That’s the only appropriate response to seeing this photo of the bizarre spider we found in our Florida yard today. *update below*
@alotofnothing CHRIST ON A BIKE, KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!
— Miss Banshee (@missbanshee) June 30, 2012
Thanks to @gikkt on Twitter for doing the research for me, because there’s no way in Sweet Baby Jeesus’ Happy Daycare Land that I’d be looking up spider species.
This is a Jewelled Spider and it can clearly eat your face off.
*UPDATE: The people of The Twitter are telling me it’s called a Shiny Orb-Weaver spider, but I see neither orbs nor shiny, and I don’t like doing Google searches for “spider species” any more than I like scrubbing county fair port-o-potty toilets with a toothbrush.
*2nd UPDATE: And apparently, I didn’t care enough to check it out for myself, but it’s a SPINY Orb-Weaver. So, it does have spiny things, but I see no orb. And now I know way too much about spiders.
I feel like creepy crawlies are making their way up and down my legs, which may be true, but this asshole Jewelled Spider is making it worse.
I’ll be taking a blowtorch to my yard.