The one deliciously good side effect from having adult acne is finding zits in places you never realized could grow pimples.

Don’t go getting all jealous of my abilities to have a zit pop up under my bra underwire. Not only is it super sexy, it’s my super power!

My lovely dermatologist refers to them as “cysts,” but I’ve decided to name them after what they truly are: Surprise Buddies! Who doesn’t want something tagging along with you wherever you go, sitting just under your skin just waiting for attention where “attention” means “picking.”

I love my dermatologist and her out-of-the-way office during my quarterly visits where she tells me “this just isn’t working and why don’t we try this pill after we tried the last pill and the last cleanser and the last super-duper supposed-to-be-effective prescription wash and why don’t you try Accutane, OH YEAH, no, you don’t want to go uber crazy crazy head, so no, Accutane isn’t good for you.”

So now I get to try a NEW! and IMPROVED! and SUPER DUPER SPECIAL TIME-RELEASED EXTENDED PRESCRIPTION ANTIBIOTIC!

It’s so SUPER DUPER SPECIAL! that it costs $400 a month.

four

hundred

dollars

Lucky for me, (and really, why should the luck stop here?), the SUPER DUPER SPECIAL manufacturer of the antibiotic offers a 3-month-long coupon where I can get the pills for $10 a month.

SUPER DUPER, right?

The reactionary time for the antibiotics to begin to take affect is 3 months. So basically, I get to take this $400/month medication for 3 months at $10 a month for it to just start working and magically make my cyst buddies disappear, just in time for the manufacturer to start charging $400/month for me to continue the meds.

Here’s hoping I have the supple skin of a 9-year-old girl in 3 months, because if not, I’ll be living with the pock-marked, greasy, pimple-ridden skin of a 14-year-old boy for the rest of my life.

I’m just going to start preparing myself now to find Surprise Cyst Buddies! in brand new hidden crevices of my body in 3 short months.