This is gonna be not-so-pretty, so if you’re from a family that doesn’t discuss poo and other bodily functions, especially when sick, then skip this post. Come back later for the cute Wordless Wednesday post.

For the 2nd time in 2 months, I have strep throat. The last time, I had it for a week before I saw the doc because it was just an annoying sore throat. Well, my tens of friends, this time, it put me on my ass. Knocked me out. Landed me on the couch and on the crapper.

This time, I, thank GOD, had a doc appt immediately. This strep is the kind of strep that you don’t wish on your worst enemies. Not even Dick Cheney. Although… with that bad heart of his would put Pelosi in office… Hmmmm… I digress.

I woke up Sunday morning with a tickle in my throat, but with the stuffy/runny nose I’d had for 3 days, I figured it was just an upper resp infection or allergies or dry air. I made it through the day, but felt worse late Sunday night. Monday morning, I woke up feeling craptastic. Not horrible, but my throat hurt enough for me to ask HockeyMan to come home as soon as possible b/c The Boss wasn’t going to school. I took Trouble to school, but kept The Boss home b/c we were still waiting for her strep test to come back. (BTW - Why is it that the walk-in clinic has the rapid strep test, but the Otolaryngologist/ENT does not?)

Trouble’s teachers were kind enough to tell me I looked like ass, but in a nice church lady kind of way. Gee. Thanks. You just verified that I look as crappy as I feel.

By 11am, I was begging HockeyMan to run home b/c The Boss was “bothering” me wanting me to “parent” her. I’m not sure how a 3-year-old bothers me, but at that point, I didn’t care what she needed - it was bothersome.

Being the Dad of the Year and Husband of the Year that he is, HockeyMan was home by 12. And not a moment too soon.HockeyMan and The Boss left on an excursion and to fetch Trouble and left me on the couch to rest. And that’s when it came.

**Note to my tens of readers and myself: If you even THINK you may be sick (barf, upchuck, throw up, vomit), get to the bathroom ASAP.**I did not listen to that inner voice telling me to run to the crapper. No - I threw up all over myself and the couch. N.A.S.T.Y. and not in the Janet Jackson kind of way. Not one barf - two.

What am I thinking in the process? “Damn - I just turned over these cushions to make it look like a semi-new couch. Now I have my own barf stains to welcome my friend’s asses. Do not tell any one of my friends that I have puked on this couch.” Yes, all of that went through my head in about the 5 seconds it took to not get to the toilet.

I felt better, but I had to clean up all of my own puke, which if you’ve never done it before, really sucks. I felt better though! I covered the couch and laid back down and descended into an afternoon/evening of in-and-out of consciousness, eating oatmeal (which, I fixed myself - I have no idea how), and frightening my children. They don’t like sick people.

HockeyMan finally made me go to bed, but I could barely move, scared that I’d repeat the earlier experience of barfing on myself. I finally made it to the bathroom with his help, and proceeded to puke up the remainder of my guts, along with some dry-heaving. I DO NOT recommend dry-heaving with strep throat unless you enjoy the feeling of hot serrated knives being slowing inserted into your throat. In that case, get some therapy.

HockeyMan gave me a magic pill that put me right to sleep. I slept until 11am this morning barely waking to greet/scare my children.

Did I mention he’s Dad AND Husband of the Year?

I’ll leave my heart-warming story for now, but there are many more details I’m leaving out for another day. I know you can’t wait…