Lock up your daughters and put the fear of castration in your sons.
Save them from being broken like I was.
Yesterday was a revelation of sorts, even if it was jut a revelation in my own mind. I was manipulated, and I let it happen. Yes, I was only a teenager, but I still let it happen.
I was weak like that.
Luckily, I’m stronger now that it’s been 18 years.
My sister read the post yesterday. I didn’t want her to and warned against any family members from reading, but she’s a masochist and read anyway.
I’m glad she did.
Now she wants to maim the asshole who hurt me 18+ years ago.
I told her a few things about what he did. It was never physical, but the mind-fuck games he played were longer lasting.
I was 15.
He would kiss me.
He would touch me.
He would tell me I wasn’t his girlfriend.
He wouldn’t kiss me if other people were around.
He didn’t want me around when other people were.
He would laugh at me when I cried.
He would say he was coming to my house and then didn’t.
He would tell me to come to his house and then not be there.
He would tell me he liked my friends.
He would tell me he wanted my sister.
He would tell me I was stupid.
He would tell me I was gullible.
He would pinch the fat on my near-anorexic hips.
He would tell me he wanted a girlfriend with a flatter stomach.
He left for two weeks to visit family, promising to call but never did.
He came back and told me he gave up his virginity to his cousin.
I gave him mine to keep his attention.
A year later, he laughed in my face and told me how stupid I was for believing him when he told me he had slept with his cousin.
A year after that, he called me to his dorm room, paid me the attention I wanted on the floor of his living room, then told me to leave.
It was the last time I saw him.
I was 18.
HE saved me. HE has loved me. HE has loved me longer than I have loved him, but only by a few weeks. HE still likes to hold that over me, always teasing.
HE hates him.
HE hates him for the mess of me he left for HIM.
18 years later, and I still cry over the mind-fuck, even though he no longer has any power over me. He had power over the girl I was.
I am no longer that beautiful girl.
I am no longer broken.
HE loves me, and I love HIM more.
Today is our 14th wedding anniversary. Today, this needed to come out for me. It is released and out and I will no longer shed a tear because of him.
My parents did nothing wrong; I was who I was. I don’t blame them for any of that. I thank them for allowing me to figure things out on my own.
I will do everything in my power to protect my daughters from boys like him. I need to show them that his kind of attention won’t be needed.