Last Sunday, the Lynchipoos were offered the opportunity to go to Medieval Times in Kissimmee.

(If you don’t know Kissimmee, it’s the axis of all things tourist-related, with signs and tag-lines of “Minutes From Disney World!”)

(If you don’t know Medieval Times, think indoor arena-style, Middle Ages-themed, chain-mail wearing “knights” on horses jousting while we tourists eat 1/2 a chicken with our hands while wearing paper crowns signifying our given knight’s color.)

Patrick and I had gone to Medieval Times eons ago, but the girls had never been. This summer, the Kissimmee location is offering a free-to-ticket-holders kid experience where children ages 5-12 are welcomed out to the arena to learn how to be a Knight. The Knight Training is a fun addition to the paid show and dinner where the parents can watch the kids learn some fighting moves.

Seriously, is there anything cuter than little kids learning the fine art of spearing a combative enemy with a wooden stake while standing next to a man dressed as a flashy medieval knight? I’ll tell you: probably, but my girls make anything cute.

It appears we need to work on right v. left with Claire.

photos: me

DISCLOSURE: I received 2 adult and 2 child tickets for admission and dinner to Medieval Times in exchange for my post about the Knight Training experience. All opinions are solely mine.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 5 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: kissimmee, knight training, medieval times, orlando, Sponsored

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This happened on my way to the airport while driving on the expressway to pick up Mandi:

No, I did not look up the nice Road Ranger man's shorts as he lay under my car retrieving my spare tire when it looks like I'm running him over. (P.S. The Orlando/Orange County Expressway Authority has these dudes (and probably dudettes) who patrol the expressway roads looking for helpless women in need of a helpful hand changing a tire. AND IT'S TOTALLY FREE.)

Then this happened, and I learned where my spare tire lives:

This is the special tool that lives in the back of my car in a secret compartment that releases the spare tire hidden under my car. I KNOW. (Now.)

And while that happened, they waited patiently:

Claire rides in the car because she's a shivering old woman.

Because this happened:

Asshole shredded tire

And then on my overly-careful drive home on my spare donut tire, I waited a split-second too long to go when the light turned green.

I got one of these in my rear-view mirror while Claire piped up, “Mama, that car honked at you because you didn’t go when the light turned green,” because my kid is a jerky backseat driver:

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2011. | Permalink | 4 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: car, expressway authority, orange county, orlando, tire

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We have an Awesome job.

I love my job.

“What’s your job, Pangie?” you ask.

“I play on the internets!” is the easiest way to tell people what I do for my almost career.

“How do you make money playing on the internets?” you ask.

“I swim with dolphins.”

I consider it a HUMONGOUS perk of my job here on the ‘tubes, because that’s exactly what it is. I get to go to places like Discovery Cove here in Orlando, snorkel in a coral reef, relax in the lazy river, and take a ride on a famous dolphin.

HOW COOL IS THAT?

I’ll tell you: pretty friggin cool.

Along with my internet-famous friend Miss Britt, I was invited to spend a day at Discovery Cove last week hanging out in a super sexy wetsuit. Yes, it was November, and yes, we were in the water. And, no, we didn’t freeze our tuchus’ off. (Britt kind of whined her way into the cold salt water for the dolphin swim, but that’s another story.)

To be honest (and when am I not?), I was truly blown away at the level of service provided by the park staff. The ratio of guests to staff must rival that of a five-star hotel, because we were never more than 10 seconds from finding someone to answer our questions. The grounds were lush, but not overgrown, and extremely well maintained. I thought of it as “Florida Tropical” with a hint of gardener magic. Included with the price of admission are nearly all amenities: parking, masks (even prescription masks for us blind-as-a-bat guests), snorkels (which you can keep!), lockers, wetsuits, FOOD, and BEER! Yes, my friends, Budweiser products are f.r.e.e. during your visit to Discovery Cove.

We arrived early in the morning and took advantage of the included breakfast. Although they had some oatmeal, fruit, and breads from which to choose, I was surprised that they didn’t have any protein-rich food available for breakfast. However, they more than made up for the lack of protein at lunch. There were about 8 different meals on the line to choose from in addition to the BEER.

After breakfast, we decided (from the over-zealous suggestion of an employee) to snorkel in the tropical fish reef. I can’t tell you how happy I was to have the prescription goggles in order to see the brightly colored fish and the STINGRAY SWIMMING RIGHT FOR OUR FACES. Once we got over the initial shock of the STINGRAY SWIMMING RIGHT FOR OUR FACES, we took our time swimming amongst the fish in the cove. Sadly, none of them nibbled at my toes or fingers, but I’m pretty sure these fish are used to annoying tourists (see: me) dangling our fingers in their faces, so they know the exact distance from which to stay away. Fish are smarter than humans; I’m convinced.

To give ourselves a break from our exhausting swim with the fish, we stepped into the waaarrrmmm waters of the lazy river. The river runs right through the aviary, and to get into the aviary, we had to swim through entrance and exit waterfalls. (Side note: Watching Miss Britt try her very petite best to get her very petite body through a deluge of water when the current is pushing her in the opposite direction she wants to go, is a must-see in life.) On our three total trips along the lazy river, we spotted and chatted up a few nice looking lifeguards while we talked to each other about everything from money to travel to how lucky we were to get this opportunity. We also visited the aviary where hundreds of birds refused my offerings of fruit, nuts, and meal worms. That is the day I learned that I am not attractive to birds, but again, that’s a story for another day.

GO, Cindy, GO!

The highlight of our day was the Dolphin Encounter. It is truly a life experience. We were lucky enough to be grouped with 2 British families and one kind-of famous dolphin, Cindy. (If you’ve seen Rocky III, you know Cindy. She’s a STAR!) Standing in the pool, we were invited to pet Cindy as she swam in front of us and watch as she performed tricks so we could better learn about her and her species.

The true feature of the interaction and of our day was “swimming” with Cindy. We swam out to the middle of the pool, and that’s where I was told to put my right hand on the front of her fin, my left hand on the side of her head, and hang on. The several seconds it takes for Cindy to “swim” me back to the shallow end was exhilarating, she was powerful, and I’ll never forget the moment Cindy and I shared.

She liked it so much, she gave me a fishy kiss on the lips.

Tru luv BFF 4Eva!

Disclosure: I was provided entry into Discovery Cove and the Dolphin Encounter in exchange for writing this opinion article about my experience.

Photos courtesy: Discovery Cove Public Relations

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2010. | Permalink | 16 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Discovery Cove, Dolphin swim, florida, orlando, theme park

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Everyone and their brother has a bucket “list of shit they want to do before they die” list. I’ve never made one, and I’m not starting one now. you’re welcome Why should I? It’s not like I’m ever going to accomplish all of the actions on the list, and if I don’t complete them all before I die, I’ll walk up to the pearly gates a failure. And from what I hear, God doesn’t like failures.

So really what I’ve done is kind of kept a running list in my head of stuff I want to have happen to me. You know, not really planned, just, if it happened, that’d be awesome.

In no particular order, and because I loves me a list, I present the first entry into the “It’d be awesome if this actually happened, but God doesn’t like failures, so I’m not going to make it a ‘must do’” Unlist:

Have Dwight Howard pick me up.

It could happen, you know, with us both living in Orlando and all.

I’m not a small girl. duh As a woman, I kind of want that feeling of being picked up off the ground. I have a small husband. He weighs less than I did 10 years ago. He’s short, but he’s taller than me. I’m not gonna get dirty here, but *ahem* this girl ain’t complainin that everything is small. *ahem*

Back to Dwight “DAAAAMN THOSE SHOULDERS” Howard. Look at this man. Look at those shoulders.

DAAAAMN. They were built for picking me up and, well, whatever he wanted hold me like a baby.

I think he would like that.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: dwight howard, Fat Girl, orlando, shit i got to do

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*hyperventilating*rocking*fetalposition*drooling*ohcrapmydadwillseethis*

I’m all sorts of awesome honored. For some reason unbeknownst to me, this blog is FEATURED on the front fahking page of the OrlandoSentinel.com.

What the frickin frack? Seriously.

Little do they know (or maybe they do) that this here blog is about a whole lot of nothing. Hopefully they caught that by the title and they believed it. Cause it’s 1001% true.

This blog is the Seinfeld of the Blog World: a blog about nothing.

I post pictures of my more-adorable-than-yours kids and some of my attempts at artsy fartsy photography.

I discuss the challenges of being a chubby girl with the acne-face of a 13-year-old boy.

I tease and love-on my husband and fellow blogger, Mr Sir, at HockeyMan Dad.

I sometimes point out the Floridiots somehow surviving around us here in the Sunshine State.

I try to make a few pennies by writing for pay. See: SeaWorld Dolphin Bubbles Video post

I regularly tease my blog friends who live up in freezing-cold north telling them about the awesometastic weather in Orlando. I get to tell them to suckit 6 months a year (Oct-Mar) while they get to tell me to suckit the other 6 months. I hate July & August in Orlando. It’s like living on the surface of the sun paved with asphalt.

I shamelessly self-promote my online store; the best entrepreneurs do that. Visit Good for the Kids now and enjoy 20% off using code orlandosentinel now through March 31st. You’re welcome.

Most of the time, I’m lazy and share pretty much nothing but farts and other stuff.

Comment below. Add me to your feed reader. Bookmark this as a favorite. Follow me on Twitter @alotofnothing. Tell your friends you’ve just found the bestest thing on the internets.

Make me feel good. Mama needs some interwebbery lovins.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 42 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: "orlando sentinel", orlando, suckit

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Semi-Wordless
We’re incredibly lucky enough to be able to watch the shuttle and rocket launches from our front porch.

SUCKIT northerners

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 17 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: cape canaveral, discovery, launch, orlando, shuttle, space shuttle, suckit

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The girls, Mr Sir, and I visit SeaWorld Orlando at least once a month (during non-hellishly hottt months). The girls are at the perfect age to appreciate all the animals and laugh at the cheezy shows. Last summer, I took Anna to SeaWorld summer camp along with a friend and her son (hi, Steph!), and we plan to do the same with both Anna & Claire this summer.

Unlike the genius woman that is Miss Britt, I wasn’t skeptical of the dolphins and their bubble play that was recently featured on ABC’s World News. Maybe because I can’t compare myself to the thinker Britt portrays online. Or maybe I’m just not a thinker at all…

I’ve seen the dolphin bubbles myself in person. It is breathtaking. Incredible. Mind-blowing.

Watching the dolphins make their own air bubbles to play with under the water makes me want to bring a chair, block out all the other gawkers, and set up camp underwater.

Click on the graphic below to watch videos of the dolphins play with bubbles. Truly incredible.

So incredible that the dolphin bubbles have their own website now. Mammals these days…

Psst… YOU. Click the banner. Pretty please? With sugared cherries on top? DO IT.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: bubbles, dolphin, mammals, orlando, play, sea life, seaworld, theme park, video

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Wordless
All about nature

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 10 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: lake eola, nature, orlando, swan, trees, Wordless

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Weekly Winners is the brainchild of the lovely Lotus at Sarcastic Mom.

We FINALLY got out Disney passes, so it’s an all Disney World set this week. We got to meet up with Amy at Life with the Disney Twins (imagine that) and her actual Disney Twins! Howdy!

Mr Sir has some great pics up as well on his blog. The waving pic on his post is ahhhhhsome.

suckit northerners

Yes, I realize the rediculousness of that smile - She's way too cute

Anna with Buzz

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 43 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: blue sky, daughters, disney, Disney World, orlando, photograph, weekly winners

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Wordless Wednesday

I’m outing myself as a Floridiot.

Swan or Goose?

You tell me.

© Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] for A Whole Lot of Nothing • Your Favorite Blog, 2009. | Permalink | 31 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: bird, florida, goose, lake, lake eola, orlando, photos, swan, wordless wednesday

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