Justin Bieber Is The Renesmee To My Jacob

by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on June 21, 2012

in All About Me,Farts and Other Stuff,Mama Likes

If you’re unfamiliar with the touching storyline of Jacob Black imprinting on Renesmee Cullen, you may not understand any of what I’m going to say.

I’ll try to explain.

At some point in their lives, the werewolf Quileute tribespeople LaPush in Washington state will imprint on another person who will then become their lifelong protector. And probably their soul mate and eventual lover. Bu that’s really up for debate.

For the duration of the four Twilight books, Jacob seeks out the subject of his imprintation. He stalks random women in parks, afraid that in his long 18 years of life, he’s yet to find the subject on which to spurt his soul’s desire. It’s not something he can choose; it’s something innate in his DNA that will form a pair-bond and no one shall tear asunder.

It’s fictional biology. Don’t question it.

Also, it’s been 4 years since I read the book, so the details may be muddled.

Near the end of Breaking Dawn, the 4th Twilight installment, Bella and Edward’s 1/2 vampire-1/2 human love child, Renesmee eats her way out of Bella’s womb, and is born as the most beautiful 1/2 vampire-1/2 human baby ever to live. A few days after her birth, her accelerated growth rate has turned her into a toddler, then quickly into a young child.

And that’s when Jacob gets up the courage to go see the supernatural spawn.

And that’s when Jacob’s DNA takes over and spurts imprintation all over Renesmee.

And that’s when all of us freaks who understand that it’s not a sex thing, but rather a life-long guardian thing, and that Jacob will forever be Renesmee’s protector and probable adult lover.

Just like René Angélil and Céline Dion.

And that’s exactly what happened with me and Justin Bieber.

He may now be legal, but from afar, I want only to protect and defend him. I want to watch over his blossoming career, enjoying what he has to offer the world, all while seeing him as the subject of my spurts of imprintation.

I’m holding off on seeing him as the subject of my carnal desires for at least another 5 years so that he has the chance to get over 150 pounds. I need for my fantasy menfolk to be able to realistically hold me up when they spurt their imprintations on me.

For now, Justin Bieber will be the Renesmee to my Jacob, the subject of my DNA’s protective desires. It’s totally not creepy.

Twilight image credit Entertainment Weekly; Bieber image credit Island Records

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Fanny June 21, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Thank you for putting my feeling into words. Because it would really be awkward to admit I have a crush on the same boy as my 6 year old girl. Awkward.

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2 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] June 23, 2012 at 10:40 am

I’m just happy my girls like him so I get to go all FanGirl and watch when he’s on TV.
An Awesome post on Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s blog … Yet Again, More Smut Book Recommendations PLUS Revealing My Favorite Character

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3 Wendy June 21, 2012 at 9:27 pm

what she said lol

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4 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] June 23, 2012 at 10:41 am

Aw yeah.
An Awesome post on Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s blog … Yet Again, More Smut Book Recommendations PLUS Revealing My Favorite Character

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5 Amy June 22, 2012 at 7:12 am

Wait, does that mean Bella dies? Please tell me Bella Dies. I mean, the part is acted like she’s been dead since the first second of the first film…
An Awesome post on Amy´s blog … Rounding Up the Tip to Win Favor in Restaurants

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6 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] June 23, 2012 at 10:41 am

NO SPOILERS. You’ll have to watch and see.
An Awesome post on Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s blog … Yet Again, More Smut Book Recommendations PLUS Revealing My Favorite Character

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7 Sharon June 22, 2012 at 7:48 am

I feel the same way about Zac Efron. I’m pretty sure the day I imprinted was the day he got his photo taken as he walked along a beach topless.
An Awesome post on Sharon´s blog … Feed Your Kids Real Food

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8 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] June 23, 2012 at 10:44 am
9 Lori June 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Dying laughing over here!

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10 AngieM. July 3, 2012 at 1:24 pm

i’m sorry, i had to turn down the volume..i was playing justin’s new CD.

ok, YES!!! i totally feel the same exact way!!!! i’m taking my kid to see him in october…i don’t know who’s more excited.

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