Surfing the ‘net in our panties: it’s how we do. Though this picture was taken 4 years ago, it could have been taken yesterday, save for the pacifiers and nakedness. Now it’s just me and Patrick who surf the ‘net in our panties.

Pleasantville School [name changed to protect my kids from you weirdo stalkers] will be a BYOT school beginning August 2012
(Bring your own Tech)
Students in 3rd, 4th and 5th are requested to bring an ipad (tablet devise [Kindle Fire, etc.]) or netbook to school daily. Laptops and other devices which have internet access and good battery are also acceptable (iphone, ipod) .

Each classroom will have several devices which students who do not have personal tech will be able to share and use while in the classroom. However, they will not be able to load personal work or applications on the school machines.

Pleasantville School has always been cutting edge and we plan to continue to move our students forward.

The above was included in an email I just received from my girls’ public elementary school’s principal.

I wouldn’t want to be behind the principal’s desk today. I can only imagine the emails and phone calls with which she’s being bombarded.

Honestly, I’m kind of super excited that this is happening at my girls’ school. I’m not happy that I’ll be the one paying for the new tech my 8-year-old will be toting back and forth to school, but if I didn’t pay for it, the school would have to take money away from other things to pay for it.

They’ve already taken substitute teachers, cursive writing, recess for older kids, non-microwaved food, teacher’s aides, proper art & music curriculum, and copy paper out of the budget.

I’d rather buy my kid her own technology and have control over it than have more money taken out of her classroom. GOD KNOWS, they apparently need more money (or maybe just smarter people) for figuring out how to create and assess a standardized test.

To fill you in, Florida is where the State School Board makes arbitrarily tougher requirements for passing standardized tests, only to get the results back and find they set the passing score too high and have to pass an emergency rule lowering the passing score.

Without it, only about a third of students would have passed the writing portion of the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test, or FCAT, compared to 80 percent or better last year.

(Education Commissioner Gerard) Robinson acknowledged some things “slipped through” the Department of Education but promised they would be corrected. The department failed to sufficiently stress changes in this year’s test to school districts and teachers, he said. ~Miami Herald

I don’t want those yahoos responsible for getting my kid the best of what she needs. Whenever I can have control, I accept it without protest.

We are super massively extra fortunate to live in our neighborhood where the elementary school is the #2 ranked public elementary school in the state. Of course, this is Florida, so that’s not saying too much, but out of all the other schools in this assbackwards state, we’re in the tops.

To be one of the best, it unfortunately means making sacrifices. In this case, it’s a monetary sacrifice, and I’m not complaining. In other cases, it’s time sacrifices or discipline sacrifices. But to be the best, the expectations are high, and having been a teacher, I know what it takes and which fights to start.

Buying my 8-year-old $200 worth (I’m looking at you, Kindle Fire) of technology that will help her be a better learner, be a better student, and be a better member of society is not a fight in which I’m participating.

It will be a sacrifice for us to shell out several hundred dollars for her education, but at least we know 3 months ahead of when it’s required. We can be responsible parents by having Anna help out with the purchase so she understands the value of what she’s getting.

We will NOT be those parents who protest the evolution of learning just because it’s uncomfortable and different from how we did things growing up.

We are fortunate to have the opportunity to make this sacrifice.

We’re not above asking for help in supporting our kids, so if you’re buying anything from Amazon.com any time soon, how about using this fancy affiliate link to Amazon so they will pay me for your purchase? My make-believe budget thanks you.

UPDATED with this video that better explains BYOT (Bring Your Own Technology):

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 17 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: elementary school, ipad in school, kids, tablet

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It’s my firm belief that self-esteem is not inherited.

I came to that conclusion last night while having dinner with my daughters and a friend.

My poor daughters have me as a mother and their father as a father. (I have to clarify because, you know, these days…) The pair of us combined have about enough self-esteem to fill a shot glass, which, ironically, is where we find it. My shot glass-full of self-esteem is probably one of those over-sized ones you find at an interstate gas station next to the shellacked baby gator heads display, but that means I only have slightly more than Patrick.

Having a lack of self-esteem can be a good thing in a marriage because you’ll never feel like you’re good enough for someone with whom to cheat.

SCORE!

We encourage our girls to do their best and be their best. We bestow upon them every positive motivator appropriate for its situation. But I do like to mix those in with a nice balance of back-handed comments like, “How can such a smart kid not remember to close her mouth when she chews?”

Related: It’s a good thing Mensa applications don’t have a test on table manners. I have a good feeling there’s a correlation between geniuses and open-mouth chewing.

I’m not shy about showing off my skills of birthing genius children. No really, one is a tested genius. I like to take all the credit for their smarts because clearly extra brain cells were passed on to them in my womb. Genius is a nature deal, not nurture.

Related: I like to make up scientific facts to support my delusional beliefs.

At dinner with my friend last night, we started talking about teaching and teachers and how the school system is fucking up the next generation. We met while teaching across the hall from one another back when I actually earned an actual paycheck that actually helped support my family. Bygones.

In that conversation, we got around to talking about gifted classes. We haven’t really spoken with our kids about what it means to be in a “gifted” class or what it means to have a label, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to ask my kid who was sitting next to me (different from the other kid who shall not be named for privacy purposes) what she thought “gifted” meant.

“Gifted means I’m better than everyone else.”

This is when my friend and I died and our drinks spewed from our noses.

And then we died some more and couldn’t talk for at least 46 seconds while my kids stared at us like the buffoons we are.

Like a good parent, I explained to her that, “NO, gifted does not mean you’re ‘better than everyone else.’ It means you learn differently and your teacher teaches to your class differently than the other classes. It means you might do more or different work than the other classes in your grade.”

She happened to have been split up from her regular classmates and was a “guest” in another teacher’s classroom that day because schools don’t believe in substitute teachers anymore.

Her response to me: “I can tell that Mr. So-and-So’s class isn’t gifted.”

Again, my friend and I lose our shit and die from holding back iced tea from coming out of our noses.

Though we asked why she thought she could tell why Mr. So-and-So’s class wasn’t gifted, but we never got a straight answer out of her. But we have a feeling it has something to do with the fact that she thinks she’s better than everyone else.

Seeing as her two parents only see ourselves as better than Florida Gators fans, we can’t really try to teach her how to think any less of herself.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: gifted, kids, school, self esteem

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There must be some kind of omen about a chicken crossing the road right in front of you. Or maybe an old wive’s tale. Or maybe this is normal when you’re not in Suburbia.

Watching a chicken cross the road right in front of your car isn’t something that happens every day to a suburbanite. Or really, happens ever in my Pleasantville planned community. Though I did see some girls riding horses on the main road through our manufactured town once, and it wasn’t even during the holiday parade.

A chicken crossed the road in front of my car this past weekend when I was out in Downtown MethHead, Florida with my girls, mom, sister, and her kids. I’m pretty sure I heard it cluck, “BAWK BAWK, MOTHERFUCKER!” as it passed by. Now that I think about it, that chicken probably knows Jenny’s Beyonce.

We were coming from the U-Pick, side-of-the-road farm where we picked strawberries with our own hands, and for the whole 20 minutes it took us to pick 6 quarts of farm-fresh fruits, we were damn farmers.

Clearly the chicken who crossed the road smelled our freshly dirtied feet from afar, and it felt safe crossing in front of my minivan.

Picking strawberries in the boonies was a teachable moment for our suburban kids.

“See, kids. Your food doesn’t really come from plastic bags! Your food comes from people with very dirty feet. And, kids, if you want some Oxy, you can follow that chicken back to its coop where it nests in some methhead family’s living room. Just bring me back some farm-fresh eggs.”

I’m never at a loss for finding ways to teach my children the ways of life in Florida.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2012. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: anna, chicken cross the road, claire, kids, nolan, picking strawberries

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© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 6 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: kids, pyramid, toilet paper

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If you follow me on Twitter (which you probably do) or follow my Tumblr (which you probably don’t), you’ve seen some of the quotes from my kids, friends, and family that I document and share. I have a horrible memory for details, so I wanted to keep track of the insane quotables that fall out of my kids’ mouths. Last April, I shared the quotes I’d posted on my Tumblr up until then, and today I’m sharing the quotes I’ve collected since then.

Weirdos.

I also kind of want to know that I’m not the only one who has kids who say random and insane things. I’m not the only one, right? RIGHT?

(...)
Read the rest of Not-So-Quotable Quotes (3 words)

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 16 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: girls, kids, quotes, tumblr

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The beach, it calls my name. I grew up 5 miles away the way the mythical crow flies from the best beach in the US, yet as a teen I was too self-conscious about my body to go to the beach. Plus, my mom was always, “You’ll get sand in your crack!” and “You don’t want to go ALL THE WAY DOWN THERE, do you?” I’m still not sure if she was referring to my crack or the beach.

So what if it was a 30-minute drive around and through traffic lights to get to the beach before the bridge opened during my 11th grade year? Add in the fact that I was super lazy even way back in my rearing years to pack up myself and stuff and lay out in the stupid heat just to get a sand in my crack, I didn’t go to the beach very often when it was out my figurative back door.

Living in Orlando affords us options when it comes to visiting the beaches. We have Cocoa Beach 25 minutes to our east and Tampa Bay/St Pete Beach 2 hours to our west-ish. We went to Cocoa Beach last summer with the girls, and we vowed we would never go there again. Rather than finding sugar-white sand in our cracks, we had to dig out black sand. Black sand and cracks don’t mix. We’re admitted beach snobs with our affinity for white sandy beaches and turquoise water with actual waves as we look down on the dark sand and murky water and 100s of Euromen banana hammocks.

Since having the children reach the age of consenting to what we mold their minds into thinking, I plan to spend several days of our summer vacation on the beach with my girls. It’s my plan to tweak their wee brains into Beach Bunnies who will want to go to the beach with me, but only to beaches that meet our high expectations.

It won’t be hard brainwashing them to think that this is the best way to beach.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beach, destin, florida, kids, Vacation, white sand

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What does it take to be successful?

When do you realize you’re successful?

Is there a measure of success that applies equally to everyone?

I’d like for someone to find out the answers to these questions, map out a plan of attack for my success, and present it to me along with a set of motivators.

Until then, my greatest and most important success will be to focus on raising my girls to stay off the stripper pole.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: girls, kids, off the pole, success

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…friggin babies and their never-ending need for needing…

Unfortunately for me and my family, we don’t live near close family, more specifically, grandparents. Those of you who do live near your kids’ grandparents need to think of yourselves as lucky for at least one reason: date nights.

Yeah, yeah, there are some of you who despise your parents or in-laws and would never ever leave your kids with them, but let’s pretend those people don’t exist for the sake of this scenario.

Scenario #1, Grandparents live close by, you’re living happily ever after:
You feel like seeing the new movie out in theaters with your spouse or spousal equivalent but there’s laws against leaving young kids alone at home to fend for themselves?

Drop them off at their grandparent’s house for a few hours so you can get your movie-watching on! Grandparents are free, they love the kids, and you don’t have to worry about staying out too late for the babysitter.

Date night WIN. You get to stay married and/or partnered because you got that necessary alone time! Congrats!

Scenario #2, Grandparents live hours away, you’re headed for divorce:
You feel like seeing the new movie out in theaters with your spouse or spousal equivalent but your neighbors have DCF on speed-dial from that one time your kid ran through the neighborhood in nothing but a diaper and a pocket knife?

Sorry, dude – you’re staying home. The babysitter will cost you more than the price of the movie tickets and dinner combined. The one time you do get a babysitter for the kids, you spent the money you set aside for her on a tub o’popcorn and a soda, so now she’s never coming back.

You may or may not stay married and/or partnered because you’re arguing that you could have gone without that extra buttered tub o’popcorn and paid the stinkin’ babysitter. You’re never going out on a date night again. It’s Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never on DVD for you, LOSER.

Scenario #3, Grandparents live hours away, you’ll never see a first-run movie together in a theater again, but you may stay married and/or partnered:
The movie you’ve been waiting to see is out in theaters! There’s no use in even thinking twice about a babysitter for the needy kids, so you go alone to the movie you want to see.

This wins on so many levels because there’s no one to bother you, hold your hand, or try to tickle your nethers on the sly. YOU get to see exactly what YOU want to see, and it only costs you $10.

Moral of this story: I may be going to see Bridesmaids all by myself tonight. It will save my marriage.

—  —-  —  —-  —  —-  —  —-  —  —-

Related: Today on Curvy Girl Guide, I wrote about TV shows and movies on DVD for summertime with the kids. Friggin kids.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 13 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: date, date night, kids, movies

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I’ve written ad nauseum about the challenges of my children sleeping in our marital bed. However far we’ve come with incentive charts and bribes and calm explanations and begging and pleading and flat-out yelling, the girls still come into our bed at some time during the early morning.

They’re supposed to wait until the sun comes up before they come into our bed. They’re supposed to bring their pillows with them when they come in.

No matter how much we threaten to take away every single toy and/or privilege and/or entertainment, this still happens:

Nearly-Actual Photograph, Taken This Morning

When I sleep, I turn black. Jealous?

Actual Photograph of Me & Claire, Taken This Morning

When I wake up hanging 1/2 off of my own bed, I turn back to pale white with lopsided eyeballs and grey face. Jealous?

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 32 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: bed, children, drawing, kids, marriage, sleeping

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My favorite Instagram photos from this week.
It’s a simple, mindless post.
YOU’RE WELCOME.

Andy's in Winter Haven, FL - worth the drive

CrackerFest in Florida - VDog needs to get her cracker-ass here.

Classic Claire

Toothless wonder

Reading. I do it!

Smiley Claire - This one made it to the Instagram Favorites

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: instagram, kids, photos, Pictures, week

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