The One About My Panties

by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on February 2, 2012

in All About Me,New Clothes,Shopping

It’s been a long time coming, this one about my panties.

I’ve been putting off finding a new favorite style of underwear for far too long. You can see it in the holes and the way the sides of my current undies roll down my hips.

*Faces covered to protect the innocent.

Those very comfy, very stretched out, very beige, very cotton “hipster” Granny panties on the left are approximately 6 years old. They are made by Barely There and are a size XL, which in the obscure world of lingerie, equates to an 8.

Those very new, very not stretched out, very beige, very someotherfabricthatisnotcotton “hipster” Granny panties on the right are approximately 2 days old. They are also made by Barely There and are a size XL, or the obscure lingerie size of 8.

Obviously, I needed the new pair of underwears I bought shown on the right. However, they are not the same style as the ones on the left. They may both be very boring beige and are both “hipsters” and they are made with similar fabrics, BUT THEY ARE NOT THE SAME.

This does not please me.

I, and I’m sure many other women around the world, would like to purchase the same panties to which I have grown accustomed as replacements.

Holy underwear is not cool. OK, except in the case of a draft, and then they’re breezy. But I want to replace my holy underwears with new, SAME panties as the ones like on the left above that I’ve grown to love.

I want the panties that don’t roll down my hips, don’t bunch up my ass crack, don’t show out of the top of my jeans when I bend over, and don’t cut off the circulation to my legs.

With this, I’m filing a formal complaint to the manufacturers of women’s underwear.

Attention All Ladies Undergarments Makers:

Because of the curvaceous nature of my body, shopping for new panties is an unpleasant task. I’m not sure you’re aware of this fact, as you seem to think I like changing how my underwears fit on my nethers.

Women don’t like change in relation to how our undies fit on our bottoms.

Once I’ve entered into this period in my life known as a certain age, I am comfortable in a style and a fabric and a fit and price. Unless my derrière drastically changes shape and size, I stick to what I know.

When you, the panties manufacturers of the world, decide to change up your styles and fabrics and fits of your ladies panties, I, a women of a certain age, am unhappy.

Please, Hanes, Bali, Victoria’s Secret, Barely There, Soma, Fruit of the Loom, etc, when you make a panty and it sells more than 10 pairs, I need you to make them FOR LIFE.

I don’t want to have to go Commando just because I can’t find the new Perfect Panty. It’s not pleasant. Trust me.

But, I’m sure you know that because you’re in the business of clothing the unpleasantries. 

Peace & love,

P.S. Let me know when you can make this happen. I have a drawer full of holy, breezy, stretched-out underwear that needs replacing. You’ll know I’m wearing the old, breezy, rolling-down panties when you watch me walk 10 steps, and I reach into my jeans to pull them back up around my hips.

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Ally February 2, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Way back in the dark corners of my drawer are a pile of those. The ones I bought, but never wear, because They.Are.Not.The.Same. Sigh.
An Awesome post on Ally´s blog … Free To A Good Home…


2 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] February 2, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Our pain, it is real.


3 Kelli @ Momma Needs a Beer February 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Amen, sista!!! Nothing worse than finding that perfect pair of panties, only to have them become your worst enemy within a year’s time — or worse, the style/fabric/stretch/fit changes on the EXACT style/brand pair you bought a year before. Not fair, not cool, and yeah, I have considered going commando on several occasions because of it!
An Awesome post on Kelli @ Momma Needs a Beer´s blog … Adventures in Reality


4 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] February 2, 2012 at 8:08 pm

PREACH IT. We need to start a campaign.


5 Tiffany February 3, 2012 at 3:21 pm

You must have read my mind. I JUST went through the hassle of panty shopping. I’ve bought the too tight, Tourniquet like undees. Then I found some AWESOME non cotton weird fabric kind from Target. They are so comfy BUT since they’re made of weird alien material, nothing sticks to them. I just found this out, since my monthly friend showed up. WTF? I don’t need pads falling out when I go to pee. So now I have awesome outerspace material undees but now I’ve got to find some period panties. Oh the horror!


6 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] February 3, 2012 at 4:31 pm

OHMYGOT ridiculous.


7 Erin@MommyontheSpot February 3, 2012 at 9:19 pm

OMG! I just had this *very* same converstaion with my mom today. I showed her my favorite hipster pairs that Hanes no longer makes. I showed her the Fruit of Loom version which is way skimpier and I hate. So I bought Hanes updated hipster and there is no way it is hipster.

I don’t know why it’s so hard to make 100% cotton underpants that covers my c-section scar and my ass while laying just right over my poofy areas.

Sorry to vent.


8 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] February 6, 2012 at 10:36 am

I feel ya, in the worst way.


9 Penny March 7, 2014 at 9:45 pm

the following: Like, do you know how many polpee are truly lactose intolerant? Hardly any. I know you think you’re lactose intolerant because of that brutal constipation you had after eating half a wheel of Brie when you were drunk on New Year’s, but maybe it wasn’t the lactose. Maybe it was because you ate half a wheel of fucking cheese. I bolded a portion of the existing post for you so that, upon review, you’ll see that I don’t disregard that daily allergies exist. As I acknowledged, a very small portion of the population is affected by dietary allergies, just not as many who claim to be, which was the entire point.


10 Erin February 4, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Have you tried anything in the “boy short” category? At least on Hanes website, they look more like your old undies, as opposed to the new hipsters you bought that look more like high cut.
An Awesome post on Erin´s blog … It’s Been A Long, Long Time…


11 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] February 6, 2012 at 10:35 am

I’ve tried boy shorts, but they sit too low on my hips and the extra crotch fabric rides up in places it shouldn’t ride up. Thanks for the thought about my panties though.


12 Courtney @ Illuminate February 15, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Amen, sister! That is all I have to say.
An Awesome post on Courtney @ Illuminate´s blog … Teaching Healthy Romantic Relationships


13 JB October 16, 2016 at 5:50 am

You can try the boy shorts. This perfectly fits and it is oh so comfy!
An Awesome post on JB´s blog … Soft Touch Leak Proof Brief Review


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