We all know the standard reasons why people want to have children: undying love, smiles when you enter the room, looking at the world through their eyes. You know, the good stuff you expect.

I love it. I love my girls. I love everything my girls provide for me.

Once your have your kids, there are benefits you didn’t know you were going to reap when you produced the kidlets. Benefits that are primarily for your own comfort and enhance your life.

1) Fetching beers – Shortly after your kids start walking, you can start teaching them how to open and close the refrigerator. It’s important to teach the kids to CLOSE the door so you don’t have to get up off your arse to close it. That’s kind of the whole point of having the kids get the beer in the first place.

2) Scratching your back – This is a surprisingly tough one to teach because it requires focus. In the beginning, the kids only 1/2-ass scratch then stop after 2-3 seconds. Major tease. As they get a bit older, you can use motivators (ie. toys, candy, money) to encourage longer back scratching sessions.

3) Snacks in the house – It’s not like you don’t have snacks in the house before kids, but when you have kids, you don’t feel as guilty for having them. Snacks in the house for kids are important for preventing tantrums, bribery, and creating commercial memories (see: Oreo commercials).

4) Testing the macaroni & cheese at all restaurants – Before kids, you never ever order macaroni & cheese as a main dish. If it’s a specialty with gruyère or nutmeg, then of course it’s acceptable to order. However, ordering mac & cheese as your main dish at a restaurant is not the norm. When you have kids, you get to test all of the mac & cheeses at all kid-friendly restaurants. My favorite so far is California Pizza Kitchen.

5) Appreciation of a good nap – There is NO WAY IN THE FRIGGIN WORLD you can understand the importance of a good nap (yours and theirs) without having kids.

What are your unknown benefits to having kids?