© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 6 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: kids, pyramid, toilet paper

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If you follow me on Twitter (which you probably do) or follow my Tumblr (which you probably don’t), you’ve seen some of the quotes from my kids, friends, and family that I document and share. I have a horrible memory for details, so I wanted to keep track of the insane quotables that fall out of my kids’ mouths. Last April, I shared the quotes I’d posted on my Tumblr up until then, and today I’m sharing the quotes I’ve collected since then.

Weirdos.

I also kind of want to know that I’m not the only one who has kids who say random and insane things. I’m not the only one, right? RIGHT?

(...)
Read the rest of Not-So-Quotable Quotes (3 words)

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 16 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: girls, kids, quotes, tumblr

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The beach, it calls my name. I grew up 5 miles away the way the mythical crow flies from the best beach in the US, yet as a teen I was too self-conscious about my body to go to the beach. Plus, my mom was always, “You’ll get sand in your crack!” and “You don’t want to go ALL THE WAY DOWN THERE, do you?” I’m still not sure if she was referring to my crack or the beach.

So what if it was a 30-minute drive around and through traffic lights to get to the beach before the bridge opened during my 11th grade year? Add in the fact that I was super lazy even way back in my rearing years to pack up myself and stuff and lay out in the stupid heat just to get a sand in my crack, I didn’t go to the beach very often when it was out my figurative back door.

Living in Orlando affords us options when it comes to visiting the beaches. We have Cocoa Beach 25 minutes to our east and Tampa Bay/St Pete Beach 2 hours to our west-ish. We went to Cocoa Beach last summer with the girls, and we vowed we would never go there again. Rather than finding sugar-white sand in our cracks, we had to dig out black sand. Black sand and cracks don’t mix. We’re admitted beach snobs with our affinity for white sandy beaches and turquoise water with actual waves as we look down on the dark sand and murky water and 100s of Euromen banana hammocks.

Since having the children reach the age of consenting to what we mold their minds into thinking, I plan to spend several days of our summer vacation on the beach with my girls. It’s my plan to tweak their wee brains into Beach Bunnies who will want to go to the beach with me, but only to beaches that meet our high expectations.

It won’t be hard brainwashing them to think that this is the best way to beach.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: beach, destin, florida, kids, Vacation, white sand

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What does it take to be successful?

When do you realize you’re successful?

Is there a measure of success that applies equally to everyone?

I’d like for someone to find out the answers to these questions, map out a plan of attack for my success, and present it to me along with a set of motivators.

Until then, my greatest and most important success will be to focus on raising my girls to stay off the stripper pole.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: girls, kids, off the pole, success

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…friggin babies and their never-ending need for needing…

Unfortunately for me and my family, we don’t live near close family, more specifically, grandparents. Those of you who do live near your kids’ grandparents need to think of yourselves as lucky for at least one reason: date nights.

Yeah, yeah, there are some of you who despise your parents or in-laws and would never ever leave your kids with them, but let’s pretend those people don’t exist for the sake of this scenario.

Scenario #1, Grandparents live close by, you’re living happily ever after:
You feel like seeing the new movie out in theaters with your spouse or spousal equivalent but there’s laws against leaving young kids alone at home to fend for themselves?

Drop them off at their grandparent’s house for a few hours so you can get your movie-watching on! Grandparents are free, they love the kids, and you don’t have to worry about staying out too late for the babysitter.

Date night WIN. You get to stay married and/or partnered because you got that necessary alone time! Congrats!

Scenario #2, Grandparents live hours away, you’re headed for divorce:
You feel like seeing the new movie out in theaters with your spouse or spousal equivalent but your neighbors have DCF on speed-dial from that one time your kid ran through the neighborhood in nothing but a diaper and a pocket knife?

Sorry, dude – you’re staying home. The babysitter will cost you more than the price of the movie tickets and dinner combined. The one time you do get a babysitter for the kids, you spent the money you set aside for her on a tub o’popcorn and a soda, so now she’s never coming back.

You may or may not stay married and/or partnered because you’re arguing that you could have gone without that extra buttered tub o’popcorn and paid the stinkin’ babysitter. You’re never going out on a date night again. It’s Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never on DVD for you, LOSER.

Scenario #3, Grandparents live hours away, you’ll never see a first-run movie together in a theater again, but you may stay married and/or partnered:
The movie you’ve been waiting to see is out in theaters! There’s no use in even thinking twice about a babysitter for the needy kids, so you go alone to the movie you want to see.

This wins on so many levels because there’s no one to bother you, hold your hand, or try to tickle your nethers on the sly. YOU get to see exactly what YOU want to see, and it only costs you $10.

Moral of this story: I may be going to see Bridesmaids all by myself tonight. It will save my marriage.

—  —-  —  —-  —  —-  —  —-  —  —-

Related: Today on Curvy Girl Guide, I wrote about TV shows and movies on DVD for summertime with the kids. Friggin kids.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 13 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: date, date night, kids, movies

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I’ve written ad nauseum about the challenges of my children sleeping in our marital bed. However far we’ve come with incentive charts and bribes and calm explanations and begging and pleading and flat-out yelling, the girls still come into our bed at some time during the early morning.

They’re supposed to wait until the sun comes up before they come into our bed. They’re supposed to bring their pillows with them when they come in.

No matter how much we threaten to take away every single toy and/or privilege and/or entertainment, this still happens:

Nearly-Actual Photograph, Taken This Morning

When I sleep, I turn black. Jealous?

Actual Photograph of Me & Claire, Taken This Morning

When I wake up hanging 1/2 off of my own bed, I turn back to pale white with lopsided eyeballs and grey face. Jealous?

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 32 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: bed, children, drawing, kids, marriage, sleeping

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My favorite Instagram photos from this week.
It’s a simple, mindless post.
YOU’RE WELCOME.

Andy's in Winter Haven, FL - worth the drive

CrackerFest in Florida - VDog needs to get her cracker-ass here.

Classic Claire

Toothless wonder

Reading. I do it!

Smiley Claire - This one made it to the Instagram Favorites

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 7 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: instagram, kids, photos, Pictures, week

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That kid you see on the TV with the hair and the big glasses and the white t-shirts? He’s a kid. He’s 16-years-old, he sings music, he performs on stage, he’s good at what he does.

He’s 16.

He’s a kid.

I have a 6-year-old and a 5-year-old who like Justin Bieber. They also like Spongebob, iCarly, Taylor Swift, and playing with dolls.

I LOVE that they like Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Guster, and (some) P!nk. I wouldn’t mind if they liked the Jonas Brothers, too. They spend countless hours (really, A LOT of karaoke going on in this house) singing along to the songs on their iPods. They arrange performances, singing along to the songs of Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber.

They’re kids.

Justin Bieber is 16. He is a kid. When I see people online referring to him as something other than a kid; as someone who is an adult and can be talked about as an adult, I cringe. I cringe for him, for his mother, for the people making the repulsive comments.

There are throngs of people on Twitter, across the blog world, and on message boards making borderline pedophiliac comments about his body, his image, his self that are disgusting when aimed at a child.

He’s 16. He is a child.

He may be in the spotlight as a popstar, he may be beloved by little and older girls, he may be on stage dancing as a 16-year-old dances, singing like a 16-year-old sings, and sounding like a 16-year-old sounds, but that doesn’t give people permission to make him into an adult who is open to criticism that is saved for adults.

Several months ago, I wrote a post about my 6yo discovering Justin Bieber and how I had failed myself as being a Hippie Mother. The focus of the post was not to insult the boy as a boy, but to point out that my girls love pop music as much as we as their parents are not fans. But kids like what they like. We don’t and can’t force them into liking things we like just because we like them. In our house, you like what you like, and you don’t have to defend it or be ashamed by it.

I believe it is OK for famous adults to be criticized and targeted as the subject of mockery. I know that’s somewhat controversial to say, but it’s human nature to make untouchable adults out to be the mark of criticism.

But children? No. It is unacceptable to make fun of a child. To target a child as the subject of mockery, even if they are famous for any reason. Just because a child has a talent that makes puts them in the public eye, that does not give permission to make that child into an adult to be the focus of lampooning.

Enough of my soapbox. My kid is dancing to Baby.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 12 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: justin bieber, kids, parenting, pop music

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I’m hoping my kids are OK with the idea of “Handmade by Mom with Construction Paper” gifts for Christmas.

It’s that, or a, “Hey, look! Mama wrapped up a can of creamed corn and 5-year-old breast pads from under the sink,” kind of holiday.

Now I’m wondering if my skillz as an amazing TV-watcher will garner me a job that pays in more than nickels before Sinterklaas makes his jolly way down the chimney.

Related: Is anyone hiring a happy-go-lucky, chubby girl with a pretty face for a work-at-home job? I give good Tweet, and I’m a super-Awesome social media wrangler.

Or, just click over to Amazon via my link and I’ll get an affiliate kick-back. SUPER YEAH!

It’d be so much easier if my kids were brats and didn’t deserve toys, or if we were Muslim for Christmas.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2010. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: christmas, crafting, kids, mom, poor house

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I’ve never been what you would call a “fashion plate,” but more of a “fashion emergency.”

Once I find a shirt or skirt or bottoms I like, I buy them in every color available. My favorite? $4 Old Navy Weekly Specials that wear out before the end of the season. bee tee dub… I’m wearing one right now that’s already pilled and scratching my arms.

Dead sexy.

For nearly every outfit I wear, I can bet you can purchase for less than $30 TOTAL.

Dead classy.

Sure, you can dress me up and take me somewhere pretty every once in a while, but that takes major planning and shoe pile digging and earring dusting.

Dead messy.

The following was picked out of the limited pictures I have of myself.
Same. Same. Same: khaki bottoms, solid shirt.

There are special times when I think I look better than my normal pink hair-dye-stained Obama ’08 t-shirt, shlubby 2-year-old chino shorts missing one of the buttons, and BRAND! NEW! pink! Crocs. Times with I actually fix my hair, put on actual eye makeup, and find actual nice jewelry to slap on.

My wannabe-turned-actual fashion plate sister is consistently nagging on me to “put on more makeup” and “here, wear this necklace” and “OH MY GOH HOW DO YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE LOOKING SO HORRID*?”

I have, what you might describe as, a precocious, opinionated, moody, 4-going-on-13-year-old little girl.

Apparently, she’s caught on to my failures as a fashion victim survivor.

I was dressed up to go to a friend’s birthday dinner in the bathroom putting lipstick on a pig dressing my eyes, when she came in to show me just how cute she looked in her frilly un-Easter, Easter dress.

That’s when it happened: the rest of my life.

“Mama. You need to wear a dress like mine. You look boring.“

Yes, kid. Yes. I do look boring.

And you, my dear child, have made your auntie very proud.

And and, this is my official application to What Not to Wear.

____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____

*actual quotage

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2010. | Permalink | 34 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: boring, fashion, kids, photographs

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