MessyHouse Word Bank
butt = ass
heiny = vagina
(just like in grade school, this post comes with a set of definitions)

I tend to believe that kids deserve to stay a part of the private side to blogging. They’re not the ones behind the intoxicating glow computer screen sharing their thoughts and actions in their own way. We are. Their parents.

As a mom to the most beautiful, most smartest, way-more-cute-than-your-kid girls, I respect their privacy now, thinking ahead to the future when their eventual boyfriend/girlfriend would stumble upon my posts. Cause, you know, this blog will be all important and stuff in 10 years.

To respect their respective privacy now and in the future, I won’t share with you which girl said this to me. If you’re the lucky boyfriend/girlfriend to one of my dear daughters reading this in the future in your flying car, you’ve got a 50/50 chance of this gem having come from your girlfriend’s mouth:

Girl climbed up on the bathroom counter to brush her teeth.
Girl says, “Excuse me, I just pooted… From my butt.”
I say after giggling, “Well, that’s good. But where else would you poot from?”
Girl says, “Last night I pooted from my heiny while we were in the bath.”

It happens.

It hurt to pee.

It happens about twice a year, and I know exactly what it is. A UTI (Urinary Tract Infection).  Many unfortunate ladies and some unfortunate mens fall victim to the affliction, so I don’t need to explain that ‘peeing barbs’ is a light description.

I know what I need: antibiotics and turn-your-pee-orange pills.

The three of us (Mama, the 5yo, & the 3yo) head to the clinic (which, by the way, calls ahead to let you know when to come in – GENIUS) for Mama to get her pills. Since the docs here don’t know me, I get to pee in a cup.

What do to w/ the 2 small leeches who follow me around?

They join me in the bathroom. The stall-less bathroom. To watch me pee in a cup.

The questions/chatter/laughing/viewing that goes on while Mama pees in a cup with two little pee-hypnotized onlookers would totally make you pee your panties. I don’t remember any of it because I was PEEING in a CUP. If only I’d had a video camera. Next time.

But the fun doesn’t stop there.

Doc comes into the exam room and does his “last menstruation, allergic to anything, feel me up” deal. He tells me that, yes, I do have a UTI. (really? cause i thought peeing barbs was just considered ‘monday’) I tell him that I get them frequently, and I know the deal.

The 50-something male doc continues to explain to me that there’s a special pill that I can take that will numb my pee hole but “it will make your urine orange and some leakage might happen so you may want to wear a small pad down there.”

I got this advice from a 50-something male doc WITH MY KIDLETS IN THE ROOM WITH ME.

Thanks Doc. As if they weren’t scarred enough from watching me fill a cup with my own infected piss, they have to hear that I’ll have orange pee.

What I know my girls see:

- that their Mama spends a lot of time working in a business she created from an idea.

- that it’s OK to leave a mess behind to go on to something more fun.

- that we are lucky enough to live in an area that MILLIONS of people from around the world make a pilgrimage to.

- that their Mama kisses them more than 100 times a day.

- that their Mama accepts every kiss and every hug snuck in to her between whines and begs and laughs.

- that their Mama is the best colorer in the world.

- that their Mama is a teacher and wants them to constantly learn in their playing.

- that it’s good to show their emotions and let the tears fall.

- that good food is good to eat.

- that they deserve what they earn and they earn through positive behavior.

- that they learn what TO do and not what NOT to do.

- that they will always be protected.

- that they must trust their Mama no matter what she expects of them.

- that their mama ‘knows’ everything but is not perfect.

- that they are loved deeply.