I have this… hair.

There’s a lot of it.

A lot. And it’s long. When it’s wet, it’s about 3 inches from my ass crack. Though, that’s not really saying much because my ever-expanding ass crack nearly meets the middle of my back. But still, it’s long. FEET long.

Me, Today

It ends up in every crevice of everything we own.

Patrick‘s been known to find it in his hockey gear.

I don’t wear his hockey gear. Have you ever smelled hockey equipment? It’s a mix of sweat, men, ice rink ice, testicles, and unwashed socks. So, no, I don’t go out to the garage and try on his hockey gear in some weird fantasy that ends with my hair being left behind in his equipment. But still, it ends up there.

Strands of my hair are everywhere.

Hanging from a dog’s ass holding a dingleberry.
Under my shirt, caught in my bra, tickling my stomach.
On Patrick’s office chair.
In the creases of the every single cushioned thing.
Slyly picked from my butt crack.

It’s pretty on my head, but constantly picking out strands from in between our toes? Not fun.

Don’t ever say beauty doesn’t come with a price.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 12 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: hair, long

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Like most bloggers, I receive a few pitch emails every week ranging from “Hey, Blogger, You’re great and please do things for me for free!” to “Hey Angie, You’re awesome, and I’m sending you on a trip!” I tend to like the latter the best.

Usually, I glance over the emails looking for the bottom line (ie. money, trips, power, etc) but one I received this week really stuck with me. Obviously, this pitchman had done his due diligence and read through several of my posts. Good for him! However, he still stuck with pitching me after he looked over my blog to discover that I’m not really at all a fitness blogger. His pitch is to post one of his articles on my blog for the links from my blog. I don’t do those sorts of marketings.

That aside, I wanted to share the part of his email that left me smiling with nerdy joy:

My name’s [redacted] and I’ve been reading your blog for the better part of a month. I really like the free-form nature of your blog and your personable, yet direct writing style, it adds a lot of appeal that’s missing from more focused blogs (you never know what’s coming next!). I especially liked your late January article about God, Spirit and Energy; it was honest and interesting, very Master Yoda.

That’s right. I’m very Master Yoda in how I keep my readers guessing as to what’s coming next! He’s basically saying that I lack focus on my blog. He’s so right.

Which is why I don’t feel like I’m cheating my blog visitors out of reading a literary gem when I show you an errant hair that has sprouted out of my arm.

Thank Baby Jeebus and Oprah that my body hairs are blonde, because this isn’t the only mutant extra long body hair I’ve discovered lately. It’s just the only one I’m comfortable photographing and sharing with the internet.

I’m just glad I keep tweezers in my purse at all times, or I’d be mocked for being the only Abominable Snowman living in Florida.

And please tell me I’m not the only woman in her 30s growing mutant extra long body hairs. I may need to start a commune of hairy beasts in the near future, and I want friends with me in hiding.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 43 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: email, hair, pitch, pr

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I’m a hairy beast.

Thanks be to sweet, sweet, sweet, Baby Jeebus and Oprah that I’m a natural towhead, and it’s reflected in all most of my body hair.

Otherwise, you may be mistaking me for Bigfoot.

Even though I live in Florida, it does get cold here, where “cold” means “below 70″ and “GOOD GOD, MAN. PUT ON YOUR ONE TURTLENECK!” My body must realize that my thin skin needs an extra layer of warmth because that one sweatshirt that fits and one thick-ish cardigan isn’t cutting it.

So, the little people who live inside my body have pushed out some extra body hairs to keep me warm in the c-c-c-cold winter. But not in places I really need the extra warmth, like on my fingertips or the end of my nose, thank you, Baby Jeebus.

I’m growing my winter coat on my face.

I see the baby hairs shimmering in the sunlight while I drive, and they reflect the bathroom light. They’re building up on my jowls. They’re sprouting on my double triple chin.

I was hoping the extra fat I’ve been strategically and methodically adding to my body was enough to keep me warm. But no. I have to be a hairy, fat lady.

It's hard to see, but the Blond Coat is there. I'm either growing my winter coat, or I'm officially an old woman.

Upside: I see the CIRCUS in my future!

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2010. | Permalink | 9 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: blond, face, hair, winter, winter coat

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I have been beyond blessed (and I don’t ever use that word because I save that for when I meet Mama Oprah) to have welcomed FOUR babies into my life in the last week.

FOUR.

No, I’m not a mom to quadruplets.
shutyourwhoremouth

No, I didn’t illegally adopt four Haitian children.
muchmuchtoolazyfortheredtape

Auntie Lala has four actual real live babies now in my life.

And they’re all friggin hairy (except for the first one, but it wouldn’t be a catchy title to say 3 hairy and 1 non-hairy baby). They’ll all make your ovaries quiver whether you have them or not, especially the last picture.

Really. It’s worth going all the way through to the end of the post. No, this is not a trick to get you to see some horrid fat girl in a swimsuit.

I present them to you in order of birth & hairiness:

Austin
(my childhood BFF’s 2nd baby, the un-hairy one)

Ellie
(my sister-in-law’s 1st baby, MY FIRST NIECE!)

Sanne
(my fake brother, Martin’s [XBox4NappyRash], 1st & long-awaited baby, pronounced SAH-nuh)

Baby Gorilla
(2-day-old baby gorilla at Animal Kingdom at Disney World)

I WANT ANOTHER BABY!!!

.

.

.

.

ok, i’m over it.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2010. | Permalink | 39 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: babies, hair, hairy, newborn, photographs, Pictures

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Yet another entry into the failures of American choices, “This? Is not OK.”

I’ve discussed the Mullet in a past post, but it was centered more specifically around the fancy Femullet.

Today, I’m focusing on the Groomed Man Mullet.

The Groomed Man Mullet is no accident. It’s planned, sculpted, and methodically trimmed, as if from the head of Adonis. Every shorn hair is in its place crowning the jewel of the Redneck.

Its purpose, as with all Mullets, is business in the front, party in the back. However, the Groomed Man Mullet has an additional purpose as it is buzzed under the long party piece so as to give the Adonis a cool breeze on the back of his neck on a hot day.

Ahhhh the breeze. I can feel it now on the back of my neck.
Or maybe that was the heebie jeebies.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2010. | Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: groomed, hair, haircut, man, mullet, redneck, This? Is Not OK

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How long can I go without washing my hair before I can consider myself still clean without bragging that I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve washed my hair?

I’m thinking it has to do with when I start to constantly scratch my head while I think, “Damn, I really need to wash my hair.”

Sometimes that length of time is 2 days, sometimes it’s as long as 5 days. I think. I’m not good at keeping track of my shower schedule. Apparently.

I have long, flowing, naturally curly, naturally blond locks of hair with a touch of un-naturally pink highlights underneath the mane. It’s awesome hair. I’m not really bragging; it really is awesome. It’s the one thing I have to brag about aside from my webbed toes. The answer to your question is YES, I can swim faster because of my webbed toes. Probably faster than Michael Phelps. donotdestroymyolympicdreams

I do take showers regularly. Most days. Almost all of the days. On average.

I don’t always wash my hair. It weighs about 4.92 pounds, give-or-take, by itself so washing it every day would mean drying it every day. And that ain’t happening. Mold would start to grow up in there, and that would NOT be pretty unless you find moldy, stinky hair sexy, and if you do, please get some help.

My 2-3-day-old unwashed MOUSSED hair is more than awesome. I actually get compliments on it. Actual compliments. It’s kinda nice. It can take way too long (TEN WHOLE MINUTES) to fix my hair when it does get fixed, and that’s a lot of Twitter quality time with my kids.

When I do take the time to actually FIX the mane, I tend to keep it fixed for as long as I can, where “can” = “until I can smell it and/or I can’t scratch my scalp enough to take the itch away.”

Moral of this story: If you see me scratching my head, it’s hair-washing day so don’t stick your nose up in my coif. Lesson learned.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 28 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: curly, dirty, hair, shower, wash

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Yes, this is a very blatant attempt to receive comments about the cuteness that is Anna’s new haircut.

‘Cause seriously. Come on.

It deserves its own post.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 39 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: hair, hair cut, hairdo, photograph

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