In doing extensive research on the subject of the once-fashionable jean shorts for my sister post to the too-short shorts, I discovered the term “Jorts.” Call me a girl on this one, but I’d like to compliment the creator of the term. You, my man, are da man.
Why, you ask, am I discussing the travesty fashion of the jean shorts?
It seems, my dear tens of readers, two of my cousins believe them to be acceptable attire in mixed company. For serious.
There are still people wearing the short jean. The Jort.
Who are these people and why do they still sport the Jort?
Two of these people are my cousin and my cousin’s husband. And they DEFEND their right to wear the jean short. They are PROUD of their jean shorts. They wear them in mixed company at times of sorrow, at times of joy, and at times of togetherness.
Anytime, my friend, is not the right time for the jean short.
They may convince themselves of the convenience or comfort or stylish looks of the Jort, but they need a visit from the Fashion Fairy and a healthy serving of knuckle sandwich.
Most Jorts wearers also don a Mullet (the hairdo, not the fish) as seen in the pictures available here. (My cousins may be the exception to the rule.)
Also perplexing is the propensity to TUCK in the printed t-shirt IN TO the Jorts all-pulled-together by a braided belt loosely knotted and flipped around (as cousin #1 exhibits).
The Jorts fashion is limited to the proud and true 50 States as I’ve never witnessed any other non-AmeriCAN in all of my 19 days of overseas travel donning the Jorts. If any of you exotics have spotted the Jorts in your local pub, be sure to snap a pic for posterity.
Even though I am a Florida native, I am NOT a Florida (UF) fan. (GO NOLES!) So imagine my elation when I discovered that UF fans actually LIKE wearing jean shorts and do it on purpose. How apropos that the the lowest of the low Floridiots would WANT to wear Jorts.
Lastly, I am inspired by the blog, Stuff White People Like, and I am going out of a limb and proclaim that black people DO NOT WEAR JORTS. None. Not one. This is a white boy phenomenon. I am challenging you, my tens of readers, to link to me a photo of a black man wearing Jorts.
Disclaimer: Jorts do not fall in the same definition as hip hop baggy man capris normally worn by young black men. Jorts are mainly stone- or acid-washed denim adorned with a belt and tucked-in shirt. I’m talking JORTS here, peeps.
Find me a black man in Jorts and you got yourself a $10 gift certificate to my store. (Limited to 2 gift certs in case I’m totally wrong in this.)
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UPDATE:
Angela @ goinpopless is the 1st to submit a black man in Jorts:
Anyone else? 1 more gift certificate left!
oh I am so on the lookout. My husband cut off a pair of nasty jeans and worn them as his “painting/project weekend shorts” last sumer while we were finishing the basement. Pictures of him working made it on my blog and I got soooo many comments on his jorts. long live the jort!
ellinghouse’s last blog post..Go ahead, get Glamorous girl…..
Well I found this pic on the web:
http://www.arlingtonpd.org/MediaRelease/Attachments/2007/Target%20robber%20photo%201.jpg
Does that count?
Summer’s last blog post..Being a Mother
And shes back folks!
I am on the hunt..
That mullet picture is totally sexy. I want to date him.
Kim’s last blog post..Ad-libbing Uncencored
Those are frightening.
Tootsie Farklepants’s last blog post..I Upped my Mom Status to Rad
I see them in one particular place - camp. I usually see “jorts” when all the cargo shorts are dirty, and the boys need something to wear in the middle of the woods. It does tend to go with chacos and a braided belt.
Now, my ex, he just wore them. But I’m also almost certain he tucked his tshirt before he went to bed. He’s that anal.
Amber Lee Peace’s last blog post..100 Random Things About Me #3
I actually couldn’t read that since my eyes were bleeding.
Must make you feel so proud and patriotic…
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..“And here is the opening to your uterus”
I freaked that there was an entire round of Jorts in the mens department at Target..
No..black men don’t wear jorts..well maybe Bill Cosby did…
mp’s last blog post..Why can’t everyone be normal??
My husband has Jorts in his dresser and that is where they stay. He never wore them, you just can’t give away gifts and I am a pack rat, so they may be there years from now. Love the mullet guy, where’d you find that pic? No doubt he is from the south, I have neighbors who look alot like him.
justmylife’s last blog post..Another day, another rant.
I think I rid my husband’s closet of those a few years ago. It took me until last year to get his light blue jeans thrown out. He didn’t believe me when I told him they had to go. Then a friend of ours came up to him and said “Hey Sean, the 90’s called, they want their jeans back!” They were gone the next day. Sometimes it takes a village.
Patty’s last blog post..I want my own room
LOL - I use to have jorts just like those
Jorts are wrong, but I do remember black friends of mine, where I grew up, who wore them.
The Dude in the Jorts, with his T-shirt tucked in, and the belt and the cooler.
Where did you get that picture of my husband!!?
Little Miss Sunshine State’s last blog post..There Will Be A Roadtrip
These are fabulous pictures — though Xbox’s comment is the best and really unsurpassable. Thank you for the hilarity.
MommyTime’s last blog post..Distractions, Distractions…
Ok….my husband wears them too! The shame…..the humility….. He had the mullet going on too. You should see our wedding pics!
I did find this little jewel out there in webland
http://www.allposters.com/View_HighZoomResPop.asp?apn=1239511&imgloc=12-1277-KBNT000Z.jpg&imgwidth=671&imgheight=895
But he’s not normal!
Angela’s last blog post..Sold on the Pedegg!!
Great post. My step dad wears them. Now, I think there is a difference in a hemmed Jort and a cut off Jort but that is just me. Personally, I never want to see a hemmed jort but if out camping or in that type of atmosphere one pulls out their cut off jeans (not to be confused with daisy dukes, I am talking proper length here) my senses are not repulsed.
Toni’s last blog post..Picking Grass
Love your blog! Anyways, if you liked the pic that was sent to you by Angela, how about streaming video of almost the same thing? You mentioned black guys in jean shorts and I instantly thought of this guy. Gotta love Dave Chappelle for doing this!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=qPKzSGxXmFs
Enjoy!
JORTS are not for every guy. In my view, unless you are height/weight proportionate, rather tall, muscular and are attractive in the eyes of most female on- lookers, jorts are best left unworn. Otherwise, they can add insult to injury and be downright unflattering. Most cannot pull off wearing cut off jorts in particular. The thing to remember is that some people like that laid back, don’t give a damn, redneck look even if the wearer has a college degree. To some, fashion can be the absence of fashion. I wear cutoff JORTS on occasion. They-re former carpenter jeans so they’re not tight nor overly baggy, just slighly loose. I cut them rather low, just above the knee. I keep the frays trimmed up, no one foot threads blowing in the wind. Yep, I add insult to injury by wearing a wife beater too. Why not, I work hard several days in the gym to look good so why shouldn’t I show off my work. But hey, most importantly, my girl likes the look and I feel relaxed and comfy. As for hemmed JORTS, very few are acceptable but try URBAN PIPELINE at Kohl’s. Obviously people are wearing them regardless of what I or anyone else thinks else they wouldn’t be producing so many for sale in Dept stores. Wear what you like, just look good in it.