KILL IT WITH FIRE

by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on June 30, 2012

in Farts and Other Stuff,Living In Florida,Pictures

That’s the only appropriate response to seeing this photo of the bizarre spider we found in our Florida yard today. *update below*

*TRIGGER ALERT*

Thanks to @gikkt on Twitter for doing the research for me, because there’s no way in Sweet Baby Jeesus’ Happy Daycare Land that I’d be looking up spider species.

This is a Jewelled Spider and it can clearly eat your face off.

*UPDATE: The people of The Twitter are telling me it’s called a Shiny Orb-Weaver spider, but I see neither orbs nor shiny, and I don’t like doing Google searches for “spider species” any more than I like scrubbing county fair port-o-potty toilets with a toothbrush.

*2nd UPDATE: And apparently, I didn’t care enough to check it out for myself, but it’s a SPINY Orb-Weaver. So, it does have spiny things, but I see no orb. And now I know way too much about spiders.

I feel like creepy crawlies are making their way up and down my legs, which may be true, but this asshole Jewelled Spider is making it worse.

I’ll be taking a blowtorch to my yard.

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Little Miss Sunshine State June 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I thought it was called a Spiny Orb Weaver. We had a web near our front door but the neighbor kids knocked it down.

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2 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] June 30, 2012 at 8:34 pm

I’m just too creeped out to respond properly.

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3 Glitter Dunn June 30, 2012 at 1:08 pm
4 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] June 30, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I am 100% not clicking those links.

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5 Krystal June 30, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Oh my gawd!!!! That made me want to cry just looking at the picture! I am soooo happy for once that I do not live anywhere near Florida!

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6 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] June 30, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Florida is pretty much the Australia of weird bugs.

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7 Meghan June 30, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I just googled…it’s also known as a SPINY orb-weaver…not a shiny orb-weaver.

That makes more sense now, doesn’t it?
An Awesome post on Meghan´s blog … The Thing I’m Not Sorry About. At All.

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8 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] June 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I updated the post again. Also, WHY ARE YOU LOOKING UP THESE THINGS?

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9 Nanette June 30, 2012 at 2:42 pm

GAH! That looks like something out of a Nintendo game, like King Koopa, but not nearly as cute.

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10 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] June 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

If it were pixelated, I could totally see your point.

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11 Kristin July 1, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Ugh I feel your pain, I also live in Florida and my husband just had to kill a brown widow, and her SEVEN egg sacs that were just chilling in the grooves of our sliding glass door. I made him poor chlorine on all the little beat up egg sacs to ensure that they were all dead.

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12 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] July 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm

We have big brown spiders that crawl across our living room floor, and sometimes, the bitches have 1000s of babies that scatter when I squish them.
An Awesome post on Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s blog … 7 Things I Think You Might Enjoy

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13 Kristin July 2, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Hairspray, aerosol to be specific will stop mom and all her babies on their tracks.

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14 Our Theory on Life July 1, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Okay, I hate spiders, but that one actually is pretty cool looking, as long as I can watch it from my computer here in Missouri.

Did you find out if the spider is poisonous? And if it is, definitely smash that thing until you can no longer tell what it is.

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15 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] July 2, 2012 at 5:05 pm

It’s not poisonous, but that doesn’t make it any better to know they’re in my yard.
An Awesome post on Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s blog … 7 Things I Think You Might Enjoy

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16 Angie Uncovered July 2, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I felt panic and almost cried looking at it. I am not normally such a big sissy, but that shit is scary and wrong. Now sleep will be scary tonight. :(
An Awesome post on Angie Uncovered´s blog … Girl Crush Revealed: Celebrating Sex Appeal

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17 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] July 2, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Imagine it being in your yard.

I KNOW.
An Awesome post on Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s blog … Today, My Daughter Became A Gaming Feminist

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18 Lori July 11, 2012 at 1:01 pm

That’s the scariest spider I’ve ever seen.
An Awesome post on Lori´s blog … The Fountains

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19 Loco YaYa July 16, 2012 at 3:56 pm

i just have to throw in there. at first when i saw it…it reminded me of Friday the 13th.

yes.

it reminds me of Jason’s hockey mask. you are welcome.
An Awesome post on Loco YaYa´s blog … Mid Life Acceptance

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20 mizushui8836 January 19, 2013 at 12:21 pm

Just want to mention that I think the reason for the word “orb” in the name is to say that it’s the abdomen that is spiny. Sorry to sound gross, but think of it like the slang word for testicles… Those aren’t exactly “ball” shaped, but that is what people call them. So I think the name is just calling the spider’s abdomen an orb.

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