Just like Mama Oprah said*, “What do you have to be depressed about? You have a great life.”
Exactly.
I have a nice house. Perfect children. A loving lover husband. Amazing friends.
I’ve started exercising, eating better, and focusing my brains on positive energies.
I’ve got nothing to be depressed about.
But it happens. As it does.
Because it’s not “about” anything.
Apparently, it’s been sitting just under the surface because a friend emailed me this morning wondering if I was OK because my recent posts were so self-deprecating. She’s smarter than I am about myself apparently.
For me, it’s a trigger.
One thing happens unexpectedly (forgot something at the store, couldn’t find the right shoe, knee frucked up from exercising), and BAM! The Dark enters.
This time, I frucked up my left knee somehow after doing 4 days of Couch to 5K. Today was supposed to be day 5. If you would have told me as soon as 2 weeks ago that I’d be sad about NOT exercising, I would have shoved a bowl of queso in your face, cause that’s just not right to waste cheese on a face.
Everything becomes overwhelming. Dishes pile up. Laundry doesn’t fold itself. Food stays uncooked in the fridge.
I sit here staring at the screen and nothing happens. I watch my girls play together and thank the sweet baby Jeebus for giving me my girls.
Where is the magic Happy Fun Time Faerie to sprinkle her happy dust over me? That whore is probably off giving head to the Money Tree Wizard.
I feel sorry for everything I do and can’t do.
Like right now, I feel sorry for you having to read this drivel. I’m the happy fun-time blogger! The one you go to for smiles! and laughs! and nasty fat girl pictures!
I feel sorry that I can’t cook the dinner I bought but can’t make.
I feel sorry that I couldn’t make a decision on what I wanted for dinner that Patrick offered to pick up for me because “I’ll get you whatever you want if it makes you feel better.”
But now, I’m here bringing the sad. The down-trodden. The WHINEY MC WHINERPANTS.
Yes, I am OK.
Yes, I’ll get better.
Yes, ask me tomorrow and it will hopefully have passed.
But for right now, in this moment, the Dark has his ass firmly planted right in front of my emo-ness.
And there’s pretty much nothing anyone else can do for me other than bring home dinner, and even then, I can’t decide what I want to eat.
And, and, know that I have the best husband the world could ever give to me.
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____
*Yes, Mama Oprah actually said that to Simon Cowell in an interview a few weeks ago. Yes, that made my goddess-like admiration of her dip a few points.
{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }
I hear you, sistah. That Darkness can sneak up on you at the weirdest times… but it will pass. And then it will be back… and then it will pass again. Enjoy the sun while it’s out, and just remember the funk will be over eventually.
In the meantime, find some baaaaaaad TV to watch and hunker down until the sun is back. Or something.
I hug you. xox
.-= Grumble Girl´s most Awesome last blog ..Perfect Cookies = Perfect Mum =-.
i hug you back.
I know that’s pretty personal for you to share about you being depressed so I will share with you about my crap. I suffered for years from depression. It would come and go and hang over me like a dark cloud that made everything in my life suck when it visited. Nothing caused it but when it came it made everything bad. After years of thinking I could beat it myself without meds I finally decided to let them put me on meds. My life changed. I have not been depressed even one single minute ever again since I got on meds. Geodon is the name of the drug and it is amazing. It’s a miracle worker. Just FYI if you ever want to talk to a doc about meds ask them about that one.
.-= Peggy Brister´s most Awesome last blog ..100 Things About ME =-.
thank you
I could have written this. I’m down in the dumps too – for no reason really. There must be something in the air. Meh.
.-= OHmommy´s most Awesome last blog ..Every morning I say *this* is my last post ever. And… =-.
it’s the moon. i swears.
Been there, done that. Bought the frickin’ t-shirt and been wearing that damn thing every day for the last month or so. Unfortunately, I have reasons, so I know why. Doesn’t suck any less. So, I really feel for ya, and hope you’re feeling better soon…
me too
Oh yeah, I’ve been there. I actually might be on the verge of that right now. Suck, suck, suck. I can’t even say anything to make you feel better because I’d probably mess it up and then you’d take it wrong and then hate me. Listen to The Cure.
.-= Adriane´s most Awesome last blog ..What IS that that I’m feeling??? =-.
if i listen to The Cure, you have to hide the pills.
I’m sorry! I wish I could find that fairy dust whore, I’ve been looking for her too. The bitch better bring wine when she finally shows up. : )
.-= Kim´s most Awesome last blog ..Thanks …… =-.
i’m requesting a pitcher of margarita.
Hugs, lady. I know how it is. (and I know that hugs don’t solve it) But still, hugs.
.-= Zoeyjane´s most Awesome last blog ..The passage of time =-.
YOU? are HUGGING me? that’s huge.
and thanks.
OK I usually dont comment on blogs, but this one deserves a reply. This happens to me all the time. And its terrible, isnt it? And the older I get the more frequent it is. I hate to read stuff like this b/c I know how it feels and it’s yuck. To just sit there. And do nothing. And not even care.
Big, huge we’re-both-from-Niceville-which-bonds-us-in-a-way-that-people-can’t-understand hugs.
XOXOXO
.-= Jessica´s most Awesome last blog ..Parker’s 4th Birthday Party =-.
people from niceville KNOW each other.
and thanks for finally commenting. you should totally do it more often.
Oh, and you’re picture is hot
.-= Jessica´s most Awesome last blog ..Parker’s 4th Birthday Party =-.
also your picture
.-= Jessica´s most Awesome last blog ..Parker’s 4th Birthday Party =-.
It is a bad place too be in. I hope you find your happy again real soon.
.-= Mandi Bone´s most Awesome last blog ..Paperchase =-.
it will be back soon.
The same cycle happens to me too. I used to try to hide it but it only got worse. I find that I HAVE to feel it and acknowledge it to let it go. I use certain songs to bring out the worst and work my way back to good from there. Usually with writing and more music.
I do what works for me. Find what works for you.
.-= sarah´s most Awesome last blog ..Signs =-.
YES. acknowledge it, like here and now, and it passes quicker.
I’m sorry dear sweet lady….
I can relate. It comes out of nowhere, and my hubby does the exact same thing with offering to pick up dinner and I do the exact same thing with not being able to decide…which makes me feel more pathetic.
What really sucks? When you are feeling this way and then you hear from someone you know, or maybe even someone you don’t know who is going through something that you can most definitely admit is shittier than your own shit…and then you feel….like shit. That happened to me today. Cause then I’m all “Well damn….I’m being a big whiner”. It’s all relative though, you know. Sometimes I just need a little pity party. I will throw you a pity party. We can have whatever pie you want and drinkie drinkies and talk about trashy gossip until we pees ours pants from laughing. I’m just sayin’….sounds to me like you need a pity party and then you can call it done.
Seriously…hope the light is coming around the bend soon
Best,
Tina
thanks – and yes, yes, yes i feel what you’re saying.
I so get this. So much so. All I can say is hugs. And I hope tomorrow is a better day.
There are days when I don’t even want to get out of bed, and the only thing that pulls me out is knowing I have to feed the men folk.The Dark can suckit!
(Oprah’s been on my shit list since saying people can under tip cuz of the bad economy, taking money out of my kid’s college fund.)
Hope you’re feeling better REAL soon…I love you.
I feel this way a lot. It’ll start with being left out from plans with my friends who don’t have kids – friends who my husband and I were formerly attached at the hip with. Then, I’ll look around my cluttered apartment and feel like a shitty housekeeper. Then, at work, I’ll feel like I don’t fit in (but what I don’t let myself realize is that it’s my THIRD WEEK, of course I don’t quite fit in yet). And then I find myself crying.
It happens to all of us, I think, and it’s perfectly OK.
.-= Natalie @ Hope Springs Eternal´s most Awesome last blog ..Nellie Rose as DJ Droolbug =-.
There must be something in the air or water or whatever. I’ve been feeling the same way and I blogged about it too. I know it will pass eventually. It always does…
You look really good in that picture!
.-= The Husband´s most Awesome last blog ..Meet Me There =-.
oh my goodness do I get this. And if you don’t feel better tomorrow its really okay.
I am just hoping that you are.
xo
.-= Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire´s most Awesome last blog ..Georgia will always be on my mind =-.
If Patrick is half as good a husband as he is a father – you have it made!! And please, let me add my HUG to all the other HUGS you’re getting out here.
.-= lceel´s most Awesome last blog ..About the way this works =-.
I totally hear you! I think (hope!) that I’m coming out the other side of this right now. It has been a stressful year and both the husband and I have been struggling with depression. The worst times are when both of us are in a low and neither of us is able to help ourselves let alone each other. It sounds like your husband is so supportive!
I hope that you start to feel better soon!
.-= Sandi´s most Awesome last blog ..on the cusp =-.
The darkness happens. You will be better tomorrow….
The darkness has taken a liking to me lately too, so I totally understand where you’re coming from.
(((HUGS))) friend!!!
XOXO
.-= AmazingGreis´s most Awesome last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – New Life… =-.
I like Oprah, but let’s face it, she looks like she weighs 200 lbs. or more for a reason. SHE GETS DEPRESSED,TOO. Her great ideas don’t always work for her, either.
Don’t think that your readers only like you for a quick laugh. You know you’re a good person when so many people will send you “please get better”messages. When you’re feeling better, make a list of things you can do when you feel shitty and don’t overdo the alcohol. Save that for the cruise.
I know what you mean exactly. Exactly. Just a few minutes ago I was cleaning up the kids’ “spilled” paint when Hubs called about dinner. Finally he said, “Do you want me to just pick something out for all of us?” (making it seem like a huge deal which is annoying because I’m expected to automatically do it on a 3x’s a day basis) my reply “Yes, because I just can’t deal with another decision today” so I get it.
.-= Cranky Sarah´s most Awesome last blog ..I don’t accept “Boys will be boys” =-.
Lots of love to you, Ang. I know the feeling and it’s terrible. I fought it a lot this week and am only now coming back around.
Don’t ever apologize for keeping it real here. This is your space to write and if you want to talk about it…go for it.
We all get the Dark sometime…I’ve gone through it several times, but I call it the Funk…Hope it passes quickly!
.-= Light´s most Awesome last blog ..100 Blog Entries…. =-.
That is an EXCELLENT picture of you.
And when I’m depressed, Jared and I have that exact same conversation. “What do you need? I’ll do anything. Want me to cook something? Pick something up?”
And the idea of just making that decision is too fucking much.
That’s when you know it’s depression – when you can’t even say WHAT would make you happy, because happy is too much work.
When that has happened to me in the past I have:
*gotten on anti-depressants (heh)
*slept. a lot.
*cried. a lot.
*talked. a lot.
*asked Jared not to ask me any questions and to just give me X hours or days to completely fall apart and do what i want right this second even if it’s just lying in bed and can you please just take care of everything else while I try to remember how to take care of myself again?
That last one works pretty well when it gets bad.
An Awesome post on Miss Britt´s blog … This oil spill? Not BP’s fault. Not really.
I hope the light comes back very soon.
An Awesome post on patois´s blog … Not Al Frankenmouth, But Close
Oh, there are days that it is good that I don’t get much TV of the American happy happy type. I had a nervous breakdown a couple of years ago in which I said to my doctor that I liked my life, that I was happy, but the depression and the gosh-awful noise it was making in my head was going to kill me. And it almost did. It is beyond unhelpful to imply that depression and sadness (or lack of happiness or money or success) are the same thing. Don’t listen to Oprah. You’ll get better, and there will be other good days, and good dinners, and daughters who are grateful that their mother had the grace to tell the truth about depression.
And you have really pretty hair.
Hopefully that makes you feel a little better.
An Awesome post on statia´s blog … I’m convinced he’s trying to make me crazy. Or kill me. Possibly both.
I too dabble on the dark side, meds help me most of the time. But the anxiety and sadness still break through. Who knows what causes the breakdown….but time will get you through it. Thinking of you.
I’m a long time runner, so I know how addicting running can be and I’m currenly on the injured reserve list so I know how not fun it can be to not be able to run. If you’re just starting out your knee probably isn’t as bad as you’re thinking. Find a good running store (Fleet Feet is a chain, not sure if they are in Florida though) and go there with your running socks and current shoes. They’ll look at your feet, stick you on a treadmill and check out your gait and help you find the best shoes for you. You’ll be amazed at the difference the right shoes make (I’m 99% sure my current problems are a result of straying from my usual brand). Whatever route you go, do it ASAP because it’s so easy to get out of the running groove. Hang in there, it will get better:) Happy running… and I can’t wait to hear about your first 5k!
sorry gal. it happens to me sometimes too
hope you’re feeling more like yourself soon.
An Awesome post on MommyNamedApril´s blog … The Week in Pictures. See, We’re Still Around. And Keeping Busy!
srsly, i know. there are those days it almost paralyzes you. hope you feel better and find your way out of the slump.
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I’m pretty sure the best depression sets in when everything is perfect. Ya know, to make you feel *extra* guilty about feeling unhappy in any way.
I love you. I get it. I so really get it.
Always here… xo
An Awesome post on sam {temptingmama}´s blog … Kicking Goliath in the Shins
Depression sucks. And I KNOW about it. You are not alone. x
An Awesome post on Mwa´s blog … Oh no you don’t
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