The Tale Of The Stinky Fridge And Me

by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on October 18, 2011

in All About Me,Farts and Other Stuff,I Like To Do Drawings

As the stay-at-home person in this household, I’m the one tasked to stay home to wait for repair and service men (because, really 99% of the people who come to repair things are men) to (hopefully) arrive during their scheduled window of time.

That’s what I’m currently doing.

Waiting.

Because this happened:

*drawing not to scale

Our 9-year-old refrigerator stopped working.

*cue sad music violins*

The stopped-working-part happened last Thursday, so that night, Patrick used his super computer knowledge to Google, “how to fix a refrigerator.”

That got us to the point that we took everything off of the top of the fridge that’s been stored up there for the at least last 6 years, he pulled out the fridge to expose all of the dust and dead roaches from underneath, and used the keyboard air compressor spray can to clean the coils. Or something.

Friday morning, he scheduled the Sears repairman to come to our house Tuesday (today) between 8am-12pm.

30 minutes later, we all left for the weekend for Patrick’s BFF’s wedding (where that photo happened).

We left the fridge with the temperature hovering around 45ºF.

My thinking on leaving the fridge full of food for 48+ hours is that if no one opens the doors, the little bit of cooling that was happening would sustain the coolness inside the fridge until we returned.

FIFTY-FIVE HOURS LATER
(Say it in your head in the Spongebob narrator voice. It’s much funnier that way.) 

Walking inside Sunday afternoon, the house didn’t smell too bad. I thought we were in the clear and the fridge had stayed cool enough.

No such luck.

Before I even took off my shoes or opened my lappytop, I opened the beast.

OH HOLY MOTHER OF EVERYTHING HOLY UNDERWEAR.

The temperature for the inside of the fridge and freezer read “76ºF.”

I unloaded that stinky bastard quicker than you can say, “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL GET IT OUT OF MY NOSE HAIRS!”

But you didn’t expect me to empty the entire fridge, did you? No. I just emptied the rotting food on the shelves and in the drawers out to the garbage can that I dragged out to the driveway because OF COURSE the garbage pick-up wasn’t until Tuesday (today).

Oh, and yeah, all that bottled jar food I left in the fridge on the door was still there this morning, waiting for me to brave the stink again. And LIKE A BOSS, I emptied that stinky bastard of all that was left to melt and gelatinousize before the Hero Trashmen came to rescue my stinky bags o’ rotting food.

So who is left to stay home with the stinky fridge waiting for the Sears repairman? Me.

I’m here waiting between the hours of 8am-12pm for someone to hopefully rescue me from my stinky fridge. Waiting and pooping as quickly as I can for fear that he comes, knocks, and I can’t get to the door fast enough and he leaves me with the stinky fridge. Hearing every car that drives by and doesn’t stop with my Hero Searsman. The anticipation of not knowing when I can leave leave to get my lunch because nearly stale bread with peanut butter doesn’t cut it for me as a “meal” is killing me.

Don’t these on-call Hero Repair Dudes realize what they’re doing to us when they don’t specify an exact time of arrival? Don’t they know we sit at home in stinky houses eagerly awaiting their rescuing?

For now, I sit in here hungry with the sliding door open, the fan on, Febreezing the shit out of my kitchen anticipating the arrival of my Hero.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Cindy October 18, 2011 at 1:21 pm

OMG – I totally read “55 hours later” in the spongebob narrator voice BEFORE you said to. I was laughing so much harder when I read your suggestion. Damn that show.

I hate waiting for service men. I am always afraid to go to the bathroom for fear that is when they’ll ring the bell.

Oh, and that hurricane we had created the stinkiest refrigerator ever. We emptied a lot of what was in there but left some stuff. After 4 days without power (we took refuge at my MIL’s house) we returned to the MOST DISGUSTING SMELLY HOUSE EVER!!!! I think I barfed in my mouth a little just thinking of it.

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2 erin@mommyonthespot October 18, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Ick! I hope your Hero arrived and took care of the smelly fridge and all is well. I think you need to add a follow up drawing. Love the “x” eyes!!

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3 Crystal October 18, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Oh thank God I saw where you said the drawing isn’t to scale. I was so worried about how you survive with your tiny arms and legs
An Awesome post on Crystal´s blog … From End Zone to Friend Zone

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4 bellawriter October 18, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Omg, Angie this is terrible. Please tell me you were rescued and that your repairman didn’t have a huge plumbers crack. Because that would just be suckage on top of suckage.

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5 Gwen October 19, 2011 at 5:55 am

Lol I thought I was the only one who was afraid of missing someone due to arrive by taking too long in the bathroom!

I hope your fridge is fixed by now! :)

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6 Amy October 19, 2011 at 6:44 am

We lose our electricity fairly often so I feel your pain. That’s when we get to play the “Think it is still ok to eat game” when things spring to life a day or two later.

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