-= Avitable´s last blog ..My Dating Deal Breakers =-.
ROFL, oh Adam.
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..Eventually It’s All About My Belly. (Okay, so the last part has nothing to do with my belly, but HELLO!) =-.
i got a plasma TV for last year’s mother’s day.
THAT was the 2nd most awesome gift he’s ever given me.
it may be the reason I’m still married.
too bad I didn’t mention that in the post.
Ouch. On one hand, Angie, I feel your pain. I’m hard to buy for. If there’s something that I want, I usually go out and get it for myself, leaving few things that are affordable on my want list. My parents gave up years ago and started writing checks for most holidays. It’s practical, but I love it when someone puts some thought into getting something for me. If they get it right, great. If they get it wrong, oh well.
Don’t be discouraged, Patrick. I doubt the post came from meanness. She loves you and _you_ are the best gift you can give her (well that and a new camera).
Now, you two…go hug it out.
SEE? I do love him more than anything.
I do love surprises, but I’m weirdly anal about what I want as a surprise.
See? I’m impossible.
Uh yeah, awkward. This is why I purposely give my husband the wrong url for my blog – he thinks I’m The Bloggess.
It could be worse – my husband once gave me a Bedazzler. For realz. Want one?
.-= drlori71´s last blog ..I’ve Got The Wrong Kind Of Wood To Golf At This Club =-.
i’m good without a bedazzler. kthx.
when I see “deep doodoo” I’ve just gotta stop by. Am I the only one who feels bad for Mickey in all this? Gee wilikers.
never ever feel bad for mickey. that friggin mouse gets all the tail.
That poor man should be fucking beatified.
.-= Martin´s last blog ..Coronary π =-.
he’s not dead, you dope.
Poor man can only hope…
.-= Martin´s last blog ..Coronary π =-.
I buy my own gifts. Literally, I do. If I don’t, well…BAD THINGS HAPPEN.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Go Ask Aunt Becky =-.
i LIKE that he wants to buy me something and surprise me. i just need to like what he gives me.
I’m the awful gift giver in my marriage. Husband got lyrics of a song I liked and typed out for him and a t-shirt that doesn’t fit for Christmas. He got photocopied pictures of what he would be getting a week later (I ordered them a day after his birthday) in a box. I suck.
.-= Susan @ Sassafrassery´s last blog ..A little something, a lot of nothing =-.
i have a history of really good, and really BAD gifts.
I just spent a shit-ton of money on tea and tea accessories at Teavana today. I have no idea how I’m going to justify that expense when I get home tonight. I’ll probably try to pass it off as my Mother’s Day gift. More likely it will involve me on my knees. And I won’t be down there begging for forgiveness.
.-= Holly {ArtistMotherTeacher}´s last blog ..Today I Walked for Maddie =-.
teavana can SUCK you in w/ their delicious teas. then you go to check out and realize that 2oz bag will set you back $8 EACH.
My husband once got me a seed spreader for Mother’s Day. As in, hold the damn thing in your hand, pour grass seed into it, then walk around the yard while turning the crank and grass seeds shoot out all over your lawn. I was so pissed that I didn’t talk to him for 2 days. He made up for it by buying me a Motley Crue CD. Since I’m a hair band fanatic, he was forgiven.
.-= Meg´s last blog ..Addiction =-.
k, you win.
Dear Patrick,
Your wife has now said “anal,” twice in one page in reference to her gift. Take the hint and run with it.
Ohhh… just for that, you’re getting a lightsaber for mother’s day. But it’ll be a really nice one, like the kind they sell at sharper image. Maybe like a Darth Maul dual one.
.-= BusyDad´s last blog ..To Rock =-.
Why would I give that away?
.-= Hockeyman´s last blog ..Nom nom nom =-.
now you’ve ruined christmas.
Oh gifts…
I was totally composed while reading this- until willow tree figurine. I laughed my face off.
(people keep giving them to me. hello? have they not seen the buildup of dust on my shelves? i do not want for more things to dust.)
OUCH. That hurts. I see his thought that he was going for. especially after reading his comment. but if you’re incredibly picky and know what you want, then maybe you should just pick out your own stuff from here on out?
.-= Heather´s last blog ..2 AM =-.
he likes to surprise me, so i just need to like what he gives me.
I used to have this problem with my MIL, and others in my life. Now I have a wishlist, right on the side of the blog – it includes stuff for me, and my kids. Selfish? Why, yes. But I get stuff I want, and sometimes kinda need. So it works for me. Us. Everyone.
.-= Jenn of the Roof´s last blog ..Off =-.
i just don’t WANT anything. see? i’m impossible.
Aw, poor hockeymandad…
I totally know what you mean though! I try to leave hints and more hints in hopes that I’ll get what I want and if I don’t, I try really really hard not to be disappointed. It works…sometimes…
.-= pgoodness´s last blog ..Her =-.
i need to try harder.
I’m impossible to buy for because I really don’t want a lot of ‘stuff’, just the means to get the stuff I want. And most people that I’ve given explicit descriptions to, when asked for a wish list, have completely effed it up. So, in line with the break-up with the ex, it was pretty easy to start saying – and meaning – that I didn’t want any presents from them.
The next present occasion, I kid you not, his damn mother bought me a Sesame Street Waffle Iron. And a set of the cheapest Teflon pans she could find, in a dented box, with a sticker on it that said ‘Display Only’. I’d said I didn’t want anything! She called me selfish, for not wanting to accept it, because I was depriving others of the ‘joy of giving’.
women. we’re impossible.
I could write a list. Circle EXACTLY WHAT I WANT in a catalogue. Get the cash outta the goddamn machine and HAND IT TO HIM.
And I will still get the same thing I get every year that I don’t go out and buy and FREAKING WRAP myself… ‘oh, is it Mothers Day/Your Birthday/Wedding Anniversary? I forgot. I will make up for it next year’
But I am not bitter.
Just vengeful.
see, i’ve done that, but he likes to surprise me…
I’m difficult to buy for, too – because it IS about the thought for me… but I want there to be some DEEP thought. And after a few years of “well I was going to get you this AWESOME thing, isn’t that a nice THOUGHT??” I had to clarify that it’s the ‘THOUGHT BEHIND THE FOLLOW THROUGH’ that counts.
Also? I tend to buy what I want or convince myself I don’t need it so it’s a waste of money.
Our worst gift experience as a couple was the year Jared got me a palm pilot (waaayyyy back before smart phones). He was so excited. I? Was already madly in love with my paper Franklin Covey planner.
All of THAT being said… it is, unfortunately, tough to expect someone to come up with a good gift idea for you if YOU can’t even come up with a good gift idea for you. I know, I know – I live with this reality, too – but it’s still true.
.-= Miss Britt´s last blog ..Be still, and know that I am God =-.
how do they stand us?
our poor poor mens.
i’m still giggling from the “But not the owchie kind”
.-= mel´s last blog ..Stuck =-.
you’re welcome.
Dang, lady, you ARE impossible. & I know someone who did hospitality at Disney. Heh.
Is there anything you’d USE that he can have as a standard gift-option?
Bath salts, lotion, certificate for a massage or hair salon?
Good luck, you crazy kids.
My husband, like yours, is one of the worst gift givers ever. When we were still dating, he got me flip flops, a beach towel, and suntan lotion for my birthday. In March. I lived in Indianapolis. There was 2 feet of snow on the ground.
I’ve taken it upon myself to just buy thing and tell him that’s what he bought me for my birthday/christmas/2nd Thursday of the month.
Great post! I mean, sure, it probably made your husband cry. But dang, I laughed so much!
Totally skipping over all the gift giving stuff… and going directly to clothes
Check out this http://www.theblackapple.typepad.com/somegirlswander/
seems like she’s got similar tastes and is not a Skinny Minny
I’m finally getting to the point of understanding wearing what I like now and not saving it for “when”
.-= Cranky Sarah´s most Awesome last blog ..Mother’s Day’s a bitch, no wait, my husband’s just an ASS =-.
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