Until recently, like an hour ago, I never realized how many bad dreams I have when I sleep as opposed to when I’m awake?.
Most of the dreams I remember leave me with a feeling of frustration, sadness, and the inability to get anywhere on time.
Which is monumental in my self-discovery as to why I have so much self-loathing in my brains.
OK, so yeah, I just posted the other day about The Secret and being all “be positive, y’all!” but really, there’s only so much happy happy joy joy I can put out in a day.
So when I see around the internets and in emails and in person and in my girls’ eyes, all the love that is thrust heheh… thrust at me, I know why I don’t believe it.
I pretty much am a horrible, no good, very bad person in my dreams.
Not at a killer or attack dog or Jennifer Love Hewitt or anything. Just a person who is not believed, doubted, fat ‘n ugly, left alone, late to the party, outcasked, unloved, ignored.
It’s a wonder I don’t try to off myself when I wake up every morning.
Oh, right. The high dosage of Zoloft. (Thanks, Pfizer!)
But recently, I’ve found the love the world and you people have for me. I’ve been open to accepting it and receiving it as genuine and not as a part of a pay-off my mom sent you to be my friend.
If it were to tell you I thought that more than twice in my life, would you send in the straight-jacket-wielding thugs?
I’m not looking for a love handout. I’m simply making myself realize that the love is genuine. The like is real.
As are you, I am Awesome.
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
Awesome indeed
right on.
You are awesome and, no, I’ve never met your mother. I love the principles of The Secret, too.
we’re pretty much twins.
except i’ve met our mother.
Awesomeness wrapped in gorgeous curls and a beautiful smile.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..On the road again =-.
*bluuuussshhhhhh*
damn it…i have to give that money back to your mom now…oh, that was only in my dream that someone gave me money! but if your mom is handing out money, i’ll gladly take handouts
and i like to think of myself as awesome (at least i am in my dreams) so it’s only fair if you’re just as awesome as me. can i hug you now?!
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..don’t be a donkey… =-.
we will snugs together someday.
Yes you are! But I have always known that!!!!!
you totally should say that.
Yes you are…
Have a FABULOUS weekend!
Tina
i SO will!
Hum…my dreams are usually about people trying to kill me. Last night – FratBoy. Lovely…
wasn’t a dream.
BEYOND awesome. Pinky promise.
my mom says “pinky promise.”
i KNEW she paid you!
I think you are fantastic! If your mom did pay me (which she didn’t) I would give her a refund. She should get paid for having a great kid like you! Keep your chin up! *HUGS*
.-= pthsmonkey´s last blog ..Moving Forward? =-.
awwwww… you’re way too sweet. like, really. like, my mom SHOULD totally pay you.
You are awesome!! Don’t ever think otherwise.
k, when i do, i’ll come back and read this.
This is so cool to read, Angie.
.-= Miss Britt´s last blog ..Be still, and know that I am God =-.
danka.
Miss Britt says:
April 23, 2010 at 1:49 pm
This is so cool to read, Angie.
My feeling exactly. SO cool to read! I luff it when I see strides made in self-confidence.
you pretty much said it. awesomness.
.-= designHer Momma´s last blog ..Yesterday. Earth Day. Documented. =-.
i’m glad i said it.
You ooze awesome. So does Zoloft.
zoloft is the best boyfriend ever.
Heh, you said ‘self love’. You need to lower the dosage.
.-= Martin´s last blog ..Coronary π =-.
Beautiful words and all, but not the kind of “self love” I thought you were going to talk about. Boo.
.-= Meg´s last blog ..Addiction =-.