I’m going to start by saying I’m not a prude when it comes to other people’s bodies. For my own body, I cover up and shut up. No one wants to see what’s going on under my unstylish clothes.

As a mother to two young girls, I may now be more conscious about how much skin they see on adult bodies than I used to be. But I think I’ve always been a bit less than liberal with what I think should be shown in public.

I think boobs are boobs, butts are butts, and privates are, well, meant to be private.

My own belief that women have choices with how we treat and present our own bodies is kind of a contradiction to how I feel about the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue featuring 19-year-old Kate Upton.

I don’t think it’s an appropriate cover to be on display in every bookstore, magazine rack, and as a massive billboard in Times Square.

Shocking to read from me, I know.

Girlfriend has a hot body, there’s no doubt. Great boobs, great stomach, great everything.

But I struggle with being OK seeing a bikini bottom so small that it looks to be one millimeter away from seeing Ms. Upton’s Front Butt.

While I don’t feel comfortable with this cover being everywhere for everyone to see, I’m very much OK with David Beckham’s H&M manties ad.

Though the combined fabric coverage of Mr. Beckham’s manties is only slightly more than Ms. Upton’s swimsuit, he is completely covered in the area of his “privates.”  There’s no peek of a Happy Trail, no definition of his bulge, no question that if he bent over, we’d be treated to a show of what’s currently covered.

I’m also very much OK with an ad campaign that shows women in their underwear.

I believe in the celebration of our bodies, no matter their size, shape, and purpose.

I don’t want to have to explain to my girls that it’s not OK to wear such an itsy bitsy, teeny weenie bikini in public, no matter their size, shape, and purpose.

If there’s a chance that your Front Butt may be exposed with a sneaked-out fart, the bikini bottom is too small.

My opinions may be contradictory, but I see a difference in the images and the messages they send.

Or maybe I wrote this whole essay as an excuse to look at David Beckham in his underwear. Maybe.

image credits Sports Illustrated, H&M, Dove

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 34 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: advertisement, bikini, campaign, david beckham, dove, front butt, H&M, kate upton, parenting, real beauty, sports illustrated, swimsuit issue

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Warning*

The older and wiser I get, the lower my inhibitions become. Or maybe that’s the vodka. Whatever the case, I’m pretty much willing to do a lot of stuff without being embarrassed as long as I get paid.

Except…

Wear a bikini.

Ever.

Even if/when/in my dreams when I’m skinny, I will never, ever wear a bikini.

Even if I was paid by Jenny Craig to go on the Oprah show and got to wear some weird binding pantyhose deal that put an bizarre line down the middle of my belly (I’m looking at you, Kirstie Alley).

Oh, Kirstie. The crazy looked good on you then.

Even if I was skinny in the real world, but in Hollywoodland I was considered fat.

Oh, Love. You're beautiful in my book, even if my sister finds you extra annoying.

Even if you just take a picture from behind.

Oh, sweetheart. No. Just, no.

Even if I weighed 76 pounds.

If you add 140 pounds, this me.

Even if it were for a joke at my expense.

That's pretty much me, just without the dark hair & belly scar

I am definitely too chicken shit to put on a bikini.

*Warning: This post contains photographs that may or may not make your eyes bleed, your stomach turn, and/or make you put down that donut.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2010. | Permalink | 23 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: bikini, fat, girl talk thursday, skinny

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