It’s Patrick’s Fault When I Pretend Pull A Hamstring To Pretend Kick Him

by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on November 16, 2011

in Anxiety RULES!,Married Life

You know that 2-3 seconds after you flush the toilet when you realize it’s not flushing your deposit as it should and your brain races to find the plunger you hope is right next to the toilet because you just can’t handle cleaning up a bathroom floor covered in poo water?

If those are the 2-3 seconds most stressful seconds of my day, I’m calling that day a WIN because at least it happened at home.

I wrote yesterday about the 3 hours I wallowed without internet access that will basically throw off my routine for the next 5 days. Today, I have shit to do and it’s not even Friday. I have shit to do OUTSIDE of my house cocoon. For the normal person, this would be no big deal, yo. But I’m not a normal person; I’m a pre-pre-agoraphobic.

I’m a pre-pre-agoraphobic who likes her routine like she likes her television: on and working, and if it ain’t working, someone’s losing a throat.

So last night when I mentioned to my Dear Husband* that I “have a busy day tomorrow,” and Dear Husband* responded, “Yes, I know. You’ve only mentioned it 10 times,” I may have thought about pulling a hamstring to launch my foot up to knock out a Dear Husband* windpipe.

And then when he followed up his windpipe-losing comment by saying, “I have a busy day every day,” the list of flowers I would pick for his funeral ran through my brain.

*If I have to read “dear husband” or “DH” or “dear daughter” or “DD” or “dear son” or “DS” one more time, I swear to PETE, I’m starting a Twibbon campaign. Don’t make me do it.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jennifer November 16, 2011 at 11:39 am

Oh no he didn’t…

Those are the comments that make homicide acceptable.
An Awesome post on Jennifer´s blog … We did it again

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2 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 16, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Oh yes he did.

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3 Maniacal Mom November 16, 2011 at 12:59 pm

LOL! OMG…haven’t we all felt that way…just about every day. Why oh why oh why do men state the obvious like they are making some kind of scientific discovery of a new gene splice? Shut the hell up and just nod and smile.
An Awesome post on Maniacal Mom´s blog … Drugs and other Loves

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4 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 16, 2011 at 10:45 pm

It’s time like these when I wonder if I’d be better off a lesbian.

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5 Dear Husband November 16, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I will gladly switch who works from home and who works at an office. At least at home you can put your “clients” in timeout if they get too noisy with ridiculousness.

No need for funeral flowers, you’d probably be too busy to pick them out anyway. Unless you can buy them on Amazon of course.
An Awesome post on Dear Husband´s blog … hockeymandad: Sitting in neighborhood bistro and sublimes date rape is on. #mustnotsingalongloudenoughforkidstohear

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6 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 16, 2011 at 10:46 pm

So you’re saying you’re leaving me an Amazon gift card in your will?

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