Ode to My Ass
Part 2 in a series of Odes to my body parts. Check out the first in the series, Ode to My Toes. Or don’t. Whatever. Kiss my ass.
Speaking of asses, mine is one of particular girth.
Badunkadunk, if I may. Junk in my trunk. Milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard. Round thing in your face.
I have my mother’s ass. GASP
I realized I had her ass as my rear a few years ago as I was walking by a mirror and was checkin my hotself out happened to catch a glance at my arse. I took a double-take.
My Mother’s Ass
Is now my ass.
Filled with cheese
Will bring men to their knees.
Shimmies and shakes
Mens put on their brakes.
Exit point of my poo
Will swallow up your shoe.
Wider than it is tall
Will protect me in a fall.
Never in a photograph
Ready to make young boys laugh.
Can you couplet your ass?
We’ll make it a contest. Submit your best couplet about your ass in the comments below by Sunday, March 8th, and we’ll vote next week. The winner will receive a $20 gift certificate to my store. Open to everyone. Multiple entries allowed. heh…
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Bootay Ode
Flat as a board
My ass is no reward!
No junk in my trunk
My ass? It’s pre-shrunk.
Nick-named Sarah-no-ass;
my butt’s only got a small crevasse.
Fitting pants is hard because
my butt needs some extra lard.
I’ve got hips to birth kids
but for extra booty I’m taking bids.
Sarahs last blog post..Hernia-gate
You? Are amazing.
Marias last blog post..love is natural
LOL Thank you!
Never thought my lack of ass would make me amazing!
Sarahs last blog post..Hernia-gate
Girl you got it goin’ on, he said.
At the gay bar. Dread.
When she dubbed it
the national park, I thought, “Shit.”
And now, some free verse.
Why are there stretch marks there.
I didn’t carry the fucking baby in my ass.
Marias last blog post..love is natural
The free verse part is my favorite!
Sarahs last blog post..Hernia-gate
BWAHAHAHA! You should have submitted just the free verse part. Its PERFECT!
Colleen – Mommy Always Winss last blog post..Eat at Bob’s
My ass is too big for the rest of me.
It is a picture of my family history.
Mom and grandma, also wide
Makes me want to run and hide
It’s so much bigger than my waist.
Is that a cake? Can I please taste?
Little Miss Sunshine States last blog post..Ice Cream, You Scream
I love it! Here’s mine:
I like to complain about the size of my ass
‘Cause it really is getting obscene.
But I have to admit that the weight of its mass
Can be blamed on no one but me.
Though I torture and sweat and constantly work out
To make that thing firm and delicious,
It’s my diet, I know, with out any doubt
That needs to be far more nutritious.
It bulges, it shakes, it’s a lumpy hot mess
That causes me daily chagrin.
When I was younger, I’d never have guessed
That I’d resemble a damn bowling pin.
But at the end of the day, when I’m sitting to rest,
There’s padding to soothe me for sure.
Though my ass may be ample, I won’t get distressed.
Until I can’t fit through the door.
Monniks last blog post..Memories
My butt ain’t perfect
But I can work it
Not too big and not too small
I think its my favorite curve of all
Looks pretty good in the right jeans
Smells good, too, cept when I eat beans
Um, that’s all I got.
Colleen – Mommy Always Winss last blog post..Eat at Bob’s
Having read the above, I am aware I have already lost this thing before I even enter.
Momo Falis last blog post..Tatiana
Thank gawd it’s not just me.
I so can’t even begin to enter, not after reading that.
big girth or not you’re not prepared to show it… gives us all a laugh. Mind you … you’d have to trim the title of your site – to – awholelotof…
Smack it … very appropriate
Adwords Mans last blog post..Stunning Photoshop Text Effects Tutorials | PSD Tuts
When SWMBO lets out her occasional comment about my ass, I tell her to remember, “you can’t drive a railroad spike with a tack hammer.”
lceels last blog post..The Kid – front to back
This is all outstanding…and very poetic! Might I suggest some visits to the newly launched Web site dedicated to Lard Butts — http://www.lardbutt.com.
Keep writing the goods!