Paranoid for no good reason? Or am I just narcissistic?

by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on April 7, 2011

in Farts and Other Stuff,That's So Gay

I tend to try not to ruffle feathers or upset people. It’s that complex I have about not wanting people to hate me. Controversy is not my friend, nor is it something I seek out to make my friend.

I’m hoping this post doesn’t upset anyone who reads it. That’s completely not my point.

I’m guessing this is why my palms are sweaty and my heart is fluttering … or maybe I forgot my meds and vitamins today. [p.s. yes i did.]

You know I love the gays, right? I have a few gay boyfriends, a couple of lesbian friends, and my next marriage will be to a woman.

Yes, I love the gays.

Today, I’m wearing my purple “Legalize Gay: Repeal Prop 8 Now” t-shirt. It’s one of my favorite shirts just for the pretty color alone. *ooh shiny* Plus there’s all that positive political movement stuff that goes with the it, but the color is pretty on me.

Is it wrong for me to feel nervous when I wear the shirt out in public?

Because I do.

Maybe I’m paranoid to think people are making judgements about me or thinking less about me or even thinking about me at all as I walk my daughter into her preschool classroom.

But I feel proud.

I’m proud that I have this shirt and I wear it with pride. I wouldn’t have bought it a year ago or still wear it every few weeks if I didn’t like it or feel proud when I walk around in public with my Legalize Gay shirt on.

I also feel like I’m wrong for thinking people are judging me for supporting gays or that I’m gay.

Is it because I’m a lilly white girl who grew up in a lilly white middle class community, living in a different lilly white middle class community where I am the majority?

Middle Class
2.5 Kids

The Epitome of Average

Is this feeling I get when I walk past people while wearing my shirt a micro-feeling of what anyone who is not The Epitome of Average feels on a daily basis?

Am I paranoid?

Am I just too White America Average to even consider that I could ever feel what anyone who is not The Epitome of Average encounters?

Or should I shut up and realize I’m paranoid for no reason?

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

1 LAB April 7, 2011 at 12:24 pm

I feel the same way! Being part of the group that most of America considers “normal” (white, middle-class, straight, married) makes me appreciate how hard it must be for people who have to fight just to be who they are.

You wear that shirt with pride – and if somebody with a small mind and a big mouth smarts off to you….you have my encouragement to smack ’em upside the head!

P.S. Love the new head shot!
An Awesome post on LAB´s blog … Dont Poke the Bear


2 Andie April 7, 2011 at 12:34 pm

It is wrong that you feel that way.. not because YOU’RE wrong, but because the fact you feel this way is a reflection of all things wrong with society. It’s a sign of society’s brokenness that anyone would feel nervous about making a stand, even through something as simple as a (fabulous, I might add) t-shirt.

Keep it up though. It’s all these simple statements that add up and help to make things right.
An Awesome post on Andie´s blog … What did Nicholas Cage Ever Do To You


3 Megan April 7, 2011 at 12:37 pm

I don’t think you’re paranoid; good for you for wearing it anyway. People probably are looking at you, but that’s the point, isn’t it? They will make assumptions about you, but those assumptions won’t be true, will they? Unless they assume that you just love the gays and think all people should have the same regardless of whom they want to spend their lives with. That’s a true assumption.

When I was in college, I took a class called “Execptional People.” It was focused on making us more sensitive to those with disabilities of all kinds. One of the very first assignments was to wear a sign or t-shirt that said, “I Am Different” around campus for an entire day. Anyone who had gone to the school for five minutes knew exactly what was going on, but they stared at you anyway. Some even pointed. You totally got the idea. So yeah, you’re getting a taste of what someone else goes through every day. Not a bad thing, I don’t think.

You’re doing good. That’s all you need to know. 🙂
An Awesome post on Megan´s blog … Arch


4 cindy w April 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm

I think it’s normal to wonder a little bit about what others think when you’re making a political statement. Yesterday at the playground I chatted with a very nice old man who was there with his granddaughter, and we both left at the same time, and yeah, I wondered what he thought about my car’s Obama bumper sticker.

But I’m proud of you for wearing that shirt. Good on ya. 🙂


5 Cort April 7, 2011 at 2:56 pm

I do the same thing. I walk the line between not wanting people to judge me and wanting them to question me about my shirt. Being in a 95% white, middle class, conservative community you can’t help but feel that you have to watch your back when making statements. Any statements.


6 Mrs. Tuna April 7, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Hard not to feel like everyone is staring at you but good job anyway. People mostly stare at me because I’ve accidentally tucked my skirt into my pantyhose.
An Awesome post on Mrs. Tuna´s blog … Punish the Wicked


7 Jennifer April 7, 2011 at 3:59 pm

I live in an area where I’m probably 90% more liberal than most of my neighbors and I describe myself as middle of the road. I don’t think you are paranoid, and I don’t think I am either. I think sometimes we are being judged when we post what we think or feel or walk around proudly in our t-shirts (or whatever method we use to express ourselves). But then I don’t really care very much what other people think so it doesn’t really matter. I say wear it proud and screw the judgy people.
An Awesome post on Jennifer´s blog … Keeping Up


8 Robin April 7, 2011 at 9:03 pm

First of all, I want that shirt. Where did you get it?

Second of all, if I saw you in that shirt and didn’t know you, I would probably just think you were Gay or had a family member or friend that was Gay and were supporting them….no biggie. I would wear my damn shirt anyway and fuck the haters.
An Awesome post on Robin´s blog … Window


9 Mandi Bone April 7, 2011 at 9:05 pm

I have a shirt that says “Some Chicks Marry Chicks Get Over It” And I have had questions about it. So you are not paranoid.
An Awesome post on Mandi Bone´s blog … Happy Birthday Gigi


10 Carolyn (temysmom) April 7, 2011 at 11:50 pm

How sad that in this day and age we have to even be having this discussion. You wouldn’t need a shirt if gay marriage would just be legal already. Honestly, gay people aren’t hurting anybody – they just want to be able to have all the rights that heterosexual people have. What the hell is the problem with that? If some people don’t agree with it – so what – don’t agree with it – but for God’s sake, make it legal and let’s move on with the issues that DO effect us all.


11 Riayn April 8, 2011 at 4:24 am

I’m gay, but I very rarely wearing clothing that identify me as gay as some people like to do some not very nice things if they think you are gay. Therefore, I don’t think you’re paranoid instead you are aware of how society treats people who are not ‘average’.
I’m all for being loud and proud, which I am on occasion, but I’m also for knowing when it isn’t safe to be loud and proud.
However, in a white middle class community where probably the worse that’s going to happen is a few death stares and a couple of comments – be loud and proud! Challenge those homophobic assholes who live among us.
Also ‘the gays’ love knowing that some of ‘the straights’ love and support us. 🙂
An Awesome post on Riayn´s blog … Improving My Listening Skills


12 Al_Pal April 10, 2011 at 2:34 pm

I feel you. Once, we were at a music festival in MN, and since I love rainbows, I’d bought a rainbow knit cap, and wore it with my hair tucked up under one night…I didn’t notice, but my man said that people were looking in a way that suggested they were wondering, or unconsciously gender-policing. *shrug* This was primarily a jam-rock festival, so I didn’t have to worry about my safety or anything, but I guess I might think twice about wearing that in a super-conservative community. Which is sad. ;/


13 Clea April 11, 2011 at 2:36 am

Too cool post! I say, wear whatever the F you want; other than one’s employer, no one has a right to imply that you should or shouldn’t wear what you want. I live in a similar demographic, and you know what? We all pretty much agree that gay marriage should be legalized.

My bet: when people see that shirt, like 90% are thinking, “that shirt is awesome.”


14 chrisinphx April 28, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Angie! Stumbled across you via everyone’s favorite Aunt Becky. Love your blog, and as a fellow gay let me say thank you. It takes some balls to stand up for your beliefs sometimes and I appreciate knowing your out there rocking the hell out of that shirt.


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