The awesome guide to social situations, but most importantly, the rub-upathon known as BlogHer

Most of ‘us’ are here on the interwebs for very important, very diverse reasons.

The main reason: socializing without having to actually get dressed or talk to someone face-to-face. According to my highly-scientific research, 90% of the lovely ladies and germy gents socializing online are way too nervous to meet anyone in person.

Which makes the annual BlogHer conference the biggest anxiety-ridden social experiment of the year. In an attempt to make my attacks of rub-upping more comfortable, here’s my Myth/Reality guide to making myself yourself feel better about exiting your hotel room and talking to actual people.

Myth – “People won’t know who I am and when I tell them my name and blog name, they won’t think I’m good enough to talk to.”
Reality – Many people you talk to WON’T know you by your name, but rather will know by your Twitter handle, your blog design, your reputation, and most importantly, your avatar. If they DO know you, 99% of them will love you and want to squeeeeeeeze on you. If they DON’T know you, they want to know you and will end up squeeeeeeeezing on you. If they know you and don’t like you OR don’t know you and don’t care to know you, call them a cunt behind their back.
Solution: Give less than a ladybug’s crap about what other people think.

Myth – “People will laugh at me.”
Reality – Yes. Yes they will, but only if you want them to. (See: Me) If you don’t want them laughing at you, don’t fall on your face or walk out of the bathroom w/ your skirt in your undies.
Solution: If/when you fall on your face, laugh with them; and don’t wear undies so the skirt doesn’t get stuck. Going ‘Commando’ is very freeing and lets your lady bits breathe.

Myth – “I won’t be as cute as everyone else.”
Reality – Hell yeah you will be! Start your shopping now (if you haven’t already) and build your outfits. You’ll need at least 2 outfits/day WITH accessories. Get your friends (or sister) to help you shop, but make sure you buy clothes that are beyond awesome and you feel good wearing. TRUST ME, you will wear something someone else wants.
Solution: If you think something looks good on someone else, TELL THEM. There’s nothing better than hearing a compliment from another lovely lady. Then ask where she got it and buy a copy when you get home. It’s not copying – it’s inspiration.

Myth – “I’ll be too fat and too embarrassed to show my fat.”
Reality – You might think you’re fat, but really, you’re not the fattest in the room. ——> She is.
Solution: Shut your fat face and OWN IT. Plus, no one else cares.

So, dear anxiety-ridden ladies, know you’re not alone. Even us funny girls are as nervous as all get-out at meeting you, too. Just do it.

If you need, I’ll be your BlogHer buddy. I’ll be the fat one you’re laughing at all medicated-up on Zoloft.

Tagged as: anxiety, blogher