This? Is not OK: Death on the Internet Edition

by Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on November 3, 2009

in Farts and Other Stuff,This? Is Not OK

I’ve been around these here internets since the early days. Way back. Back in American Online 2.0 days.

NINETEEN NINETY-FOUR

I remember when my mom bought our first internet-capable computer. We were high-teching it with 14.4 kbit/s. FAST. Super-fast slow. I still hear the whining, bliping, and screeching in my dreams nightmares.

It was super-cool to chat with people I’d never met. At 17, I wasn’t afraid of talking to molesters or stalkers yet. Message boards were cool. We were learning online lingo together.

LOL
WTF
ROTF
ROTFLMMFAO

The basics.

Since that time, social media has morphed into a constant conversation of quickly-typed messages back and forth and with everyone else online all at the same time. There is a different language on the intertubes than IRL.

The acronyms and cutesy terms born on the parenting message boards have creeped into the blogosphere and into my Twitter stream. There are just some acronyms that need to die. They need to be put out of my their misery. They need to DIE.

They are NOT OK.

DD/DSDear Daughter/Dear Son
It’s hard for me to even type them, they’re so skeevy.
Options: kid, child, son, daughter, spawn, result of breeding, seed, person who calls me mom/dad, ankle biter

DHDear Husband
I may have to vomit having just typed that. I love my husband dearly, but to refer to him as a “dear” anything? He might have me maimed.
Options: husband, sir, spouse, spousal equivalent, betrothed, other half, better half (for use by men only), bed mate, person-whom-I-hump, that guy

Baby DanceHaving Sex
Really? How can you be taken seriously in bed when you refer to your adult fun time as doing a “baby dance”? Even if your purpose for the horizontal mambo is to pro-create, don’t refer to it in any way using the word “baby.” NOT OK.
Options: sex, making love (blech), sexy time, business time, naked wrestling, doing the nasty, playing Hide the Sausage, scissor grind, going down

In summation, can we please put a moratorium on the above acronyms/cutesy terms to rest.

Kill them.

Make them dead.

Unfollow anyone who uses these terms.

Take them out of your reader.

They should be taught a lesson in abandonment that they should never, ever use these stupid-ass terms again.

Are you with me in the War on Stupid Acronyms and Cutesy Internet Terms (WOSAACIT)?

What are other words and names you use you’d like to suggest? Bring them forth and prosper.

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{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Melissa (MBonn) November 3, 2009 at 10:25 pm

I am so with you. It’s even worse when people are using the “D” for Darling, rather than Dear. Seriously people? But can I just say how much I hate the term “make love?” It skeeves me out. Even more so when it’s “Making sweet love.” No. Just no. And “person-whom-I-hump” is win. 😀

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2 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:02 pm

if i ever refer to any one of my family members as “darling” please escort me to the looney bin.

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3 mommakiss November 3, 2009 at 10:26 pm

Know what? I never ever even used those atrocities on parenting message boards. And my neck hairs raised when people would pass “baby dust” with stars and ~~ <–those things and UGH – I just couldn't ever do it!

So I will stand with you and beside you to kill that shit. Dead.

( i clicked "click me" twice. Sorry if my words of wisdom posts twice)

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4 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:03 pm

i can’t even go to the message boards or i start to shivvvver.

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5 Hockeyman November 3, 2009 at 11:31 pm

teh and haz needs to go I think.
.-= Hockeyman´s last blog ..Vote For Me!!! =-.

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6 Carissajaded November 3, 2009 at 11:48 pm

haha I haven’t heard any of those latest acronyms, but the earlier ones get on my nerves enough as it is.
Baby dance? ahhahaha Oh please never let me see a twitter update with that phrase in it. No.. I want to. But I would say something mean. Thank you for introducing me to phrases I never want to see again!
.-= Carissajaded´s last blog ..The World is a stage, too bad nobody wants to watch. =-.

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7 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:04 pm

i learnt the ‘baby dance’ from Maria (@mommymelee) and i may need to cut her for telling me about it.

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8 Mwa November 4, 2009 at 7:49 am

Absolutely! Baby dance is just preposterous! I like “sexy time” because you can just about hear Borat every time.
.-= Mwa´s last blog ..Losing it =-.

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9 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:05 pm

i’m not sure if i want to think of Borat during sexy time.

maybe Bruno, but not Borat.

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10 Angie's Favourite Sister November 4, 2009 at 8:56 am

I threw up a little with you over DH. For serious. I need some Scope.

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11 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:03 pm

DH Jim

commence puking.

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12 monnik November 4, 2009 at 9:15 am

I’m with you… another one that annoys the hell out of me is TOM for “time of the month”. Um… No. Call it your damn period, if you must call it something.

But I love me my WTF acronym. I’ll use it until I die.
.-= monnik´s last blog ..What do you call a flying skunk? =-.

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13 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:05 pm

aunt flo
red tide
the visitor
football game

ANYthing but TOM

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14 Mommakiss November 5, 2009 at 9:27 am

Riding the cotton pony 😉 my older brothers taught me that when I was TWELVE. Assholes.

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15 amy2boys November 4, 2009 at 9:58 am

When I first started reading mommy blogs in 2007 (I’m a late bloomer) it took me a while to figure out what DH, DD, and DS meant. And then I vomited.

Thanks for this. I hope 8 million people read this and do it. (And “baby dance”?? Srsly? I’ve never even seen that one. Ugh.)

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16 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:06 pm

i can’t believe people use the terms on their blogs. they need to leave it to the message boards so i don’t have to read them.

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17 cindy w November 4, 2009 at 10:14 am

Oh lord, I am so right there with you. The killer part is that I have a friend who refers to her husband as “DH” on her blog, but in real life she’s totally not cheesy & gross. Every time I read it, it makes me cringe. I get that she wants to keep her blog semi-anonymous, but dude, come up with a different nickname, or call him by his initial or SOMETHING.

And I’m so going to start referring to my husband as “that guy.” He’ll love that.

P.S. I was also on AOL 2.0 in ’94. Old-school represent, yo! 14.4K baud rate was cooking back then.
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..Halloween round-up =-.

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18 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:07 pm

rep
re
sent!

whut whut! ’94 yo!

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19 Sis-in-law November 4, 2009 at 12:56 pm

HAHAHA Ok, so I have to say I am SO GLAD You clarified what DH meant. I kept seeing that on a pregnancy board i used to go to (but have since stopped because those are some bitchy little girls on there) and had no idea what the hell it meant!!! Thank you oh sister-in-law for clearing that one up for me 🙂 YOU ROCK!

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20 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:07 pm

stay away from the message boards.

STAY

AWAY

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21 Lori November 4, 2009 at 2:31 pm

I couldn’t agree more. Annoying.

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22 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:07 pm

grande annoying

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23 Deb on the Rocks November 4, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Amen, yes, sister, sing it to the mountaintops. DH, DS and DD make my skin crawl.

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24 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:08 pm

what would the gays use in these situations? or if they every use these acronyms, are they cast out of the club?

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25 Tara R. November 4, 2009 at 5:58 pm

I would like to refer to Hubs as ‘rat-faced monkey boy’ but it eats up those 140 characters. As for Baby Dance, I am Waaaaaay past wanting more babies, so I’ll stick with ‘bumpin’ uglies,’ especially at my age.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday ~ bath?! =-.

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26 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:08 pm

it’s never pretty.

ever.

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27 Jill November 4, 2009 at 8:50 pm

Hey! That Guy (I married) is so my term for, well, That Guy I Married. Of course that’s mostly because “baby daddy” implies we weren’t married (or could, anyway) and “Husband” implies we are still married. (And technically the state of MA says we are, but I have an iron clad post-nup that says having sex with my boyfriend is totally legit and not adultry.)

That Guy, really just sums him up.

(I call sex Typing Lessons… but that’s kind of a long story. Longer than the one that explains how BJ’s became “toast”.)
.-= Jill´s last blog ..Sleep talking. =-.

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28 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:10 pm

those are blog posts all on their own.

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29 Kami November 4, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Thanks, Angie, for clarifying for me what exactly DD, DH, and DS stand for. Those shits are all over babycenter.com and I simply had no idea they were acronyms for such absurd phrases. I myself, have no DS, but my DH would sooner be knifed in the balls than hear himself referred to in such a manner. And as for my two beautiful DS’s, I must say that the only time I use the word dear in front of their names is when they are sporting antlers and running from fake hunters. In the kitchen.
.-= Kami´s last blog ..I Aim Low =-.

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30 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 4, 2009 at 11:11 pm

i would totally be stabbed for ever using DH.

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31 Kami November 4, 2009 at 8:57 pm

sorry. I meant I have no DD. These stupid things are too confusing and lack creativity anyway…
.-= Kami´s last blog ..I Aim Low =-.

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32 Headless Mom November 5, 2009 at 4:34 pm

Agreed.
.-= Headless Mom´s last blog ..The only post you’ll ever see me write about Twilight =-.

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33 Steph November 5, 2009 at 10:45 pm

Dude, these are so funny. I am so right there with you! I never got into LOL either, although I am slowly embracing OMG… but only with the Valley Girl voice.
Personally, my hubby is “The Hub” or “Husband” and my child is “5yo” or whatever age he is now. And I’m totally going to start saying ‘horizontal mambo’. That rocks!
.-= Steph´s last blog ..Free Family Fun Night November 6 at Children’s Museum of New Hampshire =-.

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34 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] November 6, 2009 at 12:06 am

LOL and OMG are pretty much the only ones allowed.

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35 Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo November 6, 2009 at 3:01 am

heh heh heh, go back and read my archives…

MPS was DH.

Dick Head.

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36 Grumble Girl November 6, 2009 at 10:39 am

I think I block out half those acronyms when I read… I think I hate them all. Never even much liked the LOL – I think that’s the VERY first time I typed that, EVER! Wow.

I call everyone “darling” – kids, husbands, chicks, whomever – only because I like that word a lot, and it works coming out of my mouth… as does “fuck you” and “asstard” but I can’t say those in front of the children. My husband is totally darling, but I would never consider calling him my DH. I mean, really. Ack.

You make me laugh, girl…
.-= Grumble Girl´s last blog ..Taming the Goddamned Dreaded Fitted Sheet =-.

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37 lisa November 7, 2009 at 11:30 pm

A. MEN. It took me the longest time to figure out WHAT DD/DH/DS meant, and then when I finally took the time to look it up, I was sure it was wrong. No one could REALLY be that lame, could they? It makes me throw up a little when I see people use those cute! phrases!

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38 Amanda November 9, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Baby Dance, that’s the worst. There was a girl I knew in college that I added on Facebook who wanted nothing more in the world than to have a baby even though she and her husband were both a little mentally unstable to say the least. And she used to say they were “baby dancing” ALL THE TIME. First, I don’t want that image burned in my brain, thank you very much, second (like you said), you’re grownups!! Come on!!

Also, I never knew what DH was until I read your blog. Hmm…

Speaking of the beginning of the internet, when our family signed up for aol back in 95, I can remember people in chat rooms saying IM ME and I thought they were saying I’m Me, as if they were saying, “hey guys, I am who I am, take me or leave me”.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Finally Friday =-.

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