Like a bad episode of Celebrity Rehab, drama on Twitter when it doesn’t involved me SUCKS ME IN. I can’t look away. I must find out who comes out the other side as the crazy person.

This time, it’s Kevin Smith (THAT Kevin Smith) versus the Twitter PR rep for Southwest Airlines.

VS

It’s epic.

It’s social media at its best.

It’s social media at its worst.

It’s one for the internet history books.

__________________________________________________

Here’s what the Team Kevin Smith twitterers imagined the Southwest PR rep wrote in her journal about her night of drama:

Sometime before February 13th
OH
EM
GEE

You will NOT believe the awesome job I just got. All of my 6 years of college totally paid off and I got the job I really super wanted. I’m gonna be the lead twitterer for a major airline!!!1!! I’m super duper excited to work with an awes0me company like Southwest Airlines!

I’ll get to stay home and Twitter all day long. Super awesome. All I have to do is tell people who whine about their tickets to call the Southwest 1-800 number and wait on hold for 45 minutes. It’s super duper easy cheesy.

** I can’t believe how lucky I am. **

Saturday, February 13th ~ 9pm est
OH
EM
GEE

You will NOT believe that I have to actually sit on twitter on Valentine’s Day Eve instead of go out with my fiancee. I mean, he planned an awesome dinner at Olive Garden, but noooooo… I have to be on the stupid computer answering stupid customer questions just to tell them to call the stupid 1-800 number. GAH. I wanna go OUUUUUUT….

** I can’t believe how much this sucks. **

Saturday, February 13th ~ 10pm est
OH
EM
GEE

You would NOT believe that I have to respond to some fat guy on twitter who got kicked off a plane. I mean, he’s fat. He needs at least two seats. What’s his deal? Doesn’t EVERYbody know fat people need two seats? So what if he could put down the armrest like our policy claims is the difference between fat (two seats) or not fat (one seat). He deserves to be kicked off.

GAH. What a whiner.

** I can’t believe people are so stoopid. **

Saturday, February 13th ~ 10:03pm est
OH
FUCK

You would NOT believe how many twitteres are harrassing ME. Like it’s MY fault that guy got kicked off the plane. Whatevs. He got his $100 voucher. What else does he expect? A cookie? (ha! a cookie for a fat guy. LOLZ)

** I can’t believe people like this guy. **

Saturday, February 13th ~ 10:30pm est
OH
SWEET
JEEBUS

You would not believe how many times my boss has called my cell. I’m SO not answering that. I mean, this is all gonna go away overnight, right? It’s not like people are going to talk about this in the morning, right? I already tried to DM him to give him another $100, but he’s not even following me. Like, everyone should follow me, I mean SouthwestAir. We’re like the best airline in the world.

** I can’t believe I have to do this dumb job on a Saturday night when I could be making out with my fiancee at the Olive Garden. **

Saturday, February 13th ~ 11:00pm est
SHIT

You would not believe that I got fired. Even after I wrote that super awesome post on the Southwest blog about how it’s totally not our fault that that fat guy got kicked off, they fired me. I even titled it something super duper cute ’cause he’s all “Silent Bob” and he’s not so silent. I mean, that’s a gem.  And it’s totally not our fault he couldn’t fly on our plane just cause he could put down his armrests but was still fat.

** I can’t believe the internet hates me. **

__________________________________________________

Dedicated to Sarah in MI

Normally, I’m not crazy-excited about television awards shows. It really depends on the host if I’ll watch intently or not. Tonight for the Golden Globes, Ricky Gervais is the host.

I loves me some Ricky Gervais. Hard.

Being the internet nerd that I am, I also love live-tweeting awards shows. (You don’t like it, unfollow, bitches.)

Tonight’s broadcast will be FILLED with people talking about the devastation in Haiti. Like, incessantly. The people of Haiti need our help. Us people who have the opportunity to sit at home with our lappys and watch brainless award shows could do something to help.

So I’m combining my love of watching award shows and live-tweeting, and suggesting that we couch potatoes do something. Think of it like a drinking game for Haiti. Just without the drinks (unless you wanna – what happens on the couch, stays on the couch), and with some monies.

I know you’re asking, “What exactly are you talking about, woman? Get on with it. I gots some tweeting to do.”

Every time someone mentions “Haiti” in any part of the show (accepting an award, announcing an award, a precursor to a poorly written joke), you tweet that you’re donating $1 to help Haiti. Use hashtag #d4haiti (“d” meaning “dollar” or “dime” or “drink” or “dummy”).

It’s totally up to you to give the amount you can. Some have suggested $.10 a mention, or you could put a cap on your donation. I’m capping my donation at $50. I’ve already given to the Red Cross and my business is donating a portion of sales, so I’m doing what I can comfortably give for my family.

If you can’t commit to any $ amount, no biggie. Leave a comment, and help the rest of us do what we can to raise awareness by tweeting tonight. Make sure you use the hashtag #d4haiti and take a drink. You can make it a drinking game at your house.

If you’re in, PLEASE leave a comment below saying you’re in and what you’re committing to donating. If you know of any companies who would like to match our donations, let me know. After the Golden Globes broadcast is over, make sure to come back and reply to your comment telling how much you’re giving.

Full disclosure: I’m totally doing this to give myself a reason to sit on my arse for 4 hours tonight and laugh with my Twitter friends. I might as well do something good while I’m here.

Riding home from Disney tonight, I was thinking in my head extra introspectively. You know, with like Twitter and stuff.

I posed a very heady, high-brow, thinking question to The Twitter: “I need an obsession. Ideas?“

Not surprisingly, The Twitters responded en masse.

themomsmith
@alotofnothing doesn’t Twitter count?
– yes, but I need a NEW obsession

Zoeyjane
@alotofnothing miniature crocheted dolls/animals.
- but then there’s the whole PETA issues to deal with when collecting animals

mom2nji
@alotofnothing porn?
- been there. done that. have the scars to prove it.

melisalw
@alotofnothing Things that are crunchy?
- but then all the things that are soft are jealous. i’m an equal-opportunity obsesser.

Burnt_feet
@alotofnothing Making a collection of blog posts that go in alphabetical order?
- that involves reading, so no.

mamahall
@alotofnothing the Bible.
- which one?

Tara_R
@alotofnothing jelly belly cinnamons?
- this confuses & intrigues me. send me some.

joshsuth
@alotofnothing Just make sure it’s not something that will rot your mind or muscles.
- too late for that.

Burnt_feet
@alotofnothing OR! You could have an obsession of tweet-eavesdropping on other people’s tweetversations. That would be an ace obsession.
- that’s my current obsession.

enderFP
@alotofnothing knitting appears to be popular
- sure, but i can’t tweet while knitting, so that’s out.

_breanna
@alotofnothing my new obsession is mod podge. quick, rewarding and hard to ruin!
- hi, my name is angie, and i don’t do crafts.

idoiagkikas
@alotofnothing Peeps, of course. Duh.
- i don’t want to go into a diabetic coma before thanksgiving. maybe after christmas?

jhdevenny
@alotofnothing Leave it to Lamas. awesome trainwreck!
- my DVR has reached its max of season passes. sad. i know.

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So friends, what should I take on as my new obsession. Don’t say Twilight. My Edward is the center of my current obsessions.

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Please continue to keep Anissa in your thoughts. She needs all the positive energy she can get.